I'm a blogger not a fortune teller

Hello , what are you doing here.


Are you not being a bit premature?

Please remember I'm a blogger not a fortune teller

Now go away, but do come back when the day is right.

In the meantime check out the rest of ME blog.

or for last years load of shit visit here http://www.amsterdamescape.com/amsterdamescapeblog.html

You never know what you'll find. Brace yourself.

Monday + Rain = Bad Day

Well it's a good morning for all ducks here in Amsterdam. For everyone else it's a horrible day. Started raining just after the concert finished on Nieuwmarkt last night and has not stopped raining since. Unreal and when I say rain I do not mean a light drizzle I mean a down pour but without stopping. Monsoon type shit.

Today there are 6 apartments to clean and with Mothership away, our Polish cleaner Anna who retired yesterday for to go try her hand in Russia now offically gone its all down to your's truly and Emmett , Dog help us.

Anna popped in just now to sell her bike to Emmett and we all sent her off to Russia with love.

The Romanians RL69 (alais Kruger) & Roxy texted us last night to say they forgot they booked tickets to go to Switzerland at 8am this morning so they cannot come to clean. Brendan texted back explaining the facts of life to both of them so they changed their flight time at a cost of Euro 130 to 8pm tonight. Their flight time is two hours and their return flight is 8am tomorrow morning so they where ever so slightly pissed off. "We are going to have to stay in the Airport at this rate" they sort of complained a little but in Romanian so we could not understand what they were saying. but it sounded like they were putting nasty Romanian curses on us. Hope bits of me don't start falling off.

There is no way just Emmett and myself could clean 6 apartments by 2pm specially while trying to learn two oriental languages.

Got up early and skipped the daily egg making as there were no takers but bought the crossaints anyway as I am like a preprogrammed robot and automatically head for the bakery six days a week weather I like it or not. Sometimes I malfunction and head for the bakery 7 days a week. But it's closed on Sunday's so I come away with nought.

Mothership is due back around 4pm , Giuseppe due back around 7.30pm

At present that's all the news that is the news.

More later after the return of the above --------------------But first a word from our sponsors.

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Heading to Amsterdam? Looking for somewhere to stay? Something a bit different? Well look no further - check out AmsterdamEscape

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BACK SOON.-- STAYED TUNED

19.51

Back again.
Surrering from pains in my chest, think I might drop dead any moment, Retards like myself do not have a long shelf life, why my mothers entire family on her fathers side all kicked the bucket in there mid 20's - early thirties a large tree fell on them while picknicking in the local park. One of those freak accidents you read about except this one really happened and not to mention my fathers entire family bar 1 cousin died in a large gas explosion , my fathers younger brother was trying to change gas cylinders for his camping stove right in front of an open fire, cylinder got puntured and next thing the house explodes into a million little pieces. The surviving cousin made a living for years afterwards boxing the pieces and selling them as jig saw puzzels.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Office is quiter, Only Myself and Kenny boy present, Brendan gone to rest his toe, Mothership relaxing and Giuseppe is on the way.

20.06
Tick Tock Tick Tock,
Any minute now a dark coloured man will appear in the doorway and it will be Giuseppe. Hevens above. We are all bracing ourselves.
He has been lying on the beach for 20 days and reports to be a dark brown shit sort of colour (Color - USA Readers)

Do you hear the drums Fernando?.
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Getting to bed is getting harder by the day

Good Morning Readers It's Sunday the 20 something of August.
Your friendly retard here with all the latest news and gossip from Amsterdam and Amsterdam Escape.

The headlines
Mothership has just flown the buildings to attend the last Morrissey concert in Belguim. After 5 months of following Morrissey all around Europe this is the end, the last gig. She has now seen him in Ireland twice, London, Iceland, Rome, Milan, Venice, Amsterdam twice, Budapest and now Belguim. I know I am missing a few others but I just cannot keep track of all her fllying about. A real jet setter Mothership has become.

The lowlines.
Weather today will be shit with a capital S.

In other news just in. Nieuwmarkt square is gearing up for another day of noise and mass crowds but looking at the sky the bands might end up just playing with themselves (by themselves) as it looks like a storm is on the way.

They are on stage now testing testing testing as I type, bells are ringing, birds are singing and crowds are arriving . Bong, Bong it's 12.00 noon.

Time for my 1st joint of the day.

Again today I have been drafted onto the cleaning team as our Polish cleaner Anna has departed for colder climates in Russia. Good look Anna, you'll need it.

Five apartments to clean today and just me, Roxy and RL69 (Both from Romania) RL69 is alias for Kruger a 6 feet 4inch crazy Romanian from Transylvania who escaped after doing 3 years for smoking a joint. Roxy is a sex goddess, a more beautiful girl would be hard to find and with a body you would kill for and as for the rest of her, always happy, always with a smile on her face. 100% perfection. Problem I have with her is everytime I see her my trousers start to bulge.

So just the three of us to clean 5 apartments. Well it's that time. Got to go and scrub. See you later readers.

Signing off -- 12.14 - More later after clean.

16.56
I'm back. Dirtier than I was before. One problem I have had my entire life is keeping my good clothes good. I have never shown respect for clothes or shoes. Only last week I bought a nice pair of trousers in Iceland and now after todays cleaning jobs they are covered in bleach. Another pair bites the dust.

As for shoes I never open laces and break the backs of every pair I buy. "It only takes a second to open them" Motherhip has been informing me of this for years. But it's the time delay and the waste of 30 seconds every time I have to try untie the messes my laces seem to get themselves into. but only 2.2 seconds with the backs broken to kick them straight off. I get this from my father also a professional retard of the highest order.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We are counting down the hours for the return of Giuseppe. He arrives Schipol 7pm tomorrow night. Windows are being boarded up, gates chained, window locks fitted and we are just putting the oil on to boil. I think we are all set.

ACTION STATIONS
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Just had a crazy down pour of rain. 1000's ran for cover from Nieuwmarkt Square but it's dry again and the music is back on.
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GETTING TO BED
Since I was born I was a late night person. Bed and Sleep never meant much to me. If there was anything else at all to do I would do it rather than go to bed and sleep, I would watch paint dry rather than go to bed. And because of this I have found myself waking up in all sorts of strange places, missing stops on trains, buses, planes. On a trip to Bangkok with three of my mates we arrived at the airort, checked in. The place was packed and very few seats were available. I had not slept in three days , sniffing speed to stay awake as I was trying to catch up in work. I went looking for a seat and found one, sat down and fell straight to sleep. I woke up hours later and wondered where my friends where. I went back to the gate but the flight had left hours ago. Two of my friends turned up and told me I had caused the airline endless hassle. They had to find and remove our bags. They had made many announcements over the intercom system but I heard nothing. Donnacha my other friend had decided to stay on the flight but when he arrived he had no money and I had all the hotel details. He stayed in Bangkok airport waiting for us to arrive 12 hours later. They let us on the next flight which left in 10 hours so we had 10 hours to kill.

My Dublin friend Dean went on a stealing spree, 3 pairs of sunglasses (Designer), 3 watches (Swatch). My other friend complained he did not like the pair he was given so Dean went back in and stole a pair he did like. Just killing time until our flight.

I can sleep anywhere, even standing up. I guess I would need to sleep for a few years to catch up on all my missed sleep. I once fell asleep standing against a lamp post only to be woken up by Mothership, as usual.

I often woke up ( a few times a week) still in my clothes having fallen asleep sitting in one of my many bean bags I would then shower and go to work usually with the pattern of the cordroy bean bag all over my face. Work collogues would laugh " Another bean bag night Robbie". My house had NO furniture in it at all. I never liked normal furniture, chests of drawers, sofas or wardrobes and such like. I only ever got built in stuff so there would be no gaps. I hate gaps in anything. MIND THE GAP!.

When I would poster rooms with my huge collection of film posters I would spend hours finding the smallest picture to fill in the smallest gap.

I guess I just hate going to bed incase I might miss something. Am I crazy or just plain nuts?.

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7pm - BELLS ARE RINGING and drums are drumming.

Best go off and try cook myself something to eat. With Mothership not around a retard could starve very quickly.

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Brendan, Emmett and myself are taking the night off and are going to the movies. SUperman. While Motherships away the crew will play so they say.

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Time for a joint I guess.

See you all later.

Robbie Retard
The Hungriest Retard in four counties
Characterized by or expressing hunger or craving: hungry eyes. best go eat something before I turn cannibal and eat meself. Any animal that eats its own kind

Over and Out

Saturday, ya another one.

Well good day readers.
Today I updated several of my previous enteries and added lots, so you can now go read them all again.

Today is like yesterday and the day before but tomorrow is different.
I woke up today not knowing what day it was. All days to me are the same except Sundays as the bakery is closed so it's scrambbled eggs on toast and not the usual crossaints. but to day being Saturday I did not have to worry about this until tomorrow.

Nieuwmarkt is hosting the Uit Markt (Out market) ? it's a festival held every year but usually out in the sticks. As I type this the buildings is vibrating with the noise of the music. They have taken over the entire square and squeezed the Saturday organic market over into one small corner of the square behind the Waag. There are 1000's of people out on the square listening to the noise and every drug addict, crack head and pan handlier are on hand to relieve as many people of their small change or full wallets as possible.

Weather wise is not so good, a few hours back the hevans opened and everyone ran for cover but it is dry at present. Loads of drink and food stalls all over the place.

Joined the cleaning crew again today as we had Brendan doing the cleaning rota while Mothership fumed in the background "It's my job she said several times but a semi tone too low for anyone to hear.

So with Brendan F...... up the rota I got drafted into the cleaning crew.

Giuseppe due back Monday , we are all dreading it. Since he left his little dream pad has been raided several times, Emmett grabbed the DVD player, Mothership got his computer as her own died last week and now his monitor has been given to Amsterdam Home.

All hell will break out on his return. We were thinking of vanishing while he was away and still might during a future vacation of his. Packing up everything and leave for warmer climates. Giuseppe to return to a load of strange lodgers living in all the apartments including his own dream pad and none of them knowing nothing of us, Amsterdam Escape or anything else.

Amazing what goes throught your mind when you smoke 20 joints a day or more.

Last Thursday we have another disaster, We had a flood in HQ apartment.
The first we knew of it was the guest in Amsterdam Home phoned us to inform us that the fire birgade was outside and water was everywhere. Emmett as usual on hearing news of this sort went into a total panic. Fire, Fire in 106, fire brigage is there. Mothership, Emmett and myself ran towards HQ and could smell fire in the air. Emmett phoned Brendan who was in his second home (The bar) also ran on hearing the news. We arrived at the scene to find 6 or more fire men in our house after battering down to of the 3 doors (ever hear of a bell)
There were guests inside who could have opened the door to them.

The pump which pumps the water under pressure to the upper levels of the building had burst and millions of gallons or litres were pouring down the stairs and out onto the street , In the basement (Amsterdam Snug) was also being flooded , The lights then went so we could see nothing. The stop cock to turn off the water is located behind a mirroe in the snug so you could not find it if you did not know where it was located. Emmett screamed at the fireman to give him the flash light so he could turn off the water but the fireman kept saying that the stopper was above. Emmett SCREAMED "Give me the fucking flash light" The firman threw the light to Emmett and He and brendan ran into the Snug. The water was off. Next thing the fireman get a call to Nieuwmarkt Square a man has had a heart attack, all the firemen jump into their engine and with sirens blasting they speed off towards Nieuwmarkt leaving us with a disaster zone. "Sorry heart attacks over rule leaks" one fireman shouted as they sped away. Not sure what a fire engine can do for a heart attack victim, run him over maybe.

Just another day or is it.

Good day readers it's Robbie here.
It's Thursday and another exciting day at Amsterdam Escape. With Brendan out action now for 3 days with his swelled big toe it's down to Emmett and mothership to do all the work and more.

Today was no exception. After working all day we got a call from one of our guests around 7pm during one of our many organic coffee breaks informing us the windows in the apartment had fallen out into the street. They had the window open and the ropes which operate the window system snapped and the window came down with a bang , smashing the pains of glass and the police were outside. Neighbours had phoned them , It's a Dutch thing, anything happens call the police. For everything, they all call the fuzz, 1st chance they get.

Emmett, Dee and myself dropped everything onto the nearest clear surface, not an easy thing to do in motherships apartment as it's full to the brim with papers. All types of papers, news papers, business papers, rolling papers, rolls and rolls of half used toilet paper left over from guests which mothership ends up with somehow and piles of used envelopes still with their stamps on piled up waiting for their stamps to be removed for reuse.

Mothership being mothership found out many many moons ago that you can get away with removing most stamps from envelopes received and then reuse them. Mohership hasen't bought a stamp since the mid eighties. But over the last few years with more and more franking machines being used it's getting harder and harder to get the stamps. It's a dying business she informs us regularly.

Anyway to get back to this exciting episode , we dropped the coffee cups and all ran for the emergency poles with bells a ringing all around us.

Emmett and myself ran all the way with Mothership flying ahead of us, when we reached the scene Mothership had already arrived and was in the process of taking charge of the situation, quickly managing to win around the coppers (Police) and after having a few laughs with her, they left as did mothership.

Glass littered the ground and a large crowd of on lookers looked on as I got a large brush and started sweeping all the glass up. One of the nosy cop calling neighbours nosed their way to the front of the crowd and then nosed her way over to where I was sweeping. After a few words spoken in Dutch to me she quickly got the message and repeated in all again in English.

"Is this place being used as tourist apartments" she squeeked at me.
I must have looked back at her with one of my Boston Strangler looks as she backed off and returned to her husband also nosing but from the saftey of the path. I finished sweeping and put away the brush and broken glass. The nosey cop calling neighbours were still looking on from their doorway so I decided to walk around the block instead of having to pass them. Ken arrived (Laurel) and patched up the window then returned to where he had come from, the pub but on passing the nosey nighbours they cornered him and fired question after question at him. We are still not sure of his answers as he cannot remember the questions even after Motherships three hour interagation.

I ended up doing the final check-in of the day at 23.25 , their plane was delayed for a few hours due to all this crap with illigal hand cream and YK jelly and all other creams and liquids.

I think I will start my own airline " Take your chance airlines".

The world has finally slipped when a tube of hand cream can start a red alert on an airplane and have fighter jets scrammbled.
To do what I wonder, Shoot it down if it gets to close to Washington maybe.

Giuseppe finds Dog

Praise the lord. Giuseppe has found Dog in a BIG way honey or should I say Dog found him. It's all Emmett's fault. Emmett was heading home the other night accross Nieuwmarkt square when all of a sudden out of no where appeared a bunch of bible bashers. They handed him their card and just said "Praise the Lord" all at the same time and then moved on looking for another victim.

Emmett at first thought he was going to be robbed or at least molested in some way but no such look he just received the card. After they moved on Emmett stared at the card. On one side was a large THINK GOD and on the other an invitation to attend their church. Emmett who had just left Giuseppe after a solid hour of non stop Dog talk , everything from Mother Teresa to the guy with the hole in his hands and everything in between. Imidiatelly Emmett thought of Giuseppe who has a real problem as all the masses said in Amsterdam are in Dutch so Giuseppe is really desperate to find an English speaking mass.

Next morning was a life changing morning for Giuseppe on being given the card he quickly went onto their site and next thing Emmett knows he is signed up to attend mass on Tuesday. " Giuseppe I ain't going, I do not do mass or anything else to do with dog almighty. "It's a sign, Giuseppe informed Emmett, "he came down to you last night and gave you this card". "Is that what he looks like" Emmett said. I thought he was only 3 persons , there was about ten of them last night. Giuseppe went back on to the site to study it more.

Giuseppe I am not going , go on your own. Emmett said for the last time.

Ok I will go on my own. Giuseppe said.

Tuesday came and Giuseppe headed off at 7pm for the 8pm show. He returned at around 11pm and was full to the brim with Dog, pouring out of him from everywhere. " I felt him coming down the isles and went throught me". Giueseppe said on bursting into Motherhips apartment without knocking. Emmett and Mothership were enjoying their cup of hot chocolate when he arrived back like a crazy man who had just had a live changing experience.

Giuseppe went on and on for over an hour driving Emmett and Mothership crazy as they both hate anything to do with religion, Dog, the devil and everything else but there was no stopping Giuseppe once he got started.

Emmett agreed to go on Friday just to shut him up. Emmett attending mass. Not since 1979 has Emmett entered a church. Giuseppe never stops until he wins.

Further report after Friday.

Three little pigs go to the Gym

You have all heard of the story of the 3 little pigs well here is the remake. (abridged edition)

Once upon a time there was a gym called Barrys and their was Mothership who attended Barrys 7 days a week / 360 odd days a year. Happily she went nightly at 8.30pm sharp for 5 years.

Meanwhile on the other side of town their was Emmett and Giuseppe who changed Gyms nearly as often as their underwear.

They seem to have problems with every gym they join.

Amsterdam is a small city and there are only around 10 gym gyms. (Real Gyms) . There are a number of places which call themselves gyms but any real gym going person like Mothership would laugh while being shown round most if not all theses, but Giuseppe and Emmett have even joined theses places. But there is always a problem.

In their last gym The Pantanna (name changed to protect the innocent) the owner ended up attacking Emmett. Here is Emmett's version of events.

The place was been renovated , with a lot of competition now the owner was adding a few new bits and bobs. We should never have joined this place as it is a total joke of a gym. Our 1st trouble started even before we joined. After our last gym and the nightmare we had there we decided not to go on a yearly membership but to pay monthly instead.

The owner spoke No english and we spoke even less Dutch anyway after long negositations we managed to explain to the ape man lookalike that we wanted NO YEARLY MEMBERSHIP but to pay monthly. Euro 60 instead of Euro 50. After a bit of nodding on our parts and grunting on his we agreed with this and signed on the dotted line.
No direct debit on out bank accounts but would pay in cash 13th of each month. Only later I realised we were doomed in this gym. (Emmett is very superstitious) . It's only Friday the 13th is bad luck Brendan explained to them but Giuseppe being a doughting Thomas went straight for the internet to check this fact out. I think Brrendan's right again Emmett. Giuseppe said after checking several websites. Well I do not it's anything 13th, 13 eggs in a dozen, 13 drummers drumming, it's all bad luck anything to do with 13. My mother told me.

Well Emmett was right, This gym had very few members. At first we thought the guy was using it as a front for money laundering as we went nightly and were most nights totally on our own, like having your own private gym.

Problem was the owner was in the habit of saving on electricity (as I am) but this was crazy. Nothing was turned on, cold sauna, steam room without the steam and when you went from one floor to the other he turned off the lights.

You had to request the sauna and steam room to be turned on no more than 10 minutes before you were finished working out. I once tried 15 minutes but got such a look I never did it again.

Well to make a short story even shorter. the other day Giuseppe and Emmett went to the gym around 3pm. The owner was varnishing the counter and the fumes where unreal and with no windows and no air-co it was hard to breath. Giuseppe as usual could not breath at all. You cannot spray anything near, around or beside Giuseppe or he goes mad.
Anyway he stuck the fumes for around 30 minutes and then reported he could take no more and left, leaving Emmett alone.

Emmett stayed another half hour and then also decided to leave at around 4.15pm.

Next day Emmett decided to go to the gym on his own as Giuseppe was busy visiting Dog. On entering the gym , the owner was on duty. Emmett handed him his card but the owner was not interested, instead he jumped into a rage and started screaming at him in Dutch and in front of several other gym members, then vanished under the counter for a second and then sprung back up but now with a bright red face and brandishing a fire extinguisher and proceeded to run from behind the counter at the same time ranting and raving while still waving the fire extinguisher and pointing at the same time. Even an empty fire extinguisher is not light but the owner is built like an ape man with the strength of ten men. Emmett was scared and started to back up towards the door now fearing for his life. Eventually the owner managed to make himself understood. He was accusing Emmett of setting off the extinguisher in the mens dressing room the day before.

Emmett not a man to do anything silly like that got very angry but explained in a clear quite voice that "Not in a million years" . He then accused Giuseppe of setting it off. But it was set off after 5pm yesterday and as Giuseppe had left at 4pm he was also not guilty. Emmett then informed the owner he would be hearing from his lawyer , The ape man on hearing Advocate (Dutch for lawyer) he quickly changed his tone and apolgised as best a Dutch ape man can do.

Emmett left never to return.

Since then several reminders have arrived informed both Emmett & Giuseppe that they were in breach of the Gym terms and conditions and they now owed Euro 180 in arrears. Emmett wrote back and informed them of several reasons why he was not paying and we have heard no more from them.

Emmett moves to underground

Well here it is , Emmett has packed his bags and his entire life's collection and moved it and himself into a small tiny basement without any natural light and very little air and with him still smoking upwards of 20 joints a day the place is like hell on a good night.

You cannot breath or see with the smoke and lack of air. Giuseppe reported to the rest of the Escape crew on his return from helping Emmett move.
I love it, Emmett informed us , away for the world and everyone, sound proof, sun proof, people proof and every other proof. With all his life's collection surrounding him he has very little room to move it the place Giuseppe reported.
Don't be silly Giuseppe I haven't unpacked yet, why give me a few weeks and you will not know the place. Emmett added.

It's a small damp rat infected little dump. Giuseppe butted in.

Not at all , there is not a single rat or mouse in the whole house, Emmett replied.

No they are all married with large families Giuseppe said.

Ha ha , Emmett snickered, very funny. I'll give you Euro 10 for every rat you catch. Emmett informed Giuseppe.

No Way, I hate rats and I am not to found of mice either , That's a job for Brendan or Kenny Boy.

Both on hearing their names mentioned turned around from there computers, what ! What! both saying it at the same time.

Rats are your departments, Giuseppe informed them.

No we only work on our apartments, call a rat man. Brendan said and Kenny boy nodded in agreement

I don't need a rat man or a mouse man , my place is free of all vermin and is staying that way. I am letting nothing or no one in , as I said VERMIN free.

There are a few rat traps in my stores , Kenny boy said.

I don't need any rat traps , Emmett said , slightly raising his voice.

I think you do, Giuseppe said.

Well I think I don't . Emmett said, jumping in to cut Giuseppe off at the pass.

Look all come over to see my place and you can check for them yourselves, Emmett said inviting them with a look of horror on his face and forgetting his NO vermin allowed speech earlier. (short term memory loss).

Mothership breezed into the office and settled down close to her computer, what's going on here? she asked. What are we all talking about? she enquired.

She got four answers all at the same time, lucky for her she can revolve her head 360 degrees and can answer four questions simultaneously. She quickly shut the crew up and got them back to work. Dead or not dead, mice or no mice, rats or no rats everybody works today , now back to work, she fired.

Giuseppe builds his dream pad

Well it started today. Giuseppe packed his bags and said goodbye to the Amsterdam Escape circus and headed upstairs to live and work. He moved his desk, computer, shredding machine, gym bag, various pieces of clothing which have hung around his desk for months, most of the pens and other writing instruments which he claimed he bought with his hard earned cash. Rest of Escape crew laughed at the words "hard earned". He emptied draws of stuff to numerous to mention here into black sacks and moved them bag by bag upstairs to his new dream pad.

He has hired a team of carpenters to transform the flea pit into a Giuseppe dream pad. He also forged motherships signiture on a lease agreement with Dell for a state of the art (latest model) over head projector. The caepenters have built him a large dressing room with huge double bed on top of that. Also under construction is a large bar with all the bar fittings. I had a try of the bed. It's like being in a coffin as there is not much space between you and the ceiling. I think he made the dressing room to tall and now the sleeping area is suffering.

He has sent out invites to everyone he knows (8 invites issued) inviting them to his house warming party.


and the results can be seen here

Long Time No Blog

Hello everyone. Anyone out there???? Hello , Hello.
Well I know it has been some time since my last confession. Well over 1 month or maybe even longer . Have all my devoted readers left me for higher ground. Hello any Robbie readers left out there?

It's always the same story, you get sick, make a recovery and when you are ready to get back into the swing of things and your firing on all 4 cylinders all your devoted customers, readers , guests and the other lower forms etc etc have all packed up and left for higher ground.

Typical

Now I have to start all over again. I found a book recently called "Digging up customers" all about this guy who's business is not doing so good so he decided to dig up customers (with a shovel) crazy guy. It worked very well except he is now doing life in a central mental hospital.
Still not sure how he made money and I have read it six times.

Well my dearest readers (if any). Where will I begin, how do I restart, from where, here, there, last month, from the beginning, from today, tomorrow or the beginning on a new month. I really have no idea.

It has been a crazy month or so from the time Brendan arrived back from his 2 month trip to today it has been a real rollercoater ride but the waters have been calm for a few days now.

Well we will begin at the beginning I have decided so here goes nothing --- Once apon a time back when men were men and sheep were worried I led the same stress filled nightmare life I still lead today , 30 years on and counting. The End. Thanks for playing .

Now on to more serious matters, off hand I am not quite sure what more serious matters there are just now but I'll try.

Well to start Mothership is making a recovery, not 100% still and might never be, but we have high hopes.

Emmett is also still not 100% but then again he never was. He also suffered a problem with his back and is also making a recovery.

Brendan is 100% fighting fit as always but back in May after his return from his 5000KM / 2 month fun/drive holiday he got a bit sick/ flu or something. He was shocked as he is never ever sick. Skinny little bollox is in better shape than all the rest of us put together.

Giuseppe is the same old same old cronic hyperondriac and since my last out break of blogging he has had several tumors, a dash of HIV, several visits to the doctor who sent him for another round of tests (All negative).

About a month ago he left the office and went to work from home. He has not done nothing since then. Spends all day playing with himself in his apartment and surfing the net. Gis a job like that I hear you say, well get in the Q. I'm first.

This last week he has been sliding down the mood scale. He has been up on top of the world for several weeks now, maybe even 6 of them but we all new it could not last and we were right.

He has also found Dog in a really big way. It's good in some ways but mostly bad. Now when he goes a little crazy he gets a visit from above not sure if it's Dog himself or just a messenger boy, anyway a yellow card from Dog and he quickly gets back into good form. I have seen this myself with someone elses eyes. Thanks Dog.

Mothership received a shock 2 weeks ago when Giuseppe and Emmett decided to quit their gym and join Motherships. O' Dog I heard her say when hearing the news. "It will be great" Giuseppe informed her. "We will get you a bike and we'll cycle up together" Emmett informed her. Help! is all she could say. Two weeks on and still no bike.

Caroline alas Ball of fluff is as bubbley as ever . She started driving lessons 3 weeks ago and loves it. The instructor warned her yesterday to "SLOW THE F... DOWN before you kill us both".
He also informed her he has in all his years of instructing never met anyone who drove like her after just 3 lessons. I am not sure what he meant by that , ball of fluff told us on her return, I must be good at driving I guess. Remind me never to accept a lift from her. Brendan said as Ball of Fluff floated out of the office on a cloud.

Well thats it for now.

Coming soon

Giuseppe builds his dream Pad. 28/06

Emmett moves to lower ground. 29/06

Three little pigs go to the Gym. (date to be confirmed)

Losing my wallet once again. (daily)

Giuseppe & Dog make a deal. (Once a week)

Giuseppe & the job interview. (one off)

Mothership crash lands

Hello readers.

Robbie here. Reporting life from the mothership crash site.

Mothership is in PAIN. Real pain. Slipped this morning while dressing. Twisted herself and is now in 100% pain. Pain like you have never tasted before - unless you have went through a slipped disc.

She is out of action and with 3 sets of tickets for MORRISSEY in London, Rome & Dublin starting next weekend things are looking very bad. She follows this guy about all over the place, where ever Mossissey goes so does Mothership or did.

Send "Get well / Die quicker" messages to percy245@hotmail.com
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Weather.
Strange weather for May. Not warm like it should be. Actually like winter still. Giuseppe rang to say he is sunning himself on the beach.
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Giuseppe heads for Home

Calling all readers , calling all readers.

today's Head lines and low lines.

1. Giuseppe departs for hotter climate.

2. Weeks ceasefire called.

3. All remaining Escape committee members are all in pain in one way or other.

Pain
Ever had some? Real pain? I am talking PAIN not PAIN
Myself- I have pain and I am waiting today to hear from someone, anyone will do, ice cream sales man, doctor, Nero surgeon or whatever.
http://www.pain.com/

BB. Pain in throat and other parts. But is on the mend.

MotherShip - Strange rash on back of her neck.

Emmett - just one big pain.

and just before his departure this morning Giuseppe reported a pain in his lower back/bum.

All escape members need to Escape.

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GIVE US OUR DAILY EGGS.
Today seemed like yesterday to me but as it was not I headed to the bakery to get the crossies (
Croissants ) x 6.

On entering the kitchen area I noticed all was NOT normal. Monday 15th. Departure day for our Italian stallion. I bought 8 crossies but it ended up as eggs for 3. Just mothership, Emmett and myself reported for egg duty which was followed by downing a liter of lemon and lime juice (organic) and a lovely cup of fair trade coffee. NO Nescafe crap for us. The difference in taste is unreal. Remember you're just paying for all that advertising and getting lousy coffee. Fair trade is cheaper, better tasting and helps the poor farmers who grow it instead of making the Nescafe share holders richer. Help the Farmers get a fair price for their product and get a lovely cup of coffee at the same time.

I drink a lot of coffee. I am made up of 85% coffee, 16% water, 9% shit & 1% perspiration.

Switch brands TODAY. Look for or ask your supermarket to stock it Read here all about how you can help spread the word. http://www.globalexchange.org/campaigns/fairtrade/coffee/

Speaking of coffee - StarBucks-- I love them. But I read the other day the milk they use is Bad shit milk. I have complained to them. You can too using the link below.
Protest Starbucks: National Week of Action June 19th-25th
Despite over five years of grassroots pressure, Starbucks continues to serve milk from cows that are injected with genetically engineered recombinant bovine growth hormone, also known as rBGH or rBST. http://www.organicconsumers.org/starbucks/

Also Mars,/ M&M's are also baddies. John Mars and his family own the 3rd largest private company in the United states and have a personal fortune of over $10 billion each. Yet they still want to screw the coca growers out of a fair price for their coco beans. Which make the chocolate which makes their billions.

Despite such overwhelming appeals for Fair Trade, M&M/Mars continues to refuse to offer Fair Trade Certified chocolate, and reiterates total faith in the industry Protocol and other development projects. Despite the good intentions behind these efforts, none ensures the minimum price producers need, and the independent certification that consumers want. FULL ARTICLE -http://www.globalexchange.org/campaigns/fairtrade/cocoa/mmmars.html

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Need your life changed?

Need to change someone's else's life?

Then read this book ---- Jane Goodalls - Harvest for hope www.harvestforhope.com


It's a life changing book.
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Alarm has just sounded on my mobile to remind me to get my ass in gear and get on my bike as I am off to the dentist now- Yes even retards / retreads have to look after their teeth.

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Looking for a little democracy in your life, ----- well look no further.http://www.democracynow.org/

The news Fox and the other "Truth in the news" channels don't want you to hear about.

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The Meatrix 2 is now available to view. Click link.
http://www.themeatrix2.com
Do not miss this.

Another is Storewars http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html

Or if you really really want to Meet your Meat click here
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16.17 pm

Back from the dentist.
He never turned up for my appointment. Only the dental psycho bitch was on who was treble jobbing, working reception, doing hygienist and general dogs body.

As soon as she saw me I knew I was in trouble. She rolled back the large glass windows which separate the receptionist for the low life patients and the rest of the world.

"Appointment with Mr Backer" She said with a little grin and a gleam in her eyes.
"Yes , 13.40" (twenty minutes to two -USA time).

" Well Mr Backer is still on vacation so I am taking care of all his patients" A look of horror must have crossed my face and then without warning she opened fire on me- firing questions at me from all angles.

"Why did you not return since our last appointment with me 6 weeks ago"? "I never got to finish the job on you". I told you it was a 3 course treatment. I expected you to made the 3rd appointment. Now we'll just have to start all over again.

I was going to tell her the truth, which is she is a butcher and should NOT be doing the dental job and stick to answering the phone. She shows NO Mercy. She actually is responsible for breaking my front tooth and then I had to pay Mr Backer to cap it.

Before I could get the words " I want to make another appointment with Mr Backer" out she had me lead into her web and got busy making my mouth a chamber of pain. As luck would have it Dog was on my side and between answering several calls, door buzzer and questions from the other waiting poor sods I managed to get out after a 15 minute session.

" I want you back here tomorrow , same time" to finish you off. she let me know half way through the 15 minute session I found it impossible to say NO as she still had several sharp instruments still in my mouth when she informed me of this.

Telephone rang once again.

Ok Mr R, see you tomorrow. Do you need me to write down the time or will you remember it.

I'll remember it, I replied.

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Well well well at 16.43 in strolled 2 of my most regular readers

Sara Merritt & Big Al.

We had an official escape office photo session together which due to several mishaps went on longer that first thought.

Between blurred photos and mothership not having ever used a digital camera before and even thought you still looked throught a viewing lens.
(never owned a camera in her life and never took photos of anything or anyone). Truth.

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more later after SPELL CHECK.

22.41

Well I spelled checked the above and it's about 77% correct a record for any of my blog enteries so I must be getting better at the spelling. The full stops, comma's and grammar I am still working on.

Well day 1 without Giuseppe went very smoothly, no noise, no fights, no raised voices, no screaming matches. If paradise is half as nice I just cannot wait to get there.

well my friends and dearest readers, I am signing off for tonight,

My pain is quite bad at present so I am off to pop a few pills.

Over and Out

Robbie

More pain for Robbie - MRI Scan

Hello Dearest readers.
It's me the one armed Robbie, I am so sorry I have not been blogging but I have pain still. Killer pain , Blog killing pain the kind of pain you would kill to get rid of.

Had MRI Scan the other day and I am waiting for the bad news.

When one is in pain it some how affects your ability to Blog.

I cannot think of anything to bog about accept pain.

So I guess the subject today is pain.

Pain is not nice, I never had pain before, well I had the odd tummy ache from over eating at Christmas but never pain like this.
I have had over 12 operations in my life so far but all voluntary except one. None of which caused pain like this.

I do not like them places called hospitals. Once you start letting them guys near you. It's bye bye black bird. Try as hard as you can to keep away from them. My father is 75 and has never been in hospital except the one time getting his eye sight corrected. He has always sworn that you have a much higher chance of dying if you go into a hospital than if you stay at home. Any now a days you do read a lot more about hospitals being a breeding ground for killer germs.

Anyway I will know on Monday if I have to have an operation or not.

Robbie the sickest Retard in all Amsterdam.

The return of Brendan - day 65 of 65

Well well well today's the day. Day 65 of 65 , the final day . THE RETURN OF BRENDAN DAY. If you go down to office today ones in for a big surprise because gathered their for certain of course will be BB or what's left of him after a 36 hour travel endurance course, Sydney to Bangkok, then Bangkok to London then London back to Wonderland.

Problem is we do not know this arrival time so we are busy getting his desk cleaned and polished. We did try grill his arrival time out of Caroline (Ball of Fluff) but she is some tough cookie and is a hard egg to break, nut to crack a real double Dutch sort of girl.

Even using the special retard truth syrup which we managed to get her to down half a bottle of it without her knowing, but without much trouble as she is quite fond of most things which some in large wine shaped bottles.
Within a few minutes of her first few glasses she started talking and kept it up, we heard it all, the long the short and the small and even the tall all sorts of stuff poured out of her but not the required information. Everything but.

Shutting her one was the main problem after 14 hours of hearing nothing but the truth , stuff you just don't want to hear. Truth about this, that, him, her, me, Giuseppe, her mother and father, 65 days of travel truth and nothing but the truth it gets to a point when swords are drawn and killer beaming eyes start to look for their first victim. " You really hate me do ya"? " You said that about me" . " I agree" . " Bollox". "No way I never said that" "He's a f...... Liar" , More bollox and even more of the same. "What the hell". "You bastard". Bla Bla Bla.

Finally we had to drug her and put her to bed to shut her up.

Anyway we never did find out Brendan's arrival time so we are busy busy busy with 2 months shit piled up on top of it which had to be sorted or dumped mothership and Emmett got stuck in.

Giuseppe was barred from helping as his sorting skills are still developing.
His idea of sorting a desk piled with stuff is still the black bag trick .
1. Hold open black bag
2. Use extended arm and start at one end of desk, shelf or any counter top which is to be sorted.
3. Move arm in a straight direction along the surface sweeping everything in sight along it and off the other end straight into the black sack. " Sorted" Giuseppe style.

3.40PM
Brendan arrives back.
Hugs, kisses, tears, relief and every other emotion you can imagine and even some you cannot.

Brendan and Giuseppe dragged all BB's bags upstairs to his apartment but on opening the door it looked like a war zone. ball of fluff is back less than 48 hours and has turned a newly cleaned apartment looking like a $1 million dollars into a 1* flea pit. Bags, food, nickers all just thrown onto the floor, Tuesday's & Wednesday's dinner plates with the remains of both just piled into the sink.

They saw several mice tucking into a half eaten sandwich left on the window seat and went over to interview them. Johnny & Michael Mouse explained all the going on in the apartment since their (BB's & B.O.F's) departure back in March.

Pickings had been lousy and with the entire apartment cleaned from top to bottom within two hours of them leaving they were starving to death. At one point they had a general mouse meeting and voted 2/1 to pack their bags and move on. Then as luck would have it several large Americans arrived to stay in BB's place. So they decided to stay.

They went on complain about dirty tricks being used against them and that they had lost two of their gang in an ambush recently in the kitchen area. (Mouse traps). Poison was one thing , "We can handle that" but them traps ." We are totally blind you know". They said they were officially complaining and Brendan would be hearing from their lawyers. (Brendan agreed several years ago only to use poison and then only when forced to by BOF). Brendan loves all dog's creatures and cannot stand cruelty to anything or anyone. Will not even kill a fly, catches them and lets them out the window, this goes for all crawling or flying things which most of us squash on first sight but not our Brendan. He loves them all.

Brendan arrived back into the office after a short time after he had carried out the three s's - shower, shit and shave and looked like a new man.

"BB reporting for duty" he announced.

We told him things had changed since his departure and that we had invested in a new booking system as well as new phones and other bits and bobs. Brendan is a creature of habit and does NOT LIKE change.

Anyway within a short time he seemed to take to the new system like a fish out of water -say no more for now but I'll keep you posted.

Well it's heading into the 6th of May real soon so if I do not stop typing now I will be a day behind or even ahead of myself and you know what that can lead too. No not piles.

Well it's good night from me and it's good night from me. I did tell you I am 2 persons in the one Dog.

Over and onwards

Robbie Retard
It's not be baby, it's the mints.

The return of Robbie

Hello dearest readers it's a one armed Robbie here.
I have to type with my left hand only so my typing may be even worse than usual and with my spell cheker out of order and my eye sight fading I hope you will be able to understand most of this load of .........

Well today we got some surprising news. When Bendan and Ball of fluff left back in March we naturally thought they would arrive back together on May 5th as they were supposed too.

Not a bit of it. Ball of fluff arrives back here in less than 5.35 minutes .6.35am to be totally accurate and with guest in here apartment NOT checking out until midday and the contents of her apartment presently residing in Motherships already over cramped, overflowing studio bedsit it's total mayhem.

We thought we would have 3 days to get the place back to March 5th state but now are plans are totally twarted and we have been caught, like rats in a trap.

What's wrong with that I hear you ask, --- I'm getting there, I am trying to give you a bit of build up and you guys want me to skip right to the punch line.

Well minutes before leaving way back on March 5th ball of fluff visited mothership and got her to swear on a pile of Gideons that she would

1. Allow no parties to be held in her apartment by Giuseppe or even worse a Derek the devil two day bash (now famous all over Amsterdam) as is the Devil himself.

2. Not rent out her apartment while she was away as her stuff was not put away and it would all be messed up, lost, broken, stolen or worse.

After mothership swearing on a room full of Guideons left behind by a previous guest, ball of fluff went away happy and had a big smile on her face knowing that mothership was a womon of her word and her apartment was in safe hands. In fact safeer hands would be hard to find.

As she and Brendan headed off accross the square on their way to the train station to start their two month escape the 1st guests were arriving for their apartment actually passing them on Nieuwmarkt square.

Giuseppe behind all our backs had been advertising their apartment on a web site and had nearly fully booked it for the entire 2 months in an efford to pay off all his credit card debts and other creditors.

Well just another story waiting to unfold.

We'll go live later today for the return of the fluff herself.

Now 1.24am here so I must hit the hay and make play.

over and out

Robbie
The one armed Retard

Queens Day.

Hello all

Today is Queens Day.

Crazy Day

Free Day

If you have never been to Amsterdam for Queens day weekend it's a must see before you die type of thing.

Over 1 million people mostly dressed in orange take to the streets of Amsterdam and have a party. A free open day where anything can happen and ususally does. A mad day you are allowed do anything (except murder) and you will not be arrested or fined.

1000.s of owners set up stalls outside their houses and sell everything from the junk in their houses, champagne and strawberries, home made wine and lots of games as well like try balance a 20 cent coin on an apple in a bucket of water plus the usual ones like burst baloons with darts, get 3 darts into the same bank note and win the note (Euro 100, 200, 500) except if you watch the games long enough you will see NO ONE wins as either the darts are totally blunt or the notes are stuck on to a metal/steel plate.

The best area is the Jordaan area / Princengracht area. The amount of people and boats is amazing and everyone so happy.

This years weather was very nice, a wet Queens day is a real bummer but a warm sunny Queens day is so special.

Robbie in pain- Joe Bloggs standing in for RR.

Hello fellow retards. It's me Joe bloggs just popped in to report on why Robbie has not been blogging in so long. To cut a long story very short he has pain, you name it he's got it. Pain to the left of him , pain to the right and even pain stuck in the middle of him . It all boils down to a trapped nerve in his back , shoulder and arm and other places to numerous to mention. It's affecting his mind as well as his writing hand and his brain is not too good either. As I type this he is being strapped into a straight jacket by mothership and Giuseppe. They caught him trying to cut of his arm as the pain is so bad. Yes that bad.

So I guess he will NOT be blogging for quite some time.

Not very much news I can report on as I am not a retard but a retread. I am a very different type of guy, unlike Robbie I am not a professional drug addict. I spread the word, I spread the the lords good book "Praise the lord" , I'm the guy who goes about the place placing the copies of the lords book you have the pleasure of reading in every hotel room in the world. You guessed it It's me Freddy Gideon. , mother of Mary & Joseph Gideon. We had been printing them bibles in our back shed for years until some rich dude fell down our stairs and landed on a pile of bibles breaking his fall. He jumped straight to his feet and starting running around our basement screaming "Praise the lord", "Praise the Lord" and next thing we know he builds us a huge office block and buys us the worlds fastest bible printing presses and since then we have never looked back

In the end it was a bible that killed him, a collectors edition of our gold plated Gigeons limited deluxe edition we presented to him fell off the wall and landed him square on the head. BANG! Lights out. He left his entire fortune to us.

We now print 3.3 million bibles a week and with a little help of my friends we spread the word.

Our sole purpose is to win men, women, boys and girls to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ through association for service, personal testimony, and distributing the Bible in the human traffic lanes and streams of everyday life.

If you know of any human traffic lanes we have not filled yet let us know rightaway. mail us quick as we want to cover all human traffic lanes as quickly as possible - humantrafficlanes@gmail.com

It's a full time job and it's getting harder all the time. More and more hotels, motels and other accommodation places are not allowing us in. Imagine it, the lords good book not allowed a room.
But the lord said to me " Don't give up" and I told him straight "I will follow you, follow you where ever you may go, I am like a royal Canadian mounty I always get my book in.

By hook, by crook or any other way I get the lords book into over 3.3 million rooms a week. I climb drain pipes, dress up as maids, janitors, under takers, guests, hotel managers, health inspectors and other low life's all in the name of the lord dog himself

"Praise the lord"

I can get a 300-400 room hotel booked out in less that 1 hour 50 minutes just by setting off the fire alarm.

I have to keep ahead of the posse so I am constantly having think of new ways to get the books in.

Even moving the 3.3 million books about in my car is taking more and more time but I have managed to dig up a few helpers, Matthew a tall thin bible basher I banged into one day while using a hotel dumb waiter to get a load of bibles into a hotel only to find Matthew already using it to escape from the hotel without paying his bill. I bought him a coffee and a big breakfast and ever since he has helped me spread the word.

Mark one of our other helpers is a little less of a bible basher he is more like a friar tuck type, a cross between a wrestler and ape, drinks, farts and even makes his own ale.

Luke one of the latest recruits came along out of the blue he was looking for a new way of life and happened to bang into us and he has never looked back, infact he hasn't looked anywhere in years since he is blind from birth.

We may look like an odd bunch but we get the bibles out. "Praise the lord"

Hopefully Robbie will be back soon but until then it's best I get back to getting the truth out to the hotel guests, the whole truth and anything but the truth.

For your free copy click here and win.

63-48=Heven, Praise the lord. But the worst has yet to hit the fan.

Hello all , ya it's me . ROBBIE, remember me . I know it's been a longgggg time but you must forgive me as I have at least 1o3 different reaons, one of which your sure to fall for .
I could start listing them here but I fear I may bore you and with me bursting with blog stories I just do not have the space to spare

Eggs make daily without fights friction or even raised voices reported mainly due to complete exhastion of the three remaining surviving escape committee members, Emmett, Giuseppe & Mothership. All working 18-25 hours a day 8 days a week or more.

They have managed 5 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours and several minutes how much more they can take is anyones guess. I'm taking bets on who snaps first but I cannot name names.

If your a gambler please place all bets by mailing me at robbieretard@gmail.com I am giving the following odds - E..... 1/4 on. G....... evens and M......... 5/1.

I think I'm alone now-----Help! I am.

Hello every one., It's your favorite (favourite) retard here. Robbie .

I am been nominated for the slavery of the year award . I am only a little retard and they have me working like a don't know what, a yellow belly or maybe some sort of lower life form. "I'M A PROFESSIONAL RETARD" I screamed today but there was no one around to listen.

I am all alone. Me, Robbie captain of the ship (Titanic) and with several large holes already reported mostly in my brain I am sinking fast.

Giuseppe AWOL

Mothership - In Dublin seeing Morrissey (love of her life)

Brendan on day 43 of this 65 day Aussie tour.

So it's me all alone here in the basement reporting live on today's happenings.

Only Mothership and Emmett reported for the eggs today. Being good Friday (Easter) the bakery was packed with egg buying Dutch people.Frankly (I never did see anything good about good Friday except a day of school or work). If took me best part of 5 minutes to get to the counter and that's with me using every trick in the book " Fire" "Fire everyone out" Me being a ventriloquist since before I was born It comes in mighty handy in bakeries where there are large amounts of people of all shapes and sizes eyeing up your crossies with their beady eyes. A couple of barks , woof woof (bark bark) and a few "Fire Fire" and your to the counter in no time at all.

Eggs were really extra tasty today , reason unknown. X factor.

Another busy day to day with more check in's and outs. Mothership was hovering here flying there and generally popping up everywhere. With her flight less than two hours away she was cracking the whip and kicking ass and writing 100's of memos of things to do in case of every eventually.
She is only going away for less than 48 hours but I guess you never know, why look what happened to Gene Pitney and he was only 24 hours from Tulsa.

With less than 2 hours before your flight Mothership reports her passport is missing. Images of missing Morrissey flash into her head and she turns into a mental case.

Passport turns up just in the nick of time and she's off.

I'm on my own well Giuseppe is still about somewhere.
Just remembered he has gone to pray to Dog as it's doog Friday.

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today's Weather.
Well we had it all here today. Rain, earthquake, thunder and lighting and very sunny in parts. But in shaded areas very windy and cold.

I stayed in the basement dungeon all day and only ventured out when really necessary.

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AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT - the following is NOT funny so please refrain from laughing. Remember I am watching you.
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AMSTERDAM ESCAPE IS UNDER ATTACK -- RED ALERT -- RED ALERT -
Well readers Amsterdam Escape is a victim of it's own success. The City council has decided we are no longer allowed to operate in Amsterdam.
They have informed us if we do not stop we will be finded Euro 10.000 1st offence, Euro 30.000 for 2nd offence and Euro 90.000 3rd offence.

We intend to fight them on the beaches but we know we are doomed before we start. What a joke. Just because we are doing something which the hotels cannot do they have the power to close us down. We are as legal as we could possibly get. We have a company, we pay tax, vat, city tax, personal tax and many other taxes which the government have accepted for 5 years now as well as the city council accepting their 5% from a business which they now say is illegal.

We also have an asshole of a journlist (Hans Moll) on our backs who keeps writing nasty articles about us in one of the top read news papers here in Amsterdam. After the 1st article was written last year we got a raid from the council at 7.30am who came with the police and questioned all the guests we had staying at the time. Poor guests where still in bed and had to answer questions in their underwear.

I regret to say Amsterdam is quickly turning into a semi police state and all in just 5 years.

This prick has gotten a bee in his bonnet about us. We suspect he is on the pay roll of some hotel or the hotel assocation to write articles about us to
make the council react.

He spends hours on our site almost daily (we know your IP address asshole) studying the apartments hoping to find out where we are located so to cause us even more harm than he already has. What a prick.

We spotted him outside our buildings yesterday taking photos of them and he phoned us twice last week trying to get us to react to him so he can quote us. He even sent several enquiries looking for accommodation to see if we would reply. Silly little man is wasting his time, all we are doing is helping Amsterdam by bringing tourists to the city and insuring they leave with a smile on their faces and wishing for the day they can return once again.

AmsterdamEscape has now been voted the number 1 place to stay in all Amsterdam. Out of over 300 hotels. Our guest books overflow with amazing comments praising everything we do and guest after guest write comments on the net giving us 6 or 7 out of 5.

Victim of our own success.

Sorry readers had to get that off my chest.

I am thinking of reguesting all my readers and all our previous guests to start writing to Amsterdam's Mayor, city council or both and getting a petition up.

one any other ideas please let us know. A Timothy McVeigh job is not on the cards YET. But it's under review.

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Well I have now depressed myself so much I can type no more.

I'll have a quick joint and a cup of coffee (No mothership hot choc tonight) so I'll have cup of coffee.

Back soon but If I am not, don't give up on me readers , dog knows we have come this far. Onwards and upwards.

Robbie





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Saturday with a few spare hours before the storm.

Well hello readers. Really sorry it's been so long since my last confession I just don't know what to say, where to say it or even where to begin. All I will say it's been a roll and rock, up and down roller coaster ride since my last entry.

The pressure and work load is getting to the remaining escape committee members. Cracks are beginning to appear in all sorts of areas. Tensions are running very high and at any moment over the smallest thing any one of the remaining escape committee members could implode, explode, self combust or even worse down tools and go on strike or go slow. Some members go very slow already so with a go slow on , nothing gets done.

Do I remember the last one! I'll never forget it. It started on a Thursday or was it a Friday back one year ago today or was it yesterday, anyway it all started at around 3pm.

Funny enough the day started like any other day, eggs were made, no fights recorded and everyone went about there own escape business. Giuseppe was in his usual Jeckal & Hyde humor and Emmett was surrering from bad knee syndrome and lack of sleep from the pain but was really trying to keep a stiff upper lip.

Mothership had even worse problems and was laid up with a trapped nerve in her spine and could not even think never mind talk or walk. She spend 6 weeks lying on a sofa unable to move with the pain in average daily temperatures of around 30 degrees Celsius.

Without mother ships presence, the wheels of the machine start to creak and within a short time they grind to a halt. Things like colour coordination go out the window within days of her absence. Under motherships rule all sheets, towels, bed clothes and everything else must match the colour of the apartment. Dog help anyone caught putting a red sheet on a green bed or mixing pillow cases, such errors are frowned upon by motherhip and one does not want to get on the wrong side of her. Why with one lash of her tongue she can kill a man at 10 paces and pick his pockets at the same time. Once you are summoned to her chambers very few make it out alive and the one's that do never talk about their crime or punishment.

Well poor BB was really feeling the heat with being left to run entire operation on his own.
With Emmett and Giuseppe being about as useful as a used toilet roll he was beginning to pull the last few remaining hairs from his head.

It's takes a lot for Brendan to loose it but then he does everyone hears about it. It usually starts with the silent treatment and the lack of played music in the office and it moves on from there to answering the phone differently from normal and with one word answers to the clients which is one more that the rest of us get I suppose and then finally he will flip and then it's bye bye BB for a day or two.

TO BE CONTINUED.

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Amsterdam today.

Today started sunny but quickly turned to rain and looked like we were in for a nasty day indeed. With 6 check in's and outs we were busy busy busy.
Suddenly and without warning the rain stopped, the clouds parted and the sun popped out to say hello and welcomed us Amsterdammers to the 1st day of summer. What happened spring I hear you ask, well it never came, winter up to yesterday and about 3pm summer arrived.
That's Amsterdam for you. You can get all 4 seasons in one day here. The Netherlands is such a tiny country the weather changes almost hourly.

Well it's 11.26pm here in wonderland and it's hot choc time. Mothership makes a wonderful cup of hot choc. We even have organic marshmallow as we discovered to our horror a fews months ago that our life long favourite Princess marshmallows are made with beef gelatin so we stopped buying them in protest.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Giuseppe has gone out with the little devil himself Derek. Derek it a young 24 year old Dutch boy. Tall, thin, very good looking and completely crazy. Banned from driving for a year only a few weeks ago he has just driven up outside of the office and collected Giuseppe and off they went. Derek & Giuseppe two of a kind , once they get together anything can happen and usually does. Derek has a nose for a party, he can smell a good party, mostly illegal gatherings in squats or fields or on the beach, their kind of places. All last summer they vanished off on a Friday and returned on the Sunday without sleeping. Party on dude.

More later after chocolate 11.37pm fresh.

12.44am
I'm back from my hot choc break and a chat with mothership about tomorrows work. Another busy day. Ist check in 7.30am except their apartment will not be ready until 2pm as we have guests checking out at 12 noon. So a long wait for the arriving guests. Sorry folks!.

Giuseppe just phoned, sounded out of this head on something, says it's vodka. Telling me about the house he is in. Mice everywhere. This is the kind of place you end up in when you go out with the devil himself. Mice infested squats with furnishings which have been collected off the street, usually with no electricity, candles only. But this one has power so you can see the mice more easier. I ended up in one a year or so a go. Mice were running around having a great time, climbing up the lead of the kettle and running about as if they owned the place. I sat in terror watching their every move. The guys living there did not even bat a eye lid when one mouse decided to be very brave and venture out of the kitchen and into where we where sitting and help himself to the remains of a pizza which had been delivered a short time earlier and was not yet finished. I just sat and watched as I always do.

"He's very quiet, your friend" I heard one of the guys saying to Giuseppe in the kitchen. "He's deaf" Giuseppe replied. Word quickly got about that I was deaf and from then on for the rest of the night I was deafened by people screaming into my ears and making all sorts of attempts at sign language to make themselves understood. I just nodded and laughed and let on I understood every word. I know I made some errors from some of the facial expressions I was getting back.

Giuseppe got me later on to tell me I had really upset one guy who was telling me about his girlfriend going off with his father and how he had tried to kill himself and that I kept laughing and grinning all the time. Word soon spread, "Keep away from the retard".

By the end of the night I was all alone by myself, an outcast among outcasts, the lowest of the low. Branded a crazy by a bunch of the craziest crazies you'll ever meet. I've dug up better people than the collection of lower forms I met that night during my days as a grave digger and undertaker. But that's a story for another night ( I was offering cut price funerals).

I decided to depart this rabble and slipped out a side door and vanished into the night. I knew I would not be missed and my prime spot on the least mouse infested sofa would be quickly snapped up by one of the rat pack.

1.10am
Got to go and get a little sleep . Another day another daymare. 8 days a week.

May 6th is the day we are living for if we live that long. The day BB returns to work.

We need a break to climb a mountain or jump in a lake.

Over and out

Robbie brokenback Retard

Monday wars

Well today started unlike any other. I got up 8am to check guests into Amsterdam Suite arriving 8.00 at airport. But with no keys to check them in with I headed to the office and on the way decided to buy the daily crossies for the daily scrambled eggs.

Having no money on in, in me or around me I headed to the ATM. Usual Amsterdam style ATM closed so I went to the other one across the square, same shit.

Welcome to Monday in Amsterdam. The city that doesn't wake up until 1pm. Nothing happens including the banks not opening. Both machines ran out of cash over the weekend and nobody refills until 1pm.

So with no cash in, on or around me and no old folk above to mug I headed to the office to crack open the safe and see what goddies I could borrow.

I grabbed Euro 10 and headed out for the crossies but as I approached the bakery I noticed it was dark in side, the closer I got the darker it looked but I could see people inside.

As I entered I noticed there was no light what so ever and customers where being served in the dark. Each assistant was using a torch . I was 5th, 6th or 7th in the Q but cannot say for sure.

The assistants where shining the lights right into the customers eyes like they were trying to get secret information out of them. They then used the torches to point out the items the customer had shouted out under interrogation . Alarm bells rang in my head - power cut= No crossies.

I heard someone shout croissants out so I knew there were some.

When I got to the counter the assistant was waiting for me . Light straight into my eye, YES she bellowed at be. Six croissants please I screamed back, forgetting she could see me and I not her.

The beam of light left my face and headed towards the shelf which held the croissants every morning without fail but as the beam settled on the shelf it revealed my worst horrors and morning mares. There on the shelf was an empty tray . The assistant yelled at me " No crossaints left. Next, she tossed me aside like a piece of used toilet paper only worse and moved on to the next victim.

But just as she started moving the flash light away from my beloved shef I spotted (miracle time) 4 crossaints all waving at me to be rescued from the darkness. "Croissants" THERE , I SCREAMED . The assistant moved the light to shine on me again. As it hit me right between the eyes, I said a little more quietly . Sorry I see 4 little fellows at the edge of the tray, can I have them please. She moved the beam back over to the shelf and scanned it for a few seconds which seemed a lot longer to me. There they where 4 little fellows all lined up and ready for bagging.

Now the tricky bit. No power means no cash register. Euro 85 x 4 , euro 85 x 4 . I could hear the cogs in the assistants brain trying to make up Euro 85 x 4 but without a lot of success.

I handed a Euro 10 to her which she held up to the torch light to check it for forgery as their note checking machine was powerless to help.

She scribbled down on a piece of paper 85 x 4 and tried to calculate the sum in her head and after several seconds she moved to the open register which was now being used as a money box. I got back Euro 6.20 but only managed to count it after making it back out onto the street. Not too bad I thought to myself, under the circumstances I might not have gotten back anything and It would be a brave man to go back in there and complain about wrong change on the day there having.

I headed to office and dropped off the crossaints. Collected the keys for Suite and just then the guests rang. I headed over to check them in. 2 Guys from New York. Loved the place and were delighted to hear they had the whole of HQ to themselves.

Headed back to the breakfast club and started to make the eggs but suddenly and without warning all hell crashed down. (No the ceiling did not fall in) Giuseppe and Mothership started fighting over a clean and dirty tea towel, Emmett butted in and demanded to add his 2 cents worth and then Giuseppe flipped and flipped again and started throwing things, first a glass at Emmett which hit him in the chest and fell to the ground as things do when dropped or thrown and smashed into a million pieces, then 2 cartons of organic lemon juice one hitting Emmett in the head and bursting all over him and the other missing him by inches and hitting the kitchen wall which exploded on impact sending lemon juice everywhere.

Emmett then attacked Giuseppe and the 2 of them rolled around the saw dust covered floor. Emmett being a lover not a fighter came of worse. Giuseppe jumped to his feet and grabbed a chair (Motherships to be precise) and threw it at Emmett also missing him by inches.

At this stage Mothership landed right into the middle of the two of them and banged their heads together. "Look, Look at my laundry, Look you assholes pointing to 3 bags of fresh laundry all now covered in glass and lemon juice. "It wasn't me" Giuseppe and Emmett said squeaking and at the same time as rubbing their heads.

Motherships laundry is not to be messed with. She takes 100% pride in her sheets and pillow cases. "Go kill each other else where, not near my laundry. Three loads ruined and I need them for today". ASSHOLES, she shouted as she left the room.

Giuseppe still with the look of a axe murderer in his eyes, looked around for Emmett but Emmett being a man who knows when he is beaten darted for the door even before mother ship had left. Fearing for his life I guess. One never can tell what our little 26 year old Italian terror will do next.

Last week he forged Motherships signature on a leasing agreement for a large screen TV for himself. Mothership has not gotten the forms yet, but she will. Then we will see real sparks fly.

Hold on to your hats.
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Not a lot of other stuff happed today.

We had to bad check ins - COKE & HOLYWOOD - 2 agent bookings. A group of friends . Hotel types and not our kind of guest. Stuffy shirt types would be a why of decribing them or just plain assholes would be another. Cannot stand those types. One of the reasons M.S & Myself escaped the corporate crap back in 99.

We packed in the day jobs, sold our houses and ran to Amsterdam.

Amsterdam Escape is the result.

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1am

Just as I was packing it in for the night , the office door opened and Giuseppe arrives in.

I am going to become a Buddhist he informed me.

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More Later after sleep.
12.17am

TGIF

Well my dears. It's friday, not that Friday is any different to Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday but today is a good day for us. Not busy in the check in or out departments and Fridays are always quite on the e-mail front as well.

Otherwise it was just another day except we had a bit or trouble in Greenland (double booking). NOT for us but for another owners apartment but our booking. We managed to sort it but not up to our usual 110% service. Escape went on red alert -- Emmett booked them a hotel room online and got them a taxi to the hotel but on arrival the hotel informed them they were also fully booked. Nightmare shit. So much for real time online availability @ rates to go www.ratestogo.com .
The Korenaer Hotel Amsterdam be warned. They informed her that they had an apartment available for her. She was walked to the apartment by a hotel runner and shown into a flea pit of a place. She phoned us back almost in tears pleading for help.

Mothership took charge. She offered them complimentary accommodation staying with us. (Amsterdam Tiny) to make up for the mess up. She told the guest to get another taxi over to us and we would pay for it and also give them Tiny for the 3 nights for free.

The guest must have thought something was wrong as no one gives something for nothing so they never showed up.

We spend over 1 hour cleaning it for them and setting it up all in vain.

Anyway Margaret , apologies for the mess up.

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Giuseppe was out with Derek the devil last night so he was a "No Show" for the daily eggs. Just mothership, Emmett and myself and jolly nice eggs they were too.

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Today looks like the 1st day of spring, sun is in the sky and everyone is happy. The terrace cafes on Nieuwmarkt facing into the sun are all full , this remains the case until the sun moves over to face the other side of the square and then all the people move.

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No word of Brendan in a few days. I guess he has hit the trail and will not be seen or heard from for a month. He has gone walkabout . Trying to see a bit of his country.

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So far Brendan has left us with three double bookings. 2 his fault and one no one's fault but the agent.

Double bookings are the worst thing that can happen in the hotel business. Pisses everyone off.

In 5 years of Brendan doing the reservations I think we have had only 1 double booking and Brendan moved out of his apartment to let the guest stay.

We cannot offer them this option as we live in such horrible conditions no one would stay in them.

My basement dungeon pad is so bad even the rats are packing their bags.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Giuseppe is on a painting buzz. The toilet is now lime green. Everything that was in the toilet is now in the bin/ (garbage). I saw Emmett rooting in the bags and rescuing several items, a car shaped toilet roll holder, large clock, several toilet rolls (unused) soap dispencer, several toilet seat covers (collection of) and 2 other bags of stuff. There are 2 full black sacks of stuff I guess he is letting be dumped.

He has just informed Emmett that he is spending the night in the office and painting it all lime green. Emmett looked shocked and started complaining about dumping everything that gets in his way and even items that do not. " You cannot dump all this stuff" Emmett said pointing to Mothrships accounts which were now in the line of fire. "I not dump" Giuseppe replied. "Just move them" READERS, THIS DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE SAFE. "Giuseppe " Emmett started to complain some more but just gave up. You never win against Giuseppe. He just let's on he does not hear or understand anything he does not want to hear.
He usually get's his way by screaming louder than the rest of us.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well folks thats it for tonight

Sorry no laughs but my back is broke sitting in this f...... chair for the last 16 hours. Off for a cup of hot choc.

Back later but if not see you all tomorrow

Robbie Retard
Sorest back in 52 states

Tuesday -, I have a few free hours to blog

Well well well. I have finally grabbed a few minutes , well actually stole them off Giuseppe but he'll not notice. Fear not I'll use them wisely to
update you all with the latest happenings here at Escape.

Since I last blogged way back on March 5th we had just started into the 65 day run of being Brendanless. We are now on day 19 . A long long way to go and with so much happening I do not know where to begin.

Well at the beginning I suppose or will I start from today.

Decision made. I'll start from today while I still have total recall.

Got up 8am feeling nice and fresh but took one look in the mirror and went straight back to bed.

MotherShip rang dead on 9am. "Rise and Shine, Rise and Shine" she repeated before hanging up.

Less than twenty minutes later I was at my egg cooking post having already dropped into the bakery for the crossies. (Crossaints for readers who have been confused with me calling them Crossies for the last three months, folks like Lynn G and I am sure others who have not come forward yet. I'll get to you all If it takes me another 73 years. (Truth be told, I did not know how to spell Crossaints and still don't.)

Breakfast went without any major wars breaking out. Coffee (Organic) but not shade grown as yet (still searching) was made as usual by mothership with lashings of whipped cream straight out of a can.

CUT BACKS - 700ml for the price of 750ml.
We have been buying the same cream for several years now but recently we noticed that the can now contains only 700ml instead of the usual 750ml. The price remained the same as did the can size.

Everywhere you look we the retards of this world are being screwed more and more.

Another example is the soup shop around the corner from us.
In December last you got 1 bread roll with a small soup, 2 with a medium and 3 with a large. As from Janurary you now only get 1 roll with any size soup plus the rolls have shrunk to half their old size. Extra rolls now cost 20 cents extra per roll.
Help!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remaining Escape committee members are working 16-18 hour days. Doing everything from check in's to check out's, looking at leaks, map drawing for guests, luggage carrying, replacing light blubs, replying to over 100-150 e-mails daily (Think Brendan must delete half of the mails every day) answering 50- 150 phone calls and every other nasty little job which come with running any business only worse.

I think guests are the main problem with any hotel. Without them things would be so much easier.

Even myself dear readers your favourite blogging retard has been rail roaded into helping during this Brendanless time. This being the main reason why you have not heard from me in so long.

But I am now putting my foot down , I might even put both down and make a real stand of it.

When asked would I mind lending a hand I said "I am Robbie from Cloud 9, Me clean toilets". but before I could finish the sentance with a NOT I was handed a bag of cleaning items. 1 bottle of Mr Mussel, I wet rag/cloth and 1 dry one, a bottle of red stuff with a nice smell off it, but tasted like shit and several other unidebifyable products.

Go help clean Robbie- Mothership ordered. I looked around in horror as she handed me a list of escape apartments which needed cleaning and an a copy of the famous A-Z of Motherships cleaning tips and a list what needed doing in each apartment.

But I'm a blogger not a cleaner, I bravely managed to get out of my month. But with one look from Mothership I grabbed the bag and ran.

Mothership is not one to tangle with. With one lash of her tonge she's killed many a retard bigger than me.
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We had Brendan's Brother inquiring about our well being today.
Below is his message and reply.

niAlL ( ANsWerS tO yOuR SIlLy QuEsTiOnS aRe BeLoW IN BlOoD ).

but 1st - tHis LoAd Of CrAp

mOst hAvE lEfT bUiLdInG , sOMe tIeD sHeEtS tOgEtHeR ANd uSeD tHeM To eScApE.

eMmEtT sTiLL mAnnInG tHe pLaCe bUt iS iNsUlTiNg aLl tHe gUeStS.

WhY oNlY tHIs mORnIng i HeArD hIm sAy

"WhAt cAN I dO fOr yOu, yOU fAt cOw."

"gO ORdER yOUr oWN"

WhERe jUsT TWO i hEaRd HiM SaY

kEnNy bOy (Hardy of Laurel & Hardy) Is cHEcKiNg iN aLL gUeSts aNd giviNg gUiDeD toUrs Of All THe pUbS He Is bArReD fRoM. (hE wAiTs oUtsIdE)

RObBie wRiTe bLoG uPdAtE tOnIgHT . sO LItTlE tO sAY AnD So mUcH tImE tOsAy iT.

bReNdAn iS MIsSeD LiKE hOlE iN hEad .

mAy 5th HaS offICIALLY BEEN dEcLaReD nAtIoNal BB.day ( BB RETURNS)

mOrE nEwS wHeN wE gEt iT

oVer aND oUT

DeCAn o'LoOnEy - reporting cOLd from somewhere near you.
Start Escaping with us at AmsterdamEscape.com

----- Original Message -----
From: Niall Bowie
To: Amsterdam Escape
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 12:51 PM
Hi there Amsterdammers - bARLEY ALIVE

How is life without BB? NoT GoOd , WoNdErfUL

I notice that your blog has come to an ubrupt ending on 8th March. FURTHER TROUBLE IN GREENLAND

As it is now the 21st I was wondering if you had a meeting and decided that hari-kari was in fact the easiest option....
WE BUILD A HARI KARI LAST NIGHT OF BRENDAN and kept warm for a fEw MinS (NoT MuCh To BuRN)

I will assume that if i don't get a reply, then you have all departed for greener pastures. yOu BeT YoUr BoTtOm DoLlAr, I dIved HeAd first InTo A BiG BAg Of *BaSJoE's FiNEsT and SmOkEd It all. (*Basjoe coffee shop)

If not..... let me know how you all are. we ShUt ThE PhoNes, KiLLeD The InTeRNet, TuRnEd Off The WaTeR, TuRnEd On ThE GaS BuT sTill TypInG LaST OpTiOn and HaVE BoUgHt 3 x 6 feet long / 2 metres of RoPe pER ReMaInIng EsCaPe MeMber.


will be over for a visit with my own little ball of fluff in May. Hope to see you then, or to at least lay some flowers on your resting spots. YoU WilL FiNd Us in The 3rd Caravan To The LeFt, _ FlooR ROOm OnLY


Ciow. Moo Moo ,

Niall /Robbie


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18.03

Sitting in office with Laurel & Hardy, Giuseppe & Emmett.
Death is the subject.

"I have a real pain in my leg " Giuseppe informs us.
"Hope it's not a blood clot" he says. He has being reading all about blood clots today.

He went today for the results of his heart tests, ALL Clear on the western front. I think he was disappointed to hear the news once again.
But since, has been in a great mood.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NEW READERS
A little greeting to Sara and Al. Two readers I picked up along the way and soon to be guests at Escape.
Sent this to them today in reply to their mail.
SaRa LeAvE RoBbIe In ClOsEt.
SaRa BoLd GiRl.

RoBbIe PaRtY WeLl , TaKe mAnY PiLlS . RoBbIe pArTy AnImAl . Me TeAcH hOwTo PaRtY .

RoBbIe BlOg ToDay- RobbIe POmiSe. RoBbIe SaY, SaRa GoOD GiRl in BlOg.

NoW I BlOg OfF. Me WOrK NoW.

OvEr AnD Out

RoBbIE
The Robbiest Retard in five counties
----------------------------------------------

Al -- Help! , I'm in the closet. Get me out of here---

----- Original Message -----

Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 5:37 AM
Subject: Re: Tell I do , for Sara is nice girl.
ok it's the 20th NO BLOG, ROBBIE THE RETREAD, IF YOU WANT AL AND I tO ShOw U how to PaRtY, you NeEd to bLoG, dam it, otherWISE, we leave you In the CloSeT wHiLe we PaRty!Love you for Sara is a nice girl.Sara and AL

SARA GOOD GIRL , ROBBIE SAYS.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Other New Readers are our recent guests in Amsterdam Hollywood ROY & Tami . Emmett checked them in and during check in Roy asks Emmett how am I. "Robbie hasen't blogged since March 8th" "He's very funny"

Well Thank you Roy old chum. Makes my effords all the more worth while.

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Shredding Bills (unpaid)
Giuseppe has taken up a new way of dealing with unpaid bills.
Mothership put several bills from agents and doctors on Giuseppe's desk earlier in the day.

Just now 6.08pm she enquired from him information on said bills . He mumbbled something about having dealth with them. But mothership being Mothership was not going to give up that easy. "Where are the bills" she enquired of Giuseppe. Giuseppe started looking throught drawers, baskets, folders " I only gave them to you today" She explaimed" Surley you haven't buried them already". "Anyway here are two more to look at."
She handed them to him and in front of mothership's very eyes he shreadded them, "There in America , let them chase me". he said.

Mothership grabbed the three remaining bills from his desk which where for sure next to be for the shredder."I'll paid them" she screamed. (not remembering she is DR in her bank account). Mothership never has a cent as she paids Emmett's & all my bills. Truth is I never managed to pay a bill in my entire life. I don't have a bank account, finger prints or passport. I'm from cloud 9. We are way above passports. Why where I go I don't even need roads.
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ACTUALLY TODAY WAS NOT SO BUSY .
One CHECK IN and one check out .
Check in was for Amsterdam Grass (repeat guest).
The check out did a D.I.Y job and managed to get escape without us seeing them. Those agent bookings are always a bit weird (Bookings taken by agents on our behalf). We had a real crazy one on Friday night just gone. I am saving the story for the correct days entry.

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2.05am
Robbie's bed time readers.

Up in 5.55 minutes. Going to break all the mirrors in my cave first thing when I get home

Over and Out

Your Retard and Mine
Robbie

Help it's Day 5 of 65. 1 mistake could spell doom

Well hello all.

Just a quickie to keep you all up to date with todays happenings

well that's it for today.

Robbie

Wednesday.

Burrr it's cold outside, even colder than yesterday and yesterday was freezing . Got up at 9am to the ringing of my Mothership alarm call.

Got dressed (same clothes now for 5 days and beginning to smell)
Don't ask please, I'll cry it I have to relive it. It involves Giuseppe / Black sacks / Moving / 2 x buildings sites and me. I am close to loosing my religion.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In buying the crossies just now and I notice people are keeping their distance from me. Christ I must really smell bad. Smoking those 20 odd joints a day don't help.

"You don't half pong mate" some old man said making me turn around real quick because I thought he was talking about me, but he was either talking to himself or into a mobile or maybe I am having day mares.

I must remember to dig out some clothes
I must remember to dig out come clothes

If I say this to myself a few 100 times I might remember. There are several Ikea bags packed with my clothes in the office.

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Now to fill some space up.

What is green and purple and wants revenge?
The Grapes of Wrath

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Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they started discussing them.
The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.
The second man said his son was doing just as well. He was a manager at a car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari. The third man said his was doing well too.
He was a manager at a bank. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend the money to buy a house. The fourth man just shook his head. He said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much. But he must be doing something right because, just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!.
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A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judge ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.
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A hunchback is running along a street being chased by a pack of children.He stops, turns around and shouts, "Will you all get lost! I haven't got your bloody ball!"
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What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?When the power goes off.
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Yes me again. Nothings like a load of jokes to fill a days blog.

well my dearest readers. Sitting here in the basement office. 11.04pm. Giuseppe sitting beside me all quite. He has easy listening music on , Niall Diamond, Billy Joel sort of stuff.
I have a pain in my head from it , either that or a brain tumor is coming on.
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Not a lot to say today so instead of boring you my dearest readers I go play with myself somewhere. Wish me luck.

Over and out

Robbie

Tuesday's retard works hard for a living

Good Evening readers.
Your reading the writings of one very tired retard. It's 1.59am . Was out of bed at 6am this morning and am back up again at 7am.

Since BB left we have had early arrivals every day, and I mean every day, not every second day but each and every day, Monday to Sunday. No rest for the wicked and this little retard.

How does BB do it. I am more convinced than ever that he has several clones up in that apartment of his and this is how he drinks every night and no matter what state he is in going to bed he is up every morning and at his post well before the other Escape members have even thought about getting out of bed. No wonder we never get an invite to dinner or even lunch.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday and it's snowing quite bad.

Monday the start of another rock and roll week. What has this 7 days got in store for us. Judging by the last 7 days quite a lot but they say you should never judge the future by the past, but I always do and I ain't been wrong yet.

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Mothership just checked in another repeat guest Ann Mari Hjorth from Norway. On her own this trip as her partner could not make it.
She just escaped a few feet of snow in Norway and was depressed to find snow on your arrival in Amsterdam. She is here to relax for 5 nights.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lynn and Joe in Hollywood are still with us. They have decided to stay a few more days as they missed the first 3 days due to having no luggage, food poisoning and having no coats to go out in.

We have decided to let them stay in Brendan's apartment as we are fully booked in all our rented places. Hope Brendan does not find out (N.Bowie - if your reading this, mum's the word.no telling tales).

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More snow and more snow, apartment leaks and a warm welcome to my new readers

Welcome welcome every one but a special welcome to my new readers The wonderful Lynn & Jo Ginsburg who are currently staying in Hollywood and dropped into the office today to give me a swelled head. They are readers of my effords and gave me a very high vote, Lynn being a writer herself and Joe being a blogger editor or something to do with blogs gave my blog the thumps up. Thank you, thank you, my sister thanks you, my mother thanks you, my father thanks you and I thank you and I know if I dug up my grand parents whey would thank you also. Where is my shovel.

Readers- The 1st three days they spent without luggage and then poor Joe got a spot of food poisioning (Killer Clams) and since they arrived the snow has not stopped and to make matters even worse they have no coats as there in their luggage. All in all a wonderful start to a vacation -not
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Today in wonderland.
Day 3 of 65 without BB.

Up at 7am to check out Ray from AmsterdamHigh. Snow is pouring down, He really enjoyed his stay and said he would be back soon. His 17th trip to wonderland. Another happy guest.
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We have sprung a leak, not sure where from but there is a drip of water rolling down the wall in Amsterdam Sweet. Think it's the snow melting which is causing it. But I ain't no roofer.
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Gotta go and do some work -- More later.
4.15pm
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12.13am
Long break. I went to the movies but fell asleep watching it. So I cannot say if it was any good.

Even more tired now so it's bed time for Robbie.

Bye bye black birds

See you all tomorrow

Robbie Retard
Voted Retard of the year 2005.

The Sun is Shining but it's snowing.

Well dearest readers.

The worlds weather has finally flipped. Today in Amsterdam the sun is in the sky but it's snowing. What! . I said it's SNOWING while the sun is shining. Open your ears jackass.

HELP! we are really f..... For sure.

THE WORLD IS FINISHED

I am over 188 years old and in all my years I have never seen this happen.
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Life without BB
Day 2 of 65.

We had contact with Brendan. Just a little message saying . Hot, Dam Hot.

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We are busy introducing the new reservation system while Brendan is away. We have been working on it for a while now but with BB hating change we could not make it live until his back was turned. In fact he knows nothing about it. Sorry BB.
What will happen on his return one can only guess at. He don't like changes.
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New Doctor. / Giuseppe's Tests.
Giuseppe has gone to Dr Cambridge and is hoping for at least 30 tests to be carried out on him. beating Jims by 10.

"More on this when we get it. -- His appointment is for 4.30 so we should have news by 5pm unless Dr Cambridge commits him to a mental hosital.

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Freezing outside.
Have lost touch with my feet, haven't heard from them in several hours. Hope they arrive back soon as I want to go home or to the gym

I am still trying to rid myself of the major overload I am carrying around on a daily basis..

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If NOT click here and enjoy more ramblelings from
Enjoy October 2005

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Day 1 of 65 without Brendan + other useless information you don't want to read.

Well Well Well. Here we go on the longest roller coaster ride this retard has ever been on. 65 days of ups and downs, in and outs, the odd curve and a few bends. Where it will stop nobody can tell.

After 65 days of this extra work load the remaining 3 escape committee members, mothership, Emmett & Giuseppe will be either given a medal each - 1st, 2nd, 3rd or they will be found all hanging from the nearest lamp post, tree or maybe even a suicide pact where they all count up to three or down from five and jump at the same time or push each other might be another way.
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Giuseppe went to this new doctor we found advertising in the Ex-pat paper, Dr Cambridge. Giuseppe has run out of doctor's to try at this stage and was so delighted to find this new one.

Emmett's father Jimbo (Jim aged 75) found him first. Jim like Giuseppe is always on the hunt for new doctors and once they find one they rush to be 1st to get an appointment. Both being suitable cases for treatment in their minds.

Well Jim got to Dr Cambridge first and came away with a form for the hospital listing tests for everything you can imagine and others you couldn't possibly.
He was so delighted. He also got prescriptions for sleeping tablets and other pills.

"He is great", "Best doctor I have found yet in Amsterdam" "Look at all the pills I got" " "I am going tomorrow for my tests" were just some of the sentences which poured out of Jim on this arrival back from the now famous Dr Cambridge. "I have an appointment tomorrow" Giuseppe pipes up. Looking at Jim with one eye and the other on his huge selection of pills.

Giuseppe this week has developed dizzy spells, racing heart and several other nasty diseases like HIV and bone marrow disorder. "I'll need a lot more tests than that" Giuseppe said, looking at Jims form for the hospital with a dozen or so ticked boxes out of about 60 different tests on the form.

FULL REPORT ON THE TEST RESULTS AS SOON AS WE GET THEM.

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ESCAPE - WITHOUT BRENDAN RAYMOND BOWIE / BB / BRB / THE MAN WHO CAN /
Well this is day 1 (of 65) without BB Bowie(The man who can).




Well where do I start. This is Friday 3rd March. Busy day today with 4 check ins several check outs.

Giuseppe was suffering from being out on Wednesday night with Derek the devil and was in a foul mood. He was driving mothership and Emmett crazy with his lectures about loosing keys to the apartments, charging guests Euro 100 for lost keys (Little Hitler), Checking the apartments for missing items (We have had a few items go missing from the apartments over the past few months. Bold guests.

We caught one guest (NOT NAMED HERE) lowering down our juke box (worth Euro 6000)from Amsterdam Suite on to a hired truck. Lucky for us the truck was too small to hold it or we would have lost it. The guest said when caught " Sorry, really sorry,I just fell in love with your apartment and wanted a souvenir from it". It's a fair cop gov.

The smoking ban in the office was quickly reintroduced as was the heater game Giuseppe & Emmett play all day every day during winter. Giuseppe turns them off and Emmett turn them on, Giuseppe turns them off and Emmett turn them on and they do this every day when Giuseppe is depressed. Depression seems to make him very hot.

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9.30pm / 21.30 to the rest of us.

All check-ins complete. 4 happy guests. Well 3.5 anyway
Amsterdam Grass / Amsterdam Den / AmsterdamHideaway and Amsterdam Loft /
Well actually Amsterdam Hideaway were not that happy as we had a bit of a fuck up.
Brendan gave them his mobile number instead of ours. He must have forgotten he was going away) so the guests were waiting out in the freezing cold for quite a while.

Mothership found them standing outside the office unable to speak because of the cold. She poured them a stiff drink (water, stiff in Motherships eyes as she is a teetotaler).

She then marched them out of the office in military style and checked them into Amsterdam Hideaway. Still not 100% chilled out. She locked them into their apartment and shouted at them through the door to go and sleep it off.
But she also left them a bottle of red wine to say sorry for leaving them out in the cold.

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9.52
Frankie Boy, Motherships Peruvian boyfriend arrived back just now. He is staying until the 11th. We intend to make it a working holiday for him. As he is an early riser so we hope to talk him into doing all them 6am check-ins.

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Giuseppe has just arrived back into the office. 1st words out of his mouth were directed at Emmett. "Am I looking very white in the face" . Emmett turned from his computer screen to look at Giuseppe's face but already knowing the answer in advance. He studied Giuseppes face for several seconds and concluded that there was nothing strange about his face what so ever. Giuseppe looked disappointed.

Looking for a second opinion he appealed to mothership. Do I look very pale he asked her. Mothership , without even looking up confirmed Emmett's verdict that he looked just like a 26 year old should look like, only better. Giuseppe looked even more depressed and went back to consulting the internet on other possible diseases he might have caught since breakfast. Amazingly bird flu was not on today's list.

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10.14pm

Mothership & Frankie boy have departed for higher ground so it's just Emmett & Giuseppe and yours truly left in office. All very quite. Not even a whisper to be heard.

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Well readers it's an early night for Robbie tonight as them darn guests will be bugging me 1st thing in the morning. This would be a great business if it wasn't for guests.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Signing off

Robbie Retard
The robbiest retard in wonderland

Brendan says goodbye or asta la vista suckers.

Well the day has finally come, the day BB departs our shores.

We'll be going over live to his departure but first a word from our sponsor.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOOKING FOR APARTMENT IN AMSTERDAM.
WELL LOOK NO FURTHER, CANCEL YOUR SEARCH Trip advisor the number ONE travel site ON THE NET.

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Welcome back. The clock is ticking down towards the BB kick off time.
BB has just received a call from his travel agent to inform him that they recommend he & ball of fluff get an earlier flight NOW because of the snow is on the way. Planes are all going to delayed so they may miss their connecting flight. BB phones ball of fluff who is out shopping for junk to give to the poor people out in the jungle. Lucky them, nothing to eat and no running water (Little village she lived in during her teen travels) but they will have lovely souvenirs of Amsterdam.

"Baby" we must go NOW. Ball of fluff is enjoying her shopping trip so much she tells BB to f... off and to keep the flights the way they are. BB is having none of it. Baby we will be stuck in an airport for 24 hours waiting for connecting flight. Ball of fluff was back in seconds (Broom stick job?) and was down in office with the biggest back pack this little retard has ever seen. Looked like Atlas holding up the world. She is a BIG girl is our ball of fluff.

All packed and ready for the off, Hugs all round, kisses, tears, hand shakes, more kisses, a little crying and they were off, just like a dirty shirt. Little and large go walkabout.

Readers- We will be reporting almost daily on their two month walkabout, so stay tuned.

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Well Emmett, Mothership and Giuseppe are now in charge.

What will happen over the next 2 months is anyone's guess but it should make for some really funny blogging. Looking forward to the next 65 days.

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A joke anyone?

A little kid comes running into the backyard. He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!" "Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."

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Another one?
The Pilots.
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!"

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Well it's my going home time. I get unchained for 8 hours a day for a little R&R.

So see you all later sizzle chests, over and out

Robbie
The cutest little retard I ever did see.

It's snowing here in Amsterdam or am I dreaming

Afternoon all.

Woke up 6.30am again. Becoming a regular habit of mine along with smoking 27 joints a day among other things.

The snow arrived while I was asleep, Took us all by surprise.
On opening the front door of my dungeon basement studio apartment I was faced with several feet of snow. I had no measuring tape on me so I can only guess at the height. I crawled out through a little hole some big rat had made in the snow (properly moving out of my basement from over crowding)

Made my way to the office and I have just time for a quickie as I am now a very busy retard. Rushing here, dashing there and all while learning two oriental languages, Not bad I say so myself. Well who else will listen.

Come tomorrow morning I am in charge.

BB Bowie is off tonight to float in a flotation tank for 45 minutes to relax his body before his long flight tomorrow.
Hope he does not drown.

His ball of fluff has just arrived into office all excited about their big trip.

flotation REPORT ---ON HIS RETURN.

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renovation and excavations in Amsterdam Sweet (F.k.a. Amsterdam Tiny.)Safe found ---- While our odd job man (part of the Laurel & Hardy team) we hire for doing our odd jobs. Chris & Kenny boy. Kenny boy arrives back this week after 2 months down in the south of France looking after his 87 year old mother.
Anyway during our recent renovations of Amsterdam Sweet (f.k.a. Amsterdam Tiny) but now much bigger so we had to change the name after several complaints from guests about the size being not tiny enough to be called Tiny. So it's now Amsterdam Sweet but not to be confused with our Amsterdam Suite ----Anyway to get back to the SAFE story. We found a large safe -LOCKED - built into a unit which was built into the wall. Everyone got excited. Some (NO names) were spending the money even before we cracked the safe, one or two were straight on to their travel agents to book exoctic holidays.

Anyway to make a short story even shorter, Chris cut the safe in half with a grinder (His safe cracking skills are not up to much) once inside he produced the contents, 1 wallet (Plastic) with 35 cents (Gilder cents) Netherlands old currency and nothing else. That is the end of the safe story except all holidays were cancelled and everyone is now back at their posts.

Pigeon with eggs found lodging for free -
Also during renovations we found a pigeon sitting on 2 eggs living in a vent shaft. We were always wondering where the Pigeon sound was coming from in the apartment. No guests ever commented on it. Anyway me being unable even to kill a fly since reading Jane Godalls "Harvest for Hope" (Buy a copy and change your life) No I am not on commission.
I instructed Laurel (Chris) to enclose the vent for good with wood. It can now be used forever as a nesting box and it's larger now as well. We just pushed it much more out of the apartment and out into the back garden. Pigeon now very happy.
She was scared at first as she thought , Oh'fuck there goes me eggs" but Laurel did a good job (with a little help from my brain) "I didn't know the window opened" he said to me after 3 days working in the apartment (Amsterdam Tiny). Without my brain the eggs were doomed for sure.

Scrambled or fried?
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Now a shark video to watch .

No expense is spared to bring you the best of shit. Worth a look, but 1st comes an interview with Bono of U-WHO. You can fast forward to Shark video and skip the Jesus Christ interview.

UPDATE-- MARCH 5TH -- I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THE SHARK VIDEO HAS BEEN REMOVED. TOO SCARY , SORRY DEAR READERS. BUT THE INTERVIEW WITH JESUS CHRIST (BONO) IS STILL THERE IF YOUR INTERESTED

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Well it is 8.48PM GYM TIME. BACK 10.30pm - To Come .Our special report on low life's, flotation tank report and lots lots more.

Tune in later

over and Out

Hi it's later ---1.07 am
Still at me post. Brendan arrived back drunk as a skunk and was unable to report on any flotation tanks. So this report will just have to keep until May 5th as he has now left not only the building but the country. Unless I head him off at the pass.

Good thinking readers, You put the thought right into my blog.
I'll just get a very long ladder and climb up to his apartment. But Suddenly remembering I am scared of heights.
"Giuseppe", "Dearest Giuseppe" "Giuseppe dearest". Dam and blast, when you need the little b......, when you actually need the little shit, he does a AWL.
He sits about for months and months and when I need him, when I can actually make use of him, he goes to ground.

Last seen heading in the direction of a night club (CLUB NL) on Dam Square with the little devil Derek. Derek is a story for another night.

well 1.17am I am past my sell by date so I better skip the light fandango and make tracks.

Until tomorrow my fine feathered friends

Your favourite (favorite) Retard
Robbie

Counting down the hours till BB departs

Morning all.
Yes it's 6.30 am here in wonderland. I am up early as this is the final day of Brendan. After today he is no more. Gone, departed for 56 days or is it 65 days. Anyway he's left for down under. Sydney to be accurate.

From tomorrow Emmett is in charge. ha, ha, ha.

We are going over live to Emmett's desk for a quick interview.

Question. Now that you are in charge while Brendan is away, what changes do you intend making.?

Emmett. Well to start I have a long list of simple changes to make.
1. For check ins before 6am we make all guests check in themselves or wait till I get up at 9am.

2. I'll use 3 elastic bands around the 3 reservation books to keep the current date open.

Question - How will this help with reservations.?
Emmett- Well it won't but the desk will look better. It's a neatness thing. I hate mess. (ha. ha, ha, hee, hee hee, Several Escape committee members break into laughter on hearing this answer and take out their phones and take pictures of his desk and right away start white mailing him that they will post a picture of his desk on this very blog. I have no time for white mailers, give me a black one every time.

Question.
Can you get up at 6am like Brendan does?.
Emmett. Not a problem, I have just bought a sonic boom alarm clock.

Question.
Will it wake you?
Emmett. Well it says on the box, guaranteed to wake the dead. I intent testing in on my mother tonight.


Question.
Brendan will be away for over 2 months how do you intend to cope with the main man away.
Emmett. I have bought a large calendar and I am going to mark off the days as they happen. Just like prisoners do in the movies with a knife except this will be the real thing and but I'll be using a black felt tip marker.


Emmett ---nO MoRe QuEsTiOnS , nO MoRe QuEsTiOnS.

Sorry folks we have lost Emmett there.

Now for something completely different.

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The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of "Baywatch"
have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise.
After all, both companies have made millions off airheads with
flawless skins, Malibu tans, and synthetic breasts.

If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certain
to follow. Some possibilities:

Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment,
where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessories
include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets and an arrest warrant.

Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders
important tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how to
take care of their nails while shoeing a horse.

America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crime
against feminism.

Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks!
Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is,
Ballerina Barbie's struggle with bulimia, and Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.

My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as regular teens who
don't have huge wardrobes, pools, ponies, and perfect bods.

Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American dream is explored with this doll,
which shows what happened after Barbie graduated from high school, married too
young and ate too much.

Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder stateswoman of the Barbie set (she's 27!)
arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.

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Well I did warn you.

More?

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody

This is a story about four people named everybody, Somebody, Anybody
and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was
sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but
Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was
Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody
realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that everybody
blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

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NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR -

Got a friend who's life needs changing?

A Fat, meat eating friend?

. Well buy a copy of harvest for Hope by Jane Godall and read it. Then pass it on to your friend in need.
It changed my life, my grannies life, my mothers sister on my fathers sides life and the neighbor next doors life.

AND YOU COULD BE NEXT
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

wElL DeArEsT Readers. I must go and play with myself now as it's past the witching hour and as you know when you gotta go, you gotta go.

See you later fruit cakes

over and Out

Robbie Retard
Going where no retard has gone before.

MotherShip returns today. Time unknown

Good day readers. Robbie here with all the news that is the news.

The return of Mothership.
We are preparing for the return of Mothership. We have not been issued with a time (keep us on our tippy toes) so we are flat out getting the red carpet cleaned after the paint accident, balloons blown up, huge hand made banner "WELCOME BACK TO THE SWEAT SHOP" Painted in large red block capitals, decoration hanging and everything else looking ship shape.
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Went for the daily crossies and made the eggs. No fights reported but tensions are running high and moods are not the May West but we have our fingers crossed.

More Later

Well it's later now, much later,in fact it's already the 28th so I better stop blogging as it's way past me bed time and boy oh boy do I need my beauty sleep.

Mothership landed in one piece around 9.30pm (USA time) / (21.30 earth time)
100's of well wishers lined the streets to greet her. On entering her apartment she was last seen heading for her stash of class c drugs. Smok'in.

Mothership recounts her away tales to rest of Escape committee. tick tock, tick tock.

and now it's after 1am.

Well readers as you can see this entry is very small. Sorry about this but it's life Jim but not as I know it.

over and Out , until tomorrow

Robbie Retard
The weirdest retard in the west

Sunday, Sunday Sunday, How long , How long must I live this N........

Sunday, yes you guessed right another one.
52 in a year or if your unlucky 53.

Some people love them, some people pray for them, others pray on them a lot shop on them and more and more of us work on them but everyone will agree Sunday is just another day only worse.

I am not a fan of Sunday's at all. In fact I would go as far as saying I hate Sunday's almost as much as I hate Monday's.
Tuesday's do very little for me either as for Wednesday's the only good think about them is their not a Thursday.

The only day I like really is Friday and I have no idea why. It might be something going back to my childhood or my school days. Friday was Jam sandwich days. My favorite. Monday & Thursday was corned beef, Tuesday was Cheese. Wednesday was current bun.

In my present life all the days are the same. I hate them all, the long days, the short days and the in between ones. I think it's time we had a few new one's. We renew, update, change, remake, remaster, remodel, mess with, fuck around with almost everything on earth but in several 1000 years we have never changed the days of the week. Shorten them, make them longer, skip a day, a week, a month, make June July & August 40 days each and shorten them nasty ones like Janurary.

Why is February 28 days? I think it should be 27.

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202pm
More Later, if there is one.

-----------------------------
Well what do you know, There is life after death.
12.07am. it's actually 27th now but I am letting on it's still the 26th.

Today was quite with not much happening at all so I am very little to write about.

Intact I have nothing to say at all except it's mighty cold here in Amsterdam.
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Went to see Brokeback mountain again tonight for the 2nd time in a week. Good movie.

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Smoking is again allowed in the office. Giuseppe is thorn between letting me smoke in the office and the new smoking rooms upstairs. He has removed the smoking signs from the office and toilet but went out and bought a very noisy air purifier and has it going full blast. I think I would rather have the smoking ban than the noise.

I am deaf in one ear and cannot hear in the other and even I think the machine is very loud, DOG help anyone with normal hearing.
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Tomorrow (today 27th) is another day. It's a Monday. Just got a cancellation for a weeks stay starting tomorrow in Chillout . Guest just mailed and said he was robbed in Rome of Euro 2000. Not sure if the prices were just too much for his credit card or he actually lost cash. I know Rome is very expensive.
Bad news all round. Cancellation is one of two words any hotelier dreads the other one I dare not mention - Sorry. It starts with an F
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Well Mothership arrive back tomorrow Monday 27th. We will have the red carpet rolled out ect ect.
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well it's good night from me and it's goodnight from me.

Good night
Robbie Re
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Oh shit I'm still alive, it was all a dream ---- Me & Bobby Ewing

Saturday, what a day, so little to tell and so much time to tell it.

Feb 25th. Saturday

Got up at the usual time and went and on the usual croissants buying trip.
Bakery was packed with riff raff and other lower forms but I managed to brush them all aside and make my way to the counter.

Made the eggs and Coffee. Coffee was 100% perfect. Mothership would be proud of me.
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Giuseppe decided the other day to change his entire life. The list went something like this.

First buy a bike.
Then
1. Get up 7am daily
2.go to gym 8am
3.go swimming twice a week
4.Finish work 5pm daily
5.Buy big screen TV (ceiling mounted version)
6.Take a months holiday in August.

So to start the ball rolling he and Emmett went on a bike buying spree, well two to be truthful. One for Giuseppe and one for Emmett. Non-stolen bikes at euro 75 each from WaterLooplein market. You can buy stolen bikes for euro 15 or less but with bad karma the way it is they decided to be honest and buy stone cold bikes and not hot of the lorry.

2 locks cost us Euro 51.50 each extra
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Evening all or is it still morning. One can never tell when living in a basement like I do. Small is no name for it, tiny is a better one. I have seen convicted low life's living in better conditions than I do. I only have a 14 inch (You filthy minded so & So )TV and with my eye sight the way it is I can not see much.

I had a friend visit recently and I have to move out to make room for him to stay.
yes that small.
The rent is Euro 850 a year but it's way too much for this mouse infested little dump.
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Had to give the cleaning crew a hand today as without Mothership around hell is about to go POP.

Giuseppe as usual takes charge "No No, Charge later after sleep" he tells possible guest on phone. He's from Barcelona or Sicily. Giuseppe not the possible guest. God help us.

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Brendan is marking off the last few days on this huge count-down calendar he bought at the beginning of the year. Only 3 days to go and he's off.

HELP!

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More later or maybe not

Robbie Retard

Life without Mothership

Greetings All

Me here. Just dropped in to give you your daily bread and other info about life, the world sitation, Amsterdam, your mother and other shit to numerous to mention like mood swings and swings in general, rain and the lack of it, noisy cheap shreadding machines and even more.

Amsterdam today was cold but sunny. Looking out the window one one think it was a summers day until you look at the people shivering to death in the cold.
I have just caught my second cold of the winter all because I never wrap up.

Our Brendan is the best wrapper upper I ever did see. First sign of winter and he has his hat, gloves and scraf on. Me on the other hand loose every glove, umbrella, hat and scraf I get my hands on. So I freeze most of the time. I can feel a cold or worse coming on as I type this. Hope it's not cancer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Word reached us that Mothership arrived in one piece and their accommodation was fine. We have had NO direct contact (even thought there is a phone in the room)but this is not ususual infact once mothership leaves town on a mission from DOG or anyone else she forgets everything else and just focuses on the mission ahead.

Warp speed captain.

Full Report as soon as we receive it.
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8.42pm
Sitting in office waiting for a few guests to arrive. Brendan off playing squash and Giuseppe is off playing with him self somewhere.

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8.50PM
Giuseppe has just arrived into and annonced "It's Friday" (This is the signal for I am going out, gis a loan). If i asked him " Are you going out tonight" the answer coming back would be "No, I stay home tonight".

"Try walking in my shoes is blaring out of this computer and even thought I can only hear in the right ear (deaf in the left) I am being blasted by "Try walking in my shoes".

I will try it - Stayed tuned.

Question --- "Giuseppe are you going out tonight"?

Answer --------NO where I go, I am sick.

See I was right.

I will let you know tomorrow what happens.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Feel like poppin a pill. If I was not waiting for guests I would.

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Mothership departs for a home run.

(ABOVE PICTUREsS
One IS OF B. R BOWIE ON MEETING ME FOR THE 1ST TIME BACK IN 2002.
other is flowers given to Motherhip on her departure.

Good day to yah all, sure it's me here. Robbie Retard.

While I have a few minutes I'll fill you in on the latest from this mad place called Amsterdam and the latest happenings at Amsterdam Escape.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Today is the day mothership and Frankie boy depart for Irish waters. They left for a flight but at 4pm were still in the airport.
Their taxi got stuck behind a bin/garbage truck for over 1 hour so they missed the flight.

More on this later.

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Ever wondered where the meat you eat comes from ?Check this out and this

If you live in the USA chances are your eating GM foods and you don't know it.
Learn all about them and why your government will not make GM products and products which use GM in the manufacture say so on the label. Big business does not want it so YOUR government says OK.

So much for government by the people for the people. It's government by the few for the few.
Next time you are asked to vote by one of your so called elected politicians, complain to him about you and your family are being poisioned by GM foods and it's HIS/HER fault. Ask to do up a bill and keep doing bills until one is at least read in the house or if luck would have it, passed in law. Maybe the next president?
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Brendan and his ball of fluff (Caroline) are all excited about escaping from us for 2 months, 65 days in total. Asta la vista babies.

Little does he know that behind his back we have sold the entire business right out from under his feet and as soon as he has left the buildings will be running after him, in the opposite direction clutching the cash in our little fists and laughing all the way to ????. Nearly gave the new location away there. All I can say is there are NO TAXES, NO VAT, no low life's and other riff raff and sun 362 days a year.

I am safe writing about it here as he never reads this blog any more.

But readers please keep this info under your hat.

We have been really busy selling all the furniture off and other bits and pieces all without alerting BB.
We have for the last few weeks managed to keep him from visiting any of our apartments because if he saw no furniture and all our bags packed even he might get a little suspicious.

More on this later if your good.
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Nervous Wreck

Good day to you all. I may not show it from my typing but I am a nervous wreck.

I am nervous about everything. I am nervous when I wake up in the morning knowing one of theses days I won't. I am nervous in the shower In case I fall and damage my manhood. I am nervous brushing my teeth in case I brush too hard and they fall out. I am nervous when walking down the street as I imagine a car mounting the pavement and hitting me or just being mugged. I am nervous about talking to people and I try to avoid this as much as possible. I am nervous about meeting people and nervous about not meeting people. I am very nervous driving a car either by myself or with someone else at the wheel. I hate driving nearly as much as I hate root canal work.

9.38PM sitting here waiting for guests to arrive. BB has gone to the pub and Giuseppe followed close behind. "I done enough for 1 day" Brendan said as he left.

I turned a few different shades of red, blue, green and then white. Now sitting here with my stomach turning with fear. The office door open and the freezing cold wind blowing in waiting for the guest's to arrive. I thought being from Sydney Brendan would check them in but how wrong I was.

I hate checking in people. In fact I hate nearly everything. I hate the world, myself, my mother, my back pain which never goes away, Dutch dentists (I am on number 4)all butchers. I hate carrying bags, climbing stairs, the cold, the heat, rain, sun, sand, most people and nearly everything else you can name.
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9.46pm
Tick tock.

How long, how long must I sing this nightmare.

9.47pm
Another minute gone.

9.49pm
I walked to the door as I heard voices.
My hands are so cold from the wind.

9.50pm
Just felt the heaters. Giuseppe has turned them all off.
Fucker.

9.51
Heaters on.

Tick tock, tick tock.
The guests which are arriving are only staying until tomorrow. And we cannot even give them a late check out as we have others arriving.

Arrive 10pm checkout 12.00

Seems crazy man.

More later or maybe tomorrow as my hands are blue with the cold.

over and out

Robbie Retard
The coldest retard in the west.


PS-- UPDATE.
Guests loved the apartment - Amsterdam Hideaway.

A day just like most others

Hello readers. Long time no read.

Me long time no blog, Sorry dearest readers but if you remember I retired almost 2 weeks ago.

There was a great response to the "return Robbie ballot " which Amsterdam Escape carried out on thier site
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Today my head is not good. Infact it's bad.
I have been depressed for several days or is it years now.
I can only think of death and ways to do it. Wish I was not such a coward.

Sick in the head is worth two in the bed. - See I really am sick.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last few days have not been kind too us.

Very few days go by without some disaster hitting you straight in the face.
This weeks was the Amsterdam council paying us a repeat visit to try catch us breaking there silly rules. They gave us a 15 minute warning this time. But we always play by the rules silly or not so they were wasting there time and our tax money.

More later folks. I need a joint. OVER

Just another Manic Monday

Welcome welcome one and all.

Its me your Host Robbie Re. So glad you dropped in for a wee read.
Speaking of reading - Looking for a life changing book? Jane Goodall's latest
"Harvest for Hope" is a wonderful read and could change your life as it did 3 of us, Mothership, Giuseppe and myself.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We have 19 cleaning jobs this week. A busy week indeed. Does not sound much maybe but cleaning 19 apartments from bottom to top is no mean task.
Back breaking stuff and I have the back to prove it and so has mothership.

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12 days to BB day. The day Brendan migrates to warmer pastures. Lucky bleeder, lucky bleeder. He ain't half one clever bastard skipping off for the two busiest months of the year. I tried getting into one of his cases but I am just too large/fat. Hope he does not notice the large hole my shoe made in the inside of his case. I patched it up with selotape as best I could.
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Well it's a Monday so I better get my ass in gear and go and do something. What I am not quite sure. I'll let you know when I find out. I had a list some where, the same one I had last week only longer.


Over and Out

Robbie

Simple Minds - Friday 17th

Greetings low lifes and other critters.

Woke up at 8.25 to the council coming into my apartment. Fucking assholes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They come around to check each year that we do not have more than the allowed amount of guests in each apartment.

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Brendan + Caroline, Emmett and Giuseppe along with a few other 1000 simple minds are all off to see the band in concert tonight leaving me all alone once again to check in simple guests.

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Joint time, back later.

Valentaines Day

Hi there all you Valentaines please spare a thought for all us retards who some how or other have been left on the tree, Ripe but unpicked.

Isen't life strange with it's little twists and bumps and the odd turn. I know all about it I read it on the box of my cornflakes box during breakfast.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Received no cards and sent no cards so we're even.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Robbie Retard

Feb 11th Saturday - Roses Roses everywhere.

This valentine's day racket has really turned into big Business.
It's amazing the power of marketing. We are told to buy flowers, cards, chocolates, teddy bears and and lot's of other junk. And each year they think of new ways to screw cash out of us.

Counting down to Brendan's departure

Hi everyone it's Friday 10th.
I have increased the font size so all my older readers will not have to squint so much.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Got up and got ready as per usual and went for the crossies .

I entered the bakery and was 2nd in line. There are 2 assistants on. 1 is serving and the other is placing rolls in bags. 4 more customers have now entered the shop. making 6 and only 1 being served.

Now 7 people in and shop is crowded but still she puts the rolls in the bags.

Finally the other assistant says something too her. The face and expression she gave her back,. like "What, you want me too serve theses low lifes bread" .

Anyway finally I got my 6 crossiants and headed to make the eggs.

Eggs 100% perfect

All moods good.

Brendan in fine form. Giuseppe in fine form. Emmett in fine form and mother ship is in fine form (what else dare I say) except for the pain she is surrering from after the dentist butcher got hold of her 12 days ago.

12 days in terrible pain. She has begged and borrowed pain killers from anyone and everyone and mother ship is not one to take tablets. She hates taking any tablets.

"Not good for you" she informs you, if she catches you taking even the smallest pill.

She went back to him to complain but came away still in pain but even more so. While he got hold of her he removed the 3 stitches she had to have on her 1st visit.

" Have you been washing your mouth out with them mouth washes" He demanded to know.

"NO I never use any of those products" Mother ship replied.

He cannot admit he has fucked up. He just sent her away.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
7pm

Giuseppe decided to cook his specialality dish (sorry forget name) . Only 2 takers me and mother ship.

A lot of work to take on just for the two of us. Giuseppe must be going out tonight. Buttering us up for the " Gis a loan" requests.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tonight I have my 1st check in (10.30 Schipol). Not having done one for so long I am a nervous wreck.. 10 lads on a stag weekend and just little old me. "You took the booking you check them in" Brendan informed me the other day. HELP!

Alarm bells started ringing in my head, hot and cold sweats and what's left of my heart went crazy everytime the thought came into my mind.


Well I am crazy. Everytime someone see's our places they love them so I should not be worried. But I am a worrier and not a warrior like Brendan.


From the time I opened my eyes this morning it's been on my mind.


Tick tock tick tock. The check in time approches.

10.30 PM Schipol.

I head down at 10.30 even though Brendan will phone me when the taxi has collected them, but me being nervous as hell I head down too make sure all is ok with the apartments and to turn on all the lights and gadgets.

10.50pm
Brendan phones " There on there way" he inform me. My heart misses several beats and then starts racing like mad.

10.55.
Our crazy landlord arrives back from Eygpt with a ton of bags and suitcases. I helped him inside with them praying that the group would not arrive for a few more minutes.

11.30
I am still waiting for them when our land lord comes out all spick and span, showered and shaved and wearing his finest.
The minute I saw him I knew it was Friday. (He goes out on the town every friday) . His taxi arrived and he was off.

11.40

I have forgotten the guys name at this stage and am thinking of phoning Brendan again to ask him for the 2nd time but though better of it. I'll just say "Hello lads" or "Hello Guys".
I said both over and over too myself to see which sounded best.


11.45
The two taxis arrive with the group.

The taxi doors open and they start to pour out. They all get thier bags and they march into the hall. I am holding open the door and greeting each one on entry forgetting each name instantly opon hearing it.

All in all in. I close the door and turn around to a packed hall, 20 eyes all staring at me. I swollow deeply and say

I'm Richard , one of them pipes up.

Hi Richard , I replied and "Follow me" I said one and all.

We all tramped up the stairs and suppenly there was a mad scramble and all ten were gone. I walked into COKE and guys were running about looking for somewhere to call MINE keep off / out.

After a few minutes several started to panic. I could see it on there faces "NOT ENOUGH BEDS" SAHRING BEDS WITH MY FRIENDS , HELP , ALARM BELLS start to go off in several of there heads.

"Where are all the beds" people start too question Richard.

I broke my silence and spoke up " Order, Order, calm down There is a bed for everyone . No sharing required. No need to abandon ship.

Several faces turned from worry to happiness on hearing my words.

They had ordered NOTHING to be in the apartment for there arrival so all they got was the standard complimentary mini bars which were consumed in minutes, all 20 beers and all other drinks and sweets were devoured.

Then the questions started. " Where can we get, this, where can we get that' "Beer " Sex, hookers, strpippers, the wicked "D" word.

Several of them followed me down to our office and borrowed several cases of beer and several packets of jaffa cakes.

So it's jaffa cakes and beer all round, I guess.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today in Amsterdam was a ok day, started cold but got warmer later on.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Very busy in Amsterdam. We are turning away 100's of requests for accommodation as we only have a few apartments and we want to keep it this way. Any bigger and we fear loosing the personal touch we offer at present.

And already we are working 13-16 hours a day each just keeping a few apartments operating.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2.46am

me tired of to watch coronation street.

More later

Robbie Retard

The sleepiest retard in the west.

ZzZzZzZz ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Brain transplant required

Hi readers.

Johnny two times here tonight, I say Johnny 2 times here tonight. Standing in for Robbie Retard. he is unable to make it tonight due to industrial trouble in Greenland and also due to the fact he is on the short list for a replacement brian transplant

We hope he is tested and rejected as we like him just as he is, cuddley.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

More tomorrow night. By the man himself.

Over and Out

Help. I need a life

Greeting earthling.

Where do I go to get a life. I need to escape asap.

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Wednesday 8th
Sitting in office and thinking of ways to escape.

I have just read back the list to myself and I am

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Think I better finish this at a later date as I will have you all suicidal


Robbie Retard signing off
The most depressed retard in the west.

Feb 7th, feels like Jan 9th

Evening all.

Tuesday 7th.

We start with something for all you meat eating readers - If you think you love animals there's something you should know about - Where the meat you eat actually comes from. www.Meatrix.org

-------------------------------------------------------
To see Robbies 2005 blog click here
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Ever wondered were your 100% beef /hamburger comes from.?
actually every time you enter a fast food joint and eat any of there meat products you are actually poising yourself and paying for for it.

It's true. Think about it. How can anyone sell a product like a hamburger for $1 / Euro 1 or even Euro 3 and be anyways good for you.

It is true, they are made of 100% beef but the 100% beef is so fucked around with by growth hormones, pills, fattening tricks, no natural food like grass, no day light or very little and this is just the mild stuff.

The beef you eat (Unless organic meat) is BAD for you.

"But it's to expensive" I hear you say. The answer to this is - , eat less but better. We all eat too much anyway. Organic meat will taste great and will do your body no harm.

Meet your Meat- see the video here
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Amsterdam Today.

Well today in Amsterdam was much like yesterday only different.
What else is there to say. Amsterdam is Amsterdam where else on earth can you go out walk less than a few minutes and legally go and get stoned.

More later

But a joint first.

Robbie Retard

It's me -

Hi All

I am just noticed I am developed a nervous twitch in my face. Driving me too drink so I am off to the pub.


See you all later.


Twitch twitch


Robbie Re
The twitchiest Retard in the West

It's official I'm a retard

Hello everyone, yes you too.
I have had to rent out space to advertisers on my blog. I need cash to make my great escape by Friday so I have taken on a few sponsors and a couple of real crazy dudes.

Now a Word from our main sponsor

"It's 1000% official. I am now officially dead".
Like the sound of theses words?
Wish you were saying them instead of me?
Well you can too with our new super easy death programme.
For just the price of your house we will fly you off to our suicide paradise resort where you will live for 2 weeks forfilling your every fantasy and then it's off to never never land. Packages start at just $399.000 dollars which includes our all in service.

I signed onto for this new death programme. They guarantee you a perfect death or your money back. It's quick, painless and really really works.

This guy has bought an island and is offering amazing package deals. One way trips only. One in a life time sort of thing.


Robbie Retard

Thursday Early Feburary 2006

Well hello sports fans.

Yes Robbie here, fresh and ready to go.

Good bye

Robbie Retard
The Roibbiest Retard in Greenland.

Welcome welcome every one if your special branch or on the run.

Good day .
Yes it's me I'm Cathy (Formally Robbie). I've come to Amsterdam to get the operation. More about this later, much later.

Onwards and upwards

This just popped into my head and now it's coming out of my mouth, there is no stopping it.
Hello Sid Snot here. Me and my bird Deirdree went to the park, to feed the pigeons, to my cat. - Kenny Everett. As a kid I grew up watching Kenny Everett. During the 70's and early 80's he had a weekly show and was the original alternative comedian along with Dave Allen and I am sure I can trace a lot of my craziness back to watching "The Kenny Everett Video Show" and the Dave Allen at large Show alas both are now fertilizing daffodils now

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ESCAPE NEWS

Giuseppe (cost cutting) Urso is totally gone mad. After preaching at us for nearly 2 weeks about cutting costs and all that shit (We at escape work 16 hours a day and at the end of each year HAVE NOTHING to show for it all. 5 years in and we have not made a penny. All money is spend on making the guests happy, in the last 6 months they have added PC's in most apartments, free hash or grass on arrival for all guests and are constantly spending on painters, replacements and everything else.

I told him straight - "Cutting Costs is like asking my mother to give up Vodka. Impossible".

Giuseppe has demanded with menace all the bills we pay monthly, gas, electric, phones, internet and every other bill you can name and some you can't. Dee in an effort to save the office from another coup quickly produced all said bills with ease from here very efficient filing system (2 metal boxes and 1 cardboard one).

He has spend the worst part of 2 days on the phone to each company demanding (Italian style) cheaper rates, bigger discounts, bonus points, free coffee machines, a toaster and other so called "free gifts" you get to switch over to a competitor.

I tried to tell him there is NO such thing as a free anything but before I could get the words out he had signed us up to a new electric company. Effective immediately.

5 minutes later as I was leaving the building I heard Brendan shout "Who turned off the power" and I heard Giuseppe say "Oh Fuck"

Just another day in Escape land.

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Were did January go?

Well dear readers. Yes 1 month gone and already into the 2nd one.

Time has really increased, some one, some how has managed to quicken up time and has gotten away with it, still 24 hours in the day so we THINK but really a day is just a few hours now.

Have you noticed everyone is much busier than they were just 5 years ago, everyone is rushing about like ants trying to get everything done but with a lot less hours in the day it is not possible. How mnay times have you heard someone day "There's just not enough hours in the day". This is Someone on the verge of realising that there is and never will will enough hours in the day. THis type usually commit mass murder or worse.

We now work longer hours, weekends, bring work home with us and do we get paid extra for this. No, it's now expected of you, if you want to keep your job you have to play ball and do whatever the employer wants.

Most people are scared of loosing there jobs but really your better off just givng up and changing your entire life. A complete turn. Escape the rat race and go and find your paradice. I saw a programme recently about a village still cut off from the rest of the world. Living like they did 1000's of years ago. Their day is made up of getting food in and when finished they are free for the rest of the day to do whatever they like. Conversation, making babies whatever.

Thing is I felt right at home. Escape the madness of this crazy world and with a bit of money from selling your home you could go to a place like this and get up a place and retire from the world, no tv, no internet, no mobile, no nothing or maybe a couple of home comforts.

After all your going to work till you are 60/65/67 and by then your to old to enjoy anything. Send your entire life doing only the things you want too do.

Sounds good? Join here.
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Blog blog blogging around. Help I am 7 days behind.

Greetings low lifes , all new readers and a special hello to Stephenie Farnell-Wilson.

Robbie here blogging from high ground. I am trying to keep things as high as possible. getting to higher ground is most important.

Today is Feb 1st, 2nd 3rd, 4th, 5th , 6th & 7th all tossed into one longggggggggg big melting blog entry. The kind of entry what would make most people so mad and sick you would want to get up and take a hammer to there grandma's head, if she still has one.

Confused? Me too. Read on anyway.

Where do I start. Feb 1st is so long ago and my short term memory has been on a go slow ever since I increased my joint intake to 20 joints a day so I am just going to make it up as I go.

It was a Thursday or was it a Tuesday, anyway it was a bright, cold, wet, windy Amsterdam day . (just covering all angles) .

I awoke as usual and went for the crossies and made the eggs.
I think.

All Escape memebers are in fine form and no bad moods to report but the day is early.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A now a word from some low life we picked up in the street.

Sir- Sir escuse me.

What ya want.

Every day we let some nutter have their 15 minutes of fame, today is your lucky day. Get it off your chest.

Well , well I am sick of the way our (the people's) money is spend by the governments of the world on behalf of the people. They decide what they want to spend OUR money on. This happens no matter where you live.

Take In Engand at present- The new brest cancer drug . Herceptin would cost 100 million pounds to give to every womon who needs it.

But no no it costs twenty thousand pounds per womon , too much to save a life. They can spend billions on going to war to kill 1000's of innocent people against the wishes of the people but when it comes to SAVING there citizens lifes they say . Too costly.

The latest on 1 case. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/4689992.stm

And take the failed "Millenium Dome" also in england http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/about/dome.html
government ministers from both parties spent over 1 billion of our money on this crazy idea. One Billion sterling pounds.

Every country is the same, wasting billions and billions of OUR HARD EARNED MONEY on projects they decide is best for us.

Another crazy thing is the police. We pay the wages of theses guys to go about giving us shit, giving us fines for this, that and the other. No lead on your god. I got a Euro 78 for having no poop scoop and no lead.

Abolish them all.

Thanks for that ya mad man. But come to think of it you speak a lot of sense.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now moving on to other inportant stories just in.

Amsterdam Today or was it yesterday

Weather so so.

Life so so.

My mother so so

Your mother so so (or was last night)

Everything else is just wonderful or so so.

----------------------------------------------
And if anyone of you are thinking of going into hospital, a word of warning. Keep your eyes open in those places. A friend of mine went to one and came back with a baby.

Dentists are just as bad why my sister went to a new dentist after her last dentist tied to remove her teeth.

This new guy was a real charmer. After her 1st visit she came back full of praises for him, " He's gentle as a pussy cat, he's wonderful, he's Super dentist. But it was only a front. Just after she arrived for her 2nd visit last week , no sooner was she in the chair then he had removed one of her wisdom teeth and was making a try for the 2nd one until she kneeded him in the you know what's and made a run for it. She got 3 stitches but is in real angony. She has another appointment along with myself on Tuesday next. I will issue a full report in Wednesdays blog if I can still type.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well now on to more pressing matters.
Sorry forgot what pressing matters I have.

let's move on to matters not so pressing. Intact lets move on altogether. and skip the rest of this entry.

Ready, if we all jump together it's much more fun.
No pushing each other.

1, 2, 3, jump

Well that's it , hope you got some laughs and please tune in again real soon for some more fun and frolics and you never know who will be hanging about.

Leaving Amsterdam on a jet plane but I know I'll be back again.

Good day readers,
Yes it's the first day of a new week. One I have been dreading for over a while already as tomorrow I fly home to Ireland. Have not been back in 4 years and I know I am in for a lot of surprises. All nice ones I hope.

I am a nervous flyer. Not a fear of flying. Just a fear of traveling. I spend most of any flight praying for it to crash. I know it's very selfless of me towards my fellow passengers but a death wish is a death in anyone's language.
-----------------------------------------------------
Good day good day as Brendan would say and will as soon as he gets back down under. D-Day is March 2nd for two lonnnnnnnng months. Another reason for wanting the plane to crash.

We are dreading his departure and have thought up every known way of changing his mind
"Is there anything wrong with the one I have" he said to us. When we last tried.

Sorry I am going on a rant and rave session. Brace yourelf.
The Right To Die
If the right to life is written into most countries constitutions why not the right to death.
If like me your bored as hell with life and every day is worse than the next I believe you should have the right to put yourself to death. Like in the film Soylent Green . You go to the state dying centre and you watch your favorite movie, listen to your favorite music and just go to sleep. Except in the movie your turned into food to feed the over populated earth of 2022 (not long to go).

We are heading for bad times ahead. The privatization of the worlds water supply is a real bad move for the worlds people. Not long from now (2025) water will be more expensive than oil and only the rich will be able to afford to buy it.

No government anywhere should be allowed to sell of the PEOPLES water supply off.
Places like the UK sold off the water and the companies are now making record profits and the price just keeps going up and up.

Shares in water companies world wide and profits from water are at record levels already. Watch them rise over the next few years.

Once again it's governments helping big business.

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Well sorry for going off on one there.
------------------------------------------
Todays fights. ding ding round one.

Today in Amsterdam was a very nice day in deed. I woke up in a real bad mood. Got ready (the three s's) and headed to the local bakery for the croissants and then to get the daily duck bread.
Met Giuseppe in the supermarket and got talking to him and came out without what I went in for. With me already in bad mood it did not take long for it to spread to Giuseppe. "I blamed him for letting me come out of the supermarket without Euro 5. (croissant cash). The ATM was broken so I went in to get cash back. After I ranted and raved a little he took Euro 5 out of his pocket and gave it to me. Very generous fella is Giuseppe.

Fights 2 Both happened during the making of the eggs and the eating of the them. With me still in bad form I was being irrate and snappy. Poor Giuseppe had to retreat with his eggs to the office.

I quitened down then and the bad mood seemed to leave my body and float like lead up above me over head.


more later

Another Amsterdam Sunday, God help us not another one.

Well good day to you all.

Be god if it isn't another Amsterdam Sunday already.

Got up at 10.10am and headed over to make the daily eggs (free range of course) No crossies today as the bakery is closed so we are on the bread also Organic. (tasted pretty shit)

Went on cleaning duty to day as there was a lot of cleaners and very little cleaning (reverse that) So me and my sis got our buckets and bags and headed off to clean Amsterdam Grass .
Grass is a small studio apartment but it seems to take ages to clean the little green devil.
1.5 hours later (23m2 / 230 sq feet) we are finally finished and we head off to our next one
Amsterdam HQ

Cleaning finished at 4.20pm and then coffee time followed by a joint and then back to office.

Duck feeding time, a little later than usual but they seemed glad to see me. They devoured all 4 larged sliced pans in record time.

Back in office.

8pm
All quite on the western front.

Nothing happening except Giuseppe has arrived in and went straight into cleaning and screaming modes. NO SMOKING in office.
He cleaned everywhere, vacuumed, removed all ashtrays, printed signs out and hung them all over the place NO SMOKING.


One sign reads ---NO SMOKING, anyone caught will be taken to fort smith and tied up with piano wire. Another has 4 pictures of people dying of cancer.


He has gone mad religious again, went to video club and rented out the 1977 remake of Jesus Christ (Robert Powell 6 hour version) God help us.


I have just visited the little boys room and he has a NO SMOKING poster hanging up over the toilet and others on the way into the office.

Where will it all end.



10.51PM
Just myself and Giuseppe in office "Just going to roll a smoke" Giuseppe informs me. He has banished all things connected to smoking up stairs to one of the new smoking zones he has created (Even God rested on the Sabbath) I told him.


NO SMOKING-- he shouted at several passers by outside on the street, they quickly crossed to the other side. He has stuck several of his posters up on the small poles out side of the office . Pollution Free Zone they read.

He has really flipped this time. He was on speed last night and I think he is still flying.

" I am too lazy to climb" he says. "Come on we both go roll" I say. I need a joint.


10.57
Smoking break. Back soon

11.51 pm
Nearly a one hour smoke break, no wonder we are broke. If I smoke 10 joints a day and they each average 1 hour . Add it up . It = get fuck all done. Well I did have a hot choc as well and a chat with the sister.

12.06 / 00.06 am
Giving up smoking from February 1st. Giuseppe has driven me to it. Either I commit suicide, murder or I give up smoking joints. I hate cigarettes. I love joints and I think they are quite fond of me also.

Maybe I could commit myself to the local mental hospital. I hear they have a few spaces since the head nurse went on a rampage last month and wiped out 12 inmates. I will apply and see that they say. Anything is better than living around a bible bashing, x chain smoking , (current smoker but not inhaling) , preaching , screaming (It's the Italian in him, they all shout really loud when talking)
psycho

Well it's me bed time 12.13. and I am off .

it's good bye from me and it's good bye from me.

Good Bye, until tomorrow. Sweet dreams. Unless your reading this during the day. NO DAY DREAMING .

Over and Out

Your friend and mine

Robbie Retard
The coolest retard in the west (Freezing outside)

Getting back in Blogger mode.

Greetings All.

Today is the 27th of January, where did the other 26 days go. I really truly believe someone has given the earth a few extra spins and we have skipped several days if not weeks of this month.It's not possible it's 27 days since I eat myself sick with xmas shit.I am very depressed today. By accident I got a look of myself in the mirror last night for the 1st time in several months if not years, this old man was staring back at me , all wrinkled, lined and very flabby. It took a while to realise that it was me. Isn't time a terrible thing, It should be banned.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I am thinking of suing Jane Goodall for ( Harvest for Hope) making me more depressed than I have ever been before. If you want to read a book which is life changing please beg, borrow or be really good and buy a copy from her site. My sister read it first and cried several times and now it's my turn, I am on page 123 and already I am mad as hell.
I have done some crying also and am now depressed as like never before. It's 2 weeks since any one of us shopped in a supermarket (except for the ducks daily bread) and now I cannot buy anything which is not organic. Real organic. Not Mickey mouse organic. There is a difference.Luckily for us we have a few great organic stores near by. In 5 years I have never been inside any of them and now between us we are spending several 100 euro a week.No more supermarkets for us. -- Change your life and read this book. It's not difficult to change a little more expensivemaybe but as she points out we all eat too much and leave large amounts on our plates, well most of us. Except real fat bastards.So eat less but buy better. A lot of what goes on your plate is actually bad for you. Do you know where the contents your eating has come from? I remember less than 20 years ago we actually knew where are food came from. The dairy a few miles up the road delivered our milk, eggs, butter, cream DAILY. Fresher you could not get. And I am talking several 100 thousand people, not a little town. So fresh that if you did not get up early the birds would fly down and peck the foil tops of the bottles and drink the cream off the top. Milk you buy now a days does not have cream, actually it's not even milk. Only the colour tells you it's milk. Our milk is so fucked around with by the time you actually drink it I do not think there is much goodness left in it.Recently just after switching to organic we happened to RUN OUT OF EGGS so we borrowed a few BAD EGGS from Brendan.Only after tasting them did we realise the difference in the taste. It's totally different. Organic , you can't beat the real thing.We tested one of them which Brendan had bought in the supermarket for freshness (fill pot/saucepan and put egg in , if the egg is fresh it will sink. If it stands up in the water it's old/stale/ A BAD EGG. It stood right up. The packet said they still had 3 weeks of shelf life but they were already gone off.Here is something I found about eggs and how to test for freshnessCan you eat that egg?By Scott MatthewsIf not sure you ought-ter, then place it in water.If it lies on its side, then it's fresh; eat with pride.After three or four days, at an angle it lays.But, it still is a treat, so go on and eat.Ten days, stands on end, in your baking 'twill blend. 'Cause it's definitely edible, in your baking, incredible.But, if it floats on the surface, that egg serves no purpose. 'Cause a floater's a stinker!Out the back door best fling 'er!Better to eat real good food than the shit most of us put inside our bodies and I mean it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Weather Report1.53pmIt's fucking freezing here, and has just started to snow.Office is empty of bodies so I am running to roll a quick joint, see it's in a few minutes.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2.16PMBack again.Snow has stopped but it's on the way again soon - BIG time.It's freezing.Off to feed the ducks, back soon (does he do any work I hear you ask) I'll answer that one later. Much later.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2.47PMAround 50 ducks, 1 swan and a load of pigeons all full of brown bread and all happy when I left. I think they are getting to know me as they all swam up to greet me when they saw me coming.Do not think anyone fed them today as it's so cold just standing feeding them frost bite could set in quite quickly. Four large sliced pans a day I buy for the daily duck feeding. It was costing me Euro 1.45 per pan until I was informed about the cheaper one , sorry ducks . They still eat it up like crazy all the same.---------------------------------------------------------------------------Office News.Giuseppe is busy building chairs for the new computers (PC's) we are adding to Amsterdam Loft, Amsterdam Den & Amsterdam High , well when I say building I mean putting together but without reading the instructions. He usually hands you a bad of "Theses are left over bits" after each putting together job he takes on. Yesterday he went out and bought 4 unusual desks for them (Not Ikea). They look good, as luck would have it they came in one piece and not make up jobs.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------TRAVELSI am off to Ireland on Tuesday so I will be AWOL until Thursday , Cannot blog as where I am going there is only a dial up connection and it takes forever. Back to the bog boy. (Irish saying) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Going political for a few minutes. No yawning just read on and take it all it. It effects you as well.Got tax bills yesterday for Euro 16.000 . Feel like doing a Timothy McVeigh on their offices. Sick of this tax thing. It's a crazy but a very clever thing.the way the system is designed, world wide to keep the little guy down and poorish, " Just let them enough to keep them working so we can take over 50% of everything they earn". World Wide elected governments waste our money on stupid "pet" projects thought up by governments ministers or on behalf of big business and mostly against the wishes of the people. Can you imagine we elect theses guys to do what they want with our money." Government by the people for the people" . Remember theses words? Well what the hell has happened. ?Most if not all governments are run by the government for the government (themselves and there friends (big business). Every government is at it, private jets, state banquets, state trips, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Billions of our $$$$ is wasted every year on this sort of thing.Why can they not just book a restaurant like everyone else or a normal seat on a plane or even two if the want a bit of privacy.--------------------------------------------------------------------Reducing governmentMost governments are far too large. Governments world wide should only have 1 person from each county / state / province and these + 1 leader meet to discuss what the people want and how to divide up the budget and best serve the people. Instead we have at present a world wide system in each country where we have 100's of mp's / td's / senators / lords / mep's + millions of civil servants (who actually do the jobs we elect the mp's / senators to do) and millions of others, lobbyists, spokes people, spin doctors, journalists and other creepy people hanging about in the corridors, whispering into the ears of the elected politicians and promising this and that if they vote for or against this bill or that bill.This is a totally crazy system and it's happening world wide. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------The Tax PurseThe tax purse is an endless pit of money and most governments if not all use it as there personal pots of gold.NO ONE who wants to be a politician should be allowed to be one. After the revolution (which starts at midnight) the people from each county / state / providence will have to pick one person who they think is the best guy for the job. No political parties.No 100's of millions if not billions wasted world wide on elections. Abolish the lot of them. And if you think the USA is bad , Europe is twice as bad. Each country has two governments , a national one and a European one. Twice as many politicians.It's know as "getting aboard the gravy train" getting elected to the European parliament .Basic salary Euro 140.000, expenses unlimited, traveling expenses unlimited. What a job. Do nothing , attend a few voting sessions (Not compulsory) and if you do nothing for the entire 4 years , chances are you will be re-elected again because the political parties from each country decide who "the people" send over to Europe, More jobs for the boys.It's a real sick joke on all 460 million citizens of the European union unless of course your already aboard the gravy train.Do you know that the entire parliament moves twice a year. yes the entire parliament gets up, packs there bags and move the entire operation down the road just 200 miles away. This costs hundreds of millions a year Our Money. When they set this great idea up back thirty years ago they could not even agree which country was going to get the parliament so they split it between Brussels (Belgium), Luxembourg and Strasbourg (France).3 different countries.Luxembourg is home to the administrative offices (the ‘General Secretariat’). Meetings of the whole Parliament, known as ‘plenary sessions’, take place in Strasbourg and sometimes in Brussels. Committee meetings are also held in Brussels. Plenary sessions are normally held in Strasbourg (one week per month) and sometimes in Brussels (two days only). At these sessions, Parliament examines proposed legislation and votes on amendments before coming to a decision on the text as a wholeHa Ha Ha,------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Expect the office door to be kicked in any minute any a couple of CIA guys to grab me and fly me off to Poland or somewhere else in eastern Europe.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Great to get that off my chest or as they say in spy language emfd;EKroirvvF554424yyhdjkurt35634fffmmfffuytrewasddfvbnm,./';[p-0998876564w2aasxxcvbbOver and out Robbie Retard most depressed retard in the west.

Today is the 27th of January, where did the other 26 days go. I really truly believe someone has given the earth a few extra spins and we have skipped several days if not weeks of this month.

It's not possible it's 27 days since I eat myself sick with xmas shit.

I am very depressed today. By accident I got a look of myself in the mirror last night for the 1st time in several months if not years, this old man was staring back at me , all wrinkled, lined and very flabby. It took a while to realise that it was me. Isn't time a terrible thing, It should be banned.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am thinking of suing Jane Goodall for ( Harvest for Hope) making me more depressed than I have ever been before.

If you want to read a book which is life changing please beg, borrow or be really good and buy a copy from her site.

My sister read it first and cried several times and now it's my turn, I am on page 123 and already I am mad as hell.

I have done some crying also and am now depressed as like never before. It's 2 weeks since any one of us shopped in a supermarket (except for the ducks daily bread) and now I cannot buy anything which is not organic. Real organic. Not Mickey mouse organic. There is a difference.

Luckey for us we have a few great organic stores near by.
In 5 years I have never been inside any of them and now between us we are spending several 100 euro a week.

No more supermarkets for us. -- Change your life and read this book. It's not difficult to change a little more expensive maybe but as she points out we all eat too much and leave large amounts on our plates, well most of us. Except real fat bastards.

So eat less but buy better. A lot of what goes on your plate is actually bad for you. Do you know where the contents of what your eating has actually come from?

I remember less than 20 years ago we actually knew where are food came from. The dairy a few miles up the road delivered our milk, eggs, butter, cream DAILY. Fresher you could not get. And I am talking several 100 thousand people, not a little town. So fresh that if you did not get up early the birds would fly down and peck the foil tops of the bottles and drink the cream off the top.

Milk you buy now a days does not have cream, actually it's not even milk. Only the colour tells you it's milk.
Our milk is so fucked around with by the time you actually drink it I do not think there is much goodness left in it.

Recently just ofter switching to organic we happened to RUN OUT OF EGGS so we borrowed a few BAD EGGS from Brendan.
No more supermarkets for us. -- Change your life and read this book. It's not difficult to change a little more expensivemaybe but as she points out we all eat too much and leave large amounts on our plates, well most of us. Except real fat bastards.

Only after tasting them did we realise the difference in the taste. It's totally different. Organic , you can't beat the rel thing.

We tested one of them which Brendan had bought in the supermarket for freshness (fill pot/sausepan and put egg in , if the egg is fresh it will sink. If it stands up in the water it's old/stale/ A BAD EGG. It stood right up. The packet said they still had 3 weeks of shelf life but they were already gone off.

Here is something I found about eggs and how to test for freshness

Can you eat that egg?
By Scott Matthews
If not sure you ought-ter, then place it in water.
If it lies on its side, then it's fresh; eat with pride.
After three or four days, at an angle it lays.
But, it still is a treat, so go on and eat.
Ten days, stands on end, in your baking 'twill blend. 'Cause it's definitely edible, in your baking, incredible.
But, if it floats on the surface, that egg serves no purpose. 'Cause a floater's a stinker!
Out the back door best fling 'er!

Better to eat real good food than the shit most of us put inside our bodies and I mean it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weather Report
1.53pm
It's fucking freezing here, and has just started to snow.
Office is empty of bodies so I am running to roll a quick joint, see it's in a few minutes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2.16PM
Back again.
Snow has stopped but it's on the way again soon - BIG time.


It's freezing.


Off to feed the ducks, back soon (does he do any work I hear you ask) I'll answer that one later. Much later.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2.47PM
Around 50 ducks, 1 swan and a load of pigeons all full of brown bread and all happy when I left.

I think they are getting to know me as they all swam up to greet me when they saw me coming.

Do not think anyone fed them today as it's so cold just standing feeding them frost bite could set in quite quickly.

Four large sliced pans a day I buy for the daily duck feeding.
It was costing me Euro 1.45 per pan until I was informed about the cheaper one , sorry ducks . They still eat it up like crazy all the same.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Office News.

Giuseppe is busy building chairs for the new computers (PC's) we are adding to Amsterdam Loft, Amsterdam Den & Amsterdam High , well when I say building I mean putting together but without reading the instructions.

He usually hands you a bad of "Theses are left over bits" after each putting together job he takes on.

Yesterday he went out and bought 4 unusual desks for them (Not Ikea). They look good, as luck would have it they came in one piece and not make up jobs.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRAVELS
I am off to Ireland on Tuesday so I will be AWOL until Thursday , Cannot blog as where I am going there is only a dial up connection and it takes forever. Back to the bog boy. (Irish saying)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Going political for a few minutes. No yawning just read on and take it all it. It effects you as well.
Got tax bills yesterday for Euro 16.000 . Feel like doing a Timothy McVeigh on their offices.
Sick of this tax thing. It's a crazy but a very clever thing.the way the system is designed, world wide to keep the little guy down and poorish, " Just let them enough to keep them working so we can take over 50% of everything they earn".

World Wide elected governments waste our money on stupid "pet" projects thought up by governments ministers or on behalf of big business and mostly against the wishes of the people.

Can you imagine we elect theses guys to do what they want with our money.

" Government by the people for the people" . Remember theses words? Well what the hell has happened. ?

Most if not all governments are run by the government for the government (themselves and there friends (big business).
Every government is at it, private jets, state banquets, state trips, you scratch my back and I'll scratch your's.

Billions of our $$$$ is wasted every year on this sort of thing.

Why can they not just book a resturant like everyone else or a normal seat on a plane oe even two if the want a bit of privacy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Reducing government
Most governments are far too large. Governments world wide should only have 1 person from each county / state / province and these + 1 leader meet to discuss what the people want and how to divide up the budget and best serve the people.

Instead we have at present a world wide system in each country where we have 100's of mp's / td's / senators / lords / mep's + millions of civil servants (who actually do the jobs we elect the mp's / senators to do) and millions of others, lobbyiests, spokes people, spin doctors, journilists and other creepy people hanging about in the corridors, whispering into the ears of the elected politicians and promising this and that if they vote for or against this bill or that bill.

This is a totally crazy syatem and it's happening world wide.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Tax Purse

The tax purse is an endless pit of money and most governments if not all use it as there personal pots of gold.

NO ONE who wants to be a politician should be allowed to be one. After the reveloution (which starts at midnight) the people from each county / state / providence will have to pick one person who they think is the best guy for the job.

No political parties.

No 100's of millions if not billions wasted world wide on elections. Abolish the lot of them.

And if you think the USA is bad , Europe is twice as bad.

Each country has two governments , a national one and a European one. Twice as many politicians.
It's know as "getting aboard the gravy train" getting elected to the European parliament .
Basic salary Euro 140.000, expenses unlimited, travelling expenses unlimited. What a job. Do nothing , attend a few voting sessions (Not compulsory) and if you do nothing for the entire 4 years , chances are you will be re-elected again because the political parties from each country decide who "the people" send over to Europe, More jobs for the boys.

It's a real sick joke on all 460 million citizens of the European union unless of course your already aboard thr gravy train.

Do you know that the entire parliament moves twice a year. yes the entire parliment gets up, packs there bags and move the entire operation down the road just 200 miles away.
This costs hundreds of millions a year Our Money.

When they set this great idea up back thirty years ago they could not even agree which country was going to get the parliment so they split it between Brussels (Belgium), Luxembourg and Strasbourg (France).

3 different countries.Luxembourg is home to the administrative offices (the ‘General Secretariat’). Meetings of the whole Parliament, known as ‘plenary sessions’, take place in Strasbourg and sometimes in Brussels. Committee meetings are also held in Brussels.

Plenary sessions are normally held in Strasbourg (one week per month) and sometimes in Brussels (two days only). At these sessions, Parliament examines proposed legislation and votes on amendments before coming to a decision on the text as a whole

Ha Ha Ha,

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Expect the office door to be kicked in any minute any a couple of CIA guys to grab me and fly me off to Poland or somewhere else in eastern Europe.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Great to get that off my chest or as they say in spy langauge emfd;EKroirvvF554424yyhdjkurt35634fffmmfffuytrewasddfvbnm,./';[p-0998876564w2aasxxcvbb

Over and out

Robbie retard

The most depressed retard in the west.

Tuesdays office is quite as a mouse

More industrial trouble in Greenland today and last night.

I am never out of trouble and all I want is a quite life.

____________________________________________
Freezing in Amsterdam today. Really freezing.
Like living in a fridge outside.

I have started buying 4 large loafs of bread daily to feed the ducks outside our office, only 6 of them so I feed the pigeons also. I then move on around the corner to where there are about 50 ducks, 1 swan and 2 water hens.

I am now doing it for over a week and they are getting to know me. I go the same time everyday. Nothing like regularality when it comes to feeding times. I learned this from my weekly visits to the Zoo back when I was a lot younger back in Dublin. Every Saturday or Sunday we would all head for the Zoo. In them days only family members were allowed in on the membership card. 4, 5 or 6 of us would arrive up at the members gate, All Brady's , red heads, black heads, brown heads and all looking totally different. We all had to sign in the members book, all the way up to the zoo I would be questioning them about there new name.

We used to get some real odd looks but they always let us in. They changed the rules now, any 6 people can enter on a card.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Take a look at the following , if your a meat eater they could change your life.
http://www.storewars.org

http://www.themeatrix.com
---------------------------------

It's Robbie , I'm back alive again I think.

Greetings Everyone ,

Not sure where I am, who I am with, where I am going or even how to get there. I forgot my watch so I do not know the time, I forgot my wallet so I have no money and I have just lost my life long crime free record.

I stole a bag of currant buns from the BIG mall / market. Just my way of helping the little guy.

Yes it's me Robbie.

I am back

Sorry I'm gone again.

Spent the day doing very little.

watched 3 hours of Democracy Now.org TV .http://www.democracynow.org/ Mother ship's boyfriend (Frank The Yank) send it to her. The truth in the news. Amazing the shit we let them get away with.

I am going to watch 4 hours tomorrow, 5 hours on Monday, 6 hours on Tuesday so by the end of the month I will be a TV addict, well I have tried all the other addictions, drugs, drink, smoking, gambling so I'll try TV for a while and at the same time keep up to date with the latest scandals Uncle Bush is carrying out on the rest of us fools.

The revolution starts at midnight - pass the word.

Robbie

Help I am moving - mountains, blogs, address, city, country and anything else I can think of.

January 11th 2006.

Good day readers . Jesus what a night, what a day. Hell is still a poppin but mostly in my head.

I escaped in one piece and have not gone back yet.

I have nothing left but my good lucks .








What the future holds no one can tell.

I am using this blog as a stepping stone to regaining my position at Amsterdam Escape.

If enough of my counterfiet "Bring Robbie back" e-mails get returned I am sure to get reinstated but one can never tell.

I am busy at present moving blog from where it was to where it's going to be. I can say no more at this time as walls have ears not to mention wire taps, mail reading for key words etc.

keep you posted

Robbie

Ps-- Hope to have normal blogging up and running this weekend.

The day after the day before

Good day to you all.

Sorry I have not written in 8 days. It's been crazy. After the coup in the office on the 10th January 2006. I find myself jobless, homeless, Godless, moneyless, lifeless and no eggs either.

Yes I am managing to keep me head above water. I am staying in a small hut owned by a friend of a friend of a cousin of my next door neighbour . It's full of junk and just room enough to squeeze a mattress in and myself.

I am not alone I have a large spider keeping me company, I have called

him Erik. Since reading Jane Goodall - Harvest for Hope, I cannot even hurt a spider never mind a fly. I love em all. I really think the time has come to escape this escape business and go and help animals where else away from this

Hell's a poppin

Greetings Readers ,
I am blogging LIVE and UNEDITED today from my emergency fall out shelter here in the office.
All hell has broken out here, BB, Giuseppe and Emmett are all gone crazy, 1 has totally flipped, 1 is totally silent and the other one was last reported to be locked into the Snug apartment with the key in the lock and a 'No one at home" sign pinned to the door.
At this point I cannot make out which is which as I only have a tiny angle of vision from my emergency bunker.
But with cannon fire almost non stop I dare not venture out yet. I am relying on reports from Mother ship and Gerry
It all started after one of them read recent entries in this very blog. Yes I kid you not, This BLOG is responsible for office war 3. The person in question went totally ballistic and took his base ball bat out and used in on Emmett's new computer but in his crazy rage mixed computers up and smashed BB's instead, He blamed Emmett for the blog entries for some unknown reason only known by himself.
This and the X factor drove BB into a deep depression and was silent all day and irate and snappy on the phone. No one dare ask him anything, all questions were passed to Gerry on white post it notes (Him being Neutral) He then sneaks them on to BB's desk when he was visiting the little boy's room which luckily for us he does quite often. With at least 20 questions asked of him daily , Gerry has been quite busy.
"He's fine with me" Gerry the brother shouted out from behind one of the barricades while waiting for BB to take break so he can place a few more questions on his desk. Gerry has been the go-between all day reporting back to mother ship (Dee) on what the 3 were up too (triple agent, and looks the right shape for it too).
Giuseppe has entered the Blog and started answering the remarks made about him over the recent days.
BB is refusing calls from VIPs (ie- Girl friend)
Emmett still A.W.L.
6pm ---- LATEST UPDATE
Gerry has reported that one of the 3 intends to pack his bags and bail out. " This is no life" where some of the words reported. Others where " Duck" and " I want my money"
BB has left the office.
Giuseppe is still ranting and raving about this and that.
8.30pm
Emmett has entered the office with a white blanket draped over himself and has his gym bag with him.
He grabs his bag of drugs and dashes out the door. Last seen heading back towards the snug.
10.30
All quite on the office front.
No noise, I'll venture out and inspect the damage, have my hot choc and report back.
Back soon with report
12.21am
I am back from my hot chocolate break with the latest. Giuseppe has now done a 360 on us and is now high as a kite , on top of the wave and being as good as bronze, but approaching silver and may hit gold by morning. Keep you posted.
No sign of BB or Emmett and I have hunted high and low but not a sign of them. Not under desks or over ground. Not a sighting of them all evening.
Office looks worse for wear, 1 x broken computer, 2 x crushed lava lamps, 3 x white flags made from Dee's best sheets lying over two home made barricades made from a filing cabinet and a Chinese dressing screen (imported from China in 1987 by Dee on a visit there) 4 x cracked bulbs and a half dozen or so eggs smashed and covering Giuseppe's computer and the heater behind which are half scrambled from the heat and looked quite tasty ( We made NO eggs this morning - more industrial trouble in Greenland I guess so I am starving). I was just about to tuck in to them when I noticed the eggs were on the march, a moxey load of little ants were carrying it off to their hideout. Fuck there goes dinner I thought to myself so I let them have it. I opened up on them with all my might.and crushed them and the eggs to a pulp.
Being as hungry as a mule I ate the pulp up and licked my lips, not bad, not bad at all.
Well that's all I can report but do report back for more - Remembering tomorrow is another day.
Sleep tight
Robbie Re

A bad start to New Year

Well hello sports fans and welcome to another day of sun and fun. The sun is shining outside but it's freezing cold and I am afraid fun has yet to show his head so all we have is moan, and sadness has just arrived in exactly the same time as last year.
Looks like 2006 will be just as good as 2005 was but they say you should never judge the future by the past, but I always do.
We have just had a phone call from our neighbour complaining about the noise coming from the new water pump we installed over New Year. Says it keeps him awake at night and wakes him up in the morning.
11.42 Am - The mood in the office is deadly, not a sound, no music playing (always a bad sign). happiness nonexistent. I think BB is about to snap and go crazy, bets are on by 1pm he has left the building.
I'll be back.
5pm,
Well I lost, BB still at the helm but very quite indeed.
Sparks could fly any minute.
Spend most of the day doing bits and bobs, odds and sods and the night working on Barcelona Site.
Not sure where the rest of the evening went too. I never got to go to the gym.
Last time I checked the clock it was 8pm and now it's past the witching hour and my bed time.
Really need some sleep.
Well my fine feathered friends I must go
Hope the mood is better tomorrow
Over and Out
Robbie Re
The most depressed retard in the west
-------------
We received a nosense mail today from Delhi, all about making pancakes or some other crap so we deleted it so we will not be going over to Delhi today.
Sorry Dave but we do have to keep standards up.
--------------
Something a bit funny anyone?
Unusual Interviews
We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants.
The lowlights:
Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent.
Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
Brought her large dog to the interview.
Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles.
Candidate kept giggling through serious interview.
She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.
Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.
Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle.
Asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.
Announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during the middle of the interview.
Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial vice president.
Said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.
Wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police.
When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.
Had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him.
Bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet.
Took a brush out of my purse, brushed his hair and left.
Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.
Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure that the offer was formal.
Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much.
While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.
During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.
A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Whiconducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more. "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.
An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus.
His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.
He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require indoor parking for the moped.
He took off his right shoe and sock, removed a medicated foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a day, and this was the time.
Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.
He whistled when the interviewer was talking.
Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.
She threw-up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened.
Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.
Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview.
Hope you got the odd chuckle, I did,
Later Dudes
Robbie Retard

Depressed state of mind

Well if I make u depressive I will take my way but not after 3 years to stay in this fuck dump office . If u like see me out u must go a head. Than I will _Giuseppe
Well here we go again. 7 days in and my 1st depressed day has arrived, It started last night. After waiting over 1 hour in the freezing central station for Giuseppe to arrive back after his Christmas break back home. " Will you meet me at the airport" he asked. " What, I will in me bollox" I replied
" Me go all the way out there" I added.
That's very nice from u.

He sounded unset no one was going to meet him, but I did not give in. How I find myself in theses silly waiting games I'll never know.
Meeting people at airports, people who live in the same house as yourself (Giuseppe) who have only been away for a few days and who know where they live without any help from me or big brothers who visit each year and know how to find there way, Why oh why do I get the job of collecting theses people every time.
Thanks a lot !! I'm such person
Well as I arrived at central station to go to airport once again, Giuseppe phones me to say he has already arrived.
So after a few minutes of an annoying phone conversation I finally understand that I will meet him at central station instead of airport.
1 hour later and after reading the Guardian newspaper and consuming 1 apple flap, a coffee and a croissant I am still standing waiting.
Finally he phones, "Where are you I am waiting at the trams" he informs me. The anger rises in me and my blood pressure hits the roof of my head and I must have a killer look on my face as people are startled by me as they pass by. I start walking around to the other side of central station.
Where was the point to be angry like that -Giuseppe
I am totally freezing and I think I have just caught a cold ,flu or something worse but it's not all bad, I think I have just set a new personal record, I have gone for over 1 hour 12 minutes without rolling a joint, Not bad going.
As I round the corner towards the other entrance to Central station I see him and the same second he spots me.
I am freezing and want to get the metro but as usual he wins and we walk.
I feel myself getting more and more depressed and the anger and hate are growing inside of me at an alarming rate.
We arrive in office and the usual greetings are carried out, coffee is made and we then go back to our normal routine.
Giuseppe goes home and I stay in office for a few hours more dreaming of ways to rid myself of the nightmare.
I will not dream not more but I will have my 3 years back I promise. Go to your account or police and fire me.
List I don't ..................well We know

Night Night all, pray I wake up in a better mood.
Robbie Re
The most depressed Retard in the west.

Something I dug up for the writers among us.
Creative wording
BEING CREATIVE WITH TROUBLESOME KIN
You are working on your family genealogy and for sake of example, let's say that your great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.
A cousin has supplied you with the only known photograph of Remus, showing him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture are the words:
"Remus Starr: Horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison, 1885. Escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged, 1889."
Pretty grim situation, right? But let's revise things a bit. We simply crop the picture, scan in an enlarged image and edit it with image processing software so that all that is seen is a head shot.
Next, we rewrite the text:
"Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad.
Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

----------------------------------------

Hello again, just shows how the a few words can change everything.

Something else you won't like is below

Spelling checker
Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer

It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
-- Sauce unknown

Night Night sleep tight -- Robbie

Giuseppe arrives back

Woke up very late and got up even later. around 1pm.
Not remembering I had so much to do today before the arrival of his majesty Urso at 5.30pm.
Got dressed and headed towards the office.
I have 4 hours to turn the mess into an working office.
I got stuck in and amazing as it sounds the place looked 112% better than it did 4 hours previously.
4.59 PM
I go to meet Giuseppe but his plane arrives 35 minutes early, some why to run an airline, planes are supposed to be late not early.
Finally met him in Central station (see Sunday 8th for full story) and helped carry his bags.
I spend the rest of the night in the office alone.
Giuseppe headed home as he was tired.
All in all a very boring day indeed.
A few jokes or something a bit witty or even slightly amusing is required I think to liven up this rather dull boring Saturday blog.
Let's see what I can dig up...
The English language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
8.58pm ---Well not bad for starters, but I'll go a dig a little deeper, back soon.
9.12PM
Found this after much searching. Not great but It will fill in a few minutes for you while I find better.
Amazing Anagrams
Dormitory == Dirty Room
Desperation == A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code == Here Come Dots
Slot Machines == Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity == Is No Amity
Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness == Genuine Class
Semolina == Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point == I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one
Contradiction == Accord not in it
This one's amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Becomes:
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.
And the grand finale:
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." -- Neil A. Armstrong
becomes:
A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!
Well I am back again with this.
Europe English
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!
Well me go now, no more room on the page, see you tomorrow

Help! I need a brain transplant

Well dear readers it's Friday today and I am feeling like I need a brain transplant urgently either that or I need a length of rope.
I should not be writing this tonight as it's not Friday at all, it's Sunday and I am depressed. If only I had of written this on Friday when I was supposed too then all would be Ok. But I didn't so between Friday and now 9.53PM Sunday I have gone from the top of the wave right to the bottom , I am heading on a downward slope, the highs and lows, the ups and downs and all that.
Friday is so long ago I cannot remember what happened, what didn't happen, where I was and where I wasn't. All I do remember is cleaning the office, packing away stuff so it will not be thrown in the bin.
Nothing major must have happened or I am sure I would have remembered but maybe not.
I think it looks like we will have to fill in with a few jokes and shit or another idea I had was to increase the size of the print in future so I will have less to type. Clever ain't I.
Well what does 2006 hold for us. I tell you all about it in 358 days time, stayed tuned.
Robbie Retard
--------------------------------------------
I got a few laughs from below, hope you do too.
Disorder in the Court
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practising law.

A mixed sort of day

Well it's been one of those days, You know the type, the sort of day when you get very little done and take all day to do it. The sort of day you can't put your finger on what you did and if someone asked you " What did you do today" .You would have a hard job telling them.
I put it down to lack of eggs, withdrawal , going cold turkey,
We had no eggs today so I did not go for the crossies and saved Euro 3.40 which went straight into my piggy bank. My liposuction fund.
------------------------------
A colder day today but not too cold.
Desperately sorting out the office before Giuseppe arrives back as he just throws everything out to the bin. There is all sorts packed in all sorts of places. After finishing coke apartment we just fucked everything into boxes and bags and ferried it back to the office for sorting.
-------------------------------
On cleaning duty again today., Amsterdam Grass and a few others.
--------------------------------
spend the rest of the evening sorting out the office before this majesty arrives back from Italy.
Not much happened today so I am nothing to say so I will say nothing more.
1am .
Sitting in office with Brendan. He has been phoning off the clan back home in Sydney. He is getting excited about his trip home. We will hear of little else between now and March 5th.
Well I am off home now as I am tired and I again need some beauty sleep.
Onwards and upwards my dear readers and I hope you all tune in again soon.
Robbie Re
The fattest retard in the west.

Well well well fancy seeing you here, just shows the power of word of mouth. My readership is growing. I can see my name in lights way way way in the distance or is it an on coming car.
My eye sight is not the may west.
I have had 2 operations to correct the sight each time a success but as with everything it does not last , must be time for number 3. I was told the 1st time it was a once in a lifetime operation , last for ever . Within 4 years I was back again and they tried the latest version of the operation on me. They were a bit nervous about doing it again I must say but the main man (Mr Fintan Lavery) took charge of me personally.
I guess I need a return visit to him and the latest version again.
Also need a face lift and a nose operation my pelvis realigned and a few other minor adjustments. Nothing to worry your pretty little heads about, I'm not going to suddenly stop blogging, why non even after my last triple by-pass did I stop blogging. I was blogging within 4 hours of the operation. I'm a blogger born and bred.
------------
Got up at the usual time - 9am.with the usual cheerful call from my skin and blister, "Good morning" . little bruv.
Got the crossies and made the eggs. Dee says" I think I am sick of eggs"
(copy cat). So we are both sick of eggs. No more eggs. What will we eat for breakfast?. Pause ...... Pause....... Eggs?
We have put off this decision until we vomit (sorry).
It's costing me over Euro 22.00 a week for crossies. Euro 88 a month so I will be richer if we give up the eggs. I think I will vomit real soon.
I got a new reader today , one of our guests told Brendan on check in that she reads the blog daily, Welcome new reader I know who you are and I'll be around to your house to welcome you personally and I don't mean the one your renting in Amsterdam.
------------
Today I rejoined the cleaning crew as it is busy busy busy. During the cleaning I happened to see myself in a mirror , Help I am faT (with a capital T). I think their back I said to myself. (readers will remember that I have been having problems with people living inside of me, I seem to be a magnet for them. As soon as I get rid of one or two of them another two or three take their place.
I am an odd shape. A cross between a barrel and pig.
I read an advertisement saying "Look like a pig"? Well join us and become something else , So I started attending classes. It went something like this
My first lesson the guy started by saying " First things second we'll all start by drawing a pig and find out what your drawing of a pig says about you and your personality" (Sounds suspect I thought to myself) I am here to loose weight and look like someone else. He made us all Draw a pig
(839,285 other idiots have) (Warning Warning go here only if you like pigs and other low life's)
---------------------------
Today in Amsterdam was also a nice day, sun in the sky and everyone happy. Giuseppe rang to inform us he is coming back on Saturday (God help us) There are several daggers drawn already and others are currently searching for their's or out shopping for replacements.
----------------------------
Gerry seems to have been up to his usual tricks , Brendan is complaining about his computer going slow. Every year Brendan says "Keep that fucker of my computer" and every year Brendan's computer goes slow or worse.
One year we lost an 6 months mails.
Fingers crossed/ touch wood and anything else you can think of.
1.02Am update-- defrag in progress
----------------------------
We have received several complaints from readers about my bad use of English. What to do want, Chinese.
Main complaints are my use of to, two & too and their, there and they're
They wanted to eat their victim but they're too late by two o'clock.
I will write this 99 times more and I hope this shuts most of you up for a while. I promise to do better.
Well that's all for tonight, I am already 8 minutes late for my late night cup of hot choc. (11.38pm)
Onwards and upwards
See you around soon fruitcakes. As they say in Lapland " Burrrrrrr it's f...... freezing.
LIVE UPDATE 1.05am
I am getting fatter by the minute, I think an entire family have just moved in.
Doctor, doctor
Rob

A quite day in Amsterdam

Well hello there all my dearest readers (all 3 of you) , yes you're one of them.
Got up at the usual time of 9am my alarm clock (Sister) on time as usual.
A very nice day in Amsterdam, Cold but sunny and no wind. The canal is nearly totally frozen over but not thick enough to start skating unless your a duck.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Got the croissants (Up 50 cents ) now Euro 85 and made the eggs, I Must confess I am getting a bit sick of the old scrambled eggs every day since 1987. But with nothings else to eat for breakfast I will have to continue eating them. 21 eggs a week and 14 croissants.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Busy day on the cleaning front, 11 cleaning jobs this week so I am joining the crew this week.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Had a great guest down with us today, Her name is Claire (Not her real name just in case) and she is slightly crazy (like meself). We have a great laugh, She was telling me all about how she joined the army reserve, She was in her local mall (shopping centre) and was walking past the recruitment office and on the spur of the moment joined up. Next thing she knows is she is over in Iraq. How the hell I ended up
She was telling me all about how crazy it was over there.
Things like Halley Burton employee's sitting about in an airconditioned trailer while they employ a load of lower life forms to do there job.
After a days work the terrorists / freedom fighters throw anything they can get there hands on over the walls, hand grenades, mortars etc, some explode some don't. But usually the days work is blown up so the next day the lower forms arrive for work and start to rebuilt the things which were blown up during the night and this goes on and an over and over day after day, month after month.
She says the Halley Burton people are on 5 times the salary of any solider, She was on $3000 a month but Halley Burtons are on $15.000.
She thought many times about claiming to be insane or gay or shoot her toe off just to escape but she says it's best just to keep your head down (in all ways) and get on with it because if you get dishonorably discharged it will effect your entire life,
She got enrolled for 8 years. Anytime during the 8 years you can be recalled to serve. She is now doing medicine hoping to become a doctor but at anytime she might have to give up the studies and head off to help in the latest American government (regime) change.
At least she is seeing a bit of the world I guess.
-------------------------------------------------------------
5th January - just noticed I never finished this page.
Sorry, I ain't doing it now so there.
Move on to tomorrow and I'll see you there.
Robbie Re
The stoniest Retard in the west

A lovely day in Amsterdam

Woke at 9am , got the crossies and made the eggs.
Did not feel like eggs today but I ate most of them anyway.
Sun is shining, not to cold so a very nice day in deed.
Cafe's have seats out and most are full.
Helped the cleaning crew today and then went out to replace the office computer screens and other bits.
Started sorting through the pile of boxes which came back to the office after finishing the new apartments. I have to get it all sorted by Saturday as when Giuseppe returns he will dump eveything in the bin.
As usual all day today every Chinese business in the area is blessed by a huge dragon and the letting off of some of the loudest fire works you will ever hear, Each one like an explosion and just think we are surrounded by Chineses businesses. THis year they seem to have added all the businesses which supply the Chineses commumity here. Our next door neighbour (fish shop) was blessed a few minutes ago. He is most popular with the Chinese as they love fish.
The clean up operation after New year was almost complete, a few rocket and the odd bottle still lying about but after the Chinese today it's covered in red paper after the firworks.
10.30
Still lovely outside, no wind and not cold. Long may it last.
Taking a early night tonight as I really need a bit of sleep.
So this is where our trails part.
You go your way and I'll go mine but in the mean time while your still here I'll show you my New Years Resolutions
1. Stop smoking drugs before 6pm.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time & Euro 60 a month
3. Read less. Makes me think too much.
4. Watch more TV. I'm missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
6. Stop doing lunch and save Euro 11.00 a day.
7. Get in a whole NEW rut!
8. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
9. Don't eat cloned meat.
10. Create loose ends.
11. Get rid of all toys.
12. Get a bike
13. Don't believe what you read.
14. Break at least one traffic law.
15. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
16. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
17. Associate with even worse lwer forms.
18. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.
19. Wait around for opportunity.
20. Focus on the faults of others.
21. Mope about faults.
22. Never make New Year's resolutions again
Over and Out
Robbie

Only 364 days to go

Well Hello there my dearest readers and welcome to another sodden year. I do hope it is kinder to us than it's brother 2005 was who has just passed on.
2005 makes 1985 seem like 1990. Three of the worst years of my life, if you count 2001,2002, 2003 & 2004 you'll get the 7 worst years of my life.
Maybe 2006 will have happier memories for us this time next year.
But I would not like to bet on it.
-----------------------------
I am now entering my 2nd year of blogging (well day 67) but over a 2 year period 05/06. I am well and truly a blogger now.
------------------------------
Woke up rather late today. 12.00 noon.
No hangover as I do not drink, No drug over doses, as I am retired from them, no late night partying as I do not party, no all night sing along's, for I do not sing. Infact I do very little and I understand even less.
This could be put down to smoking 20 joints a day,
I would personally not put it down to it but there are many who would.
Bu sometimes I do fear the worst.
I would not say I am lazy,
I would not say I am totally crazy but I am getting there.
You do loose your "Get up and Go" sometimes and it is true your short term memory also goes.
But you have to expect theses things.
The world is so annoying anyway best not remember too much about it.
-----------------------------
New Years Resolutions
Some years I do a list of New Years resolutions but not this year, last year I quit smoking drugs for about 2 hours, a record for me which I still hold. I was going to try beat it this year but quickly changed my mind or what's left of it.
Maybe by the time it's totally melted you will be able to buy new ones on the black market. Wink wink , nod nod, say no more, say no more.
and By 2050- Dial a Brain.
------------------------------
We have planned an outing today to celebrate the New year.
We are all off to the movies , IN Her Shoes.
Dee, Caroline, Me Gerry & BB. 9.30 show.
---------------------------------
Ordered a pizza for dinner and also one for big boy Gerry.
---------------------------------
Got my weighting scales out tonight electronic. 1st time in 5 years.
I weighted 12 stone .11 lbs or 80kg- sweet Jesus I am fat.
Dee also weighted herself and was quite shocked as for Gerry why he is only 3.5 stone more than I am. I am in deep shit.
----------------------------------
In Her Shoes
Went to the movies. Brendan and Caroline never showed up so there was just the 3 of us. I think BB must have seen a review somewhere and said nothing. What a load of Rubbish. 1/5 .
Came home and looked for reviews of the movie
1st review says
In Her Shoes Review ::10.02.05::
Posted by: Liam Source: Empire Movies http://www.empiremovies.com
...there's not really a lot not to like about this movie...
All the reviews say how wonderful it is, just shows you how much of a retard I am. It's me against everyone.
-----------------------------------
Well that's it 1st one gone already only 364 to go.
See you all tomorrow
Robbie Retard
2006

Mad now Bad with less than 24 hours to go

Well hello again.
Thursday , less than 24 hours before the guests arrive in Bad (F.N.A MAD). Bad is at present really living up to it's name. I am busy busy busy getting the finishing touches for it, need a few tables, pillows, cable TV, and a few finishing touches.
well spent most of the day scraping paint off the floors of Mad or Bad . bastard painters, you know the saying "if you pay peanuts you get low lifes". In our case we paid no one, got the local prison to send down a few inmates who are doing hard labour but it diden't work out as they make lousy painters so a lot of paint ended up on the newly laided floor so now I have to scrap it all off. Convicts!.
A word from our sponsors------ We go recorded to Delhi and this report Just in. Dave over to you, what's the latest.
Hi all
Things returning to (dare we say) normal here. Still have a heavy police and army presence but that
just seems to be making people obey traffic laws more. so its ok .....
Somehow though I dont think the recent events will be very good for tourisim in the future .....everyone but the isralies seem to have run away...... maybe we can set up an Iraqi exchange next
Oh well at least there is no bird flu here.......can't say that for europe.....
We are hanging in here and laughing all the way.
The last inquiry we got was a few days ago from a Pakistani.....
We offered him a deal but afterwards he watched the news and said Delhi seemed to unstable right now and he will come in spring instead...crazy.
I'll bet all over the world evangelical christans are walking the street with sign boards proclaming the
coming of the apocolypse maybe we should make some and wear them in a crowded
place for a photo op.....
Missing you all
button up your overcoats
Hare Krishna Hare Ram ........................just a second let me get my tambourine
Remmber folks if you want to sample Delhi 1st hand visit DelhiEscape
Now back to civilisavation
Hi , welcome back.
11.30PM / 23.30
We have finished Amsterdam Bad (F.K.A as Mad). Looking very Amsterdam Normal or Amsterdam Empty. 1st guests arrive 2.30 tomorrow. we will add a few bits tomorrow.
Off to dreamland now
More tomorrow me tired.

It's official. Mad is Bad

Well good day sports fans and welcome to the results of the AmsterdamEscape low table meeting. While the guests were out of one of the apartments (Not saying which one) we all snuck in and had our meeting. Dee kept the minutes which ran into hours and before we knew it the guests were spotted returning by our lookout. So meeting was adjourned but the vote was taken ---
2 against 2.
2 votes for mad and 2 for Bad. When we reach a point like this we usually thrown a coin in the air and decide heads or tails but not one of us had a coin so we drew match sticks and Bad won.
So officially Amsterdam Mad is now Amsterdam Bad with the slogan " Are you bold enough to stay here" After spending the last 2 full days getting it ready, tonight it looked quite well (with eyes closed) and tomorrow should finish either it or me off. 1st guests arrive on Friday. Still have no TV, Mat, Cutlery, cups and bits and bobs so it's a mad bad dash tomorrow.
Found this tee-shirt with a picture of a cow on it and a slogan saying Bad not Mad. Think I'll stick to apartment front door. (from the mad cow disease days)
Todays Words of wisdom from Robbie - Never kiss at the garden gate love is blind but your granny ain't.
Hear from me soon liver lips.
If you want to give me a call anytime between 9am and 9.05 am your welcome to do so . I live down town @ 555 2795, ya it's a down town number WAYYYYY down down. if I don't answer after 5 rings hand up and add a 0 or call 555 2796 it's my Grandma's number she'll take a message.

What ! not another one.

Well who would believe it, Christmas is only 55 days away.
Today we are having the meeting we postsponed from last week. Possible names for Amsterdam Mad are, Amsterdam Sad, Bad and Scary all the others were rejecked.
Meeting timed for the afternoon coffee break.
Fear not I'll keep you all posted on the someout. But please brace yourselves.
More later .
Intermission
We are unable to go live to Delhi today due to industrial trouble.
Intermission
Intermission
back soon
Intermission
back in a few minutes with more.
"Sorry folks Robbie has left the building".

I don't like em

Monday 31 October. 35 years ago this night I would be dressing up about now and head out with my horror head mask on to go around banging on doors. trick or treat / help the Halloween party and get as much fruit and nuts as we could and then go to see the bonfire.
Well very little has changed except nowadays I no longer need the mask.
Monday what a nightmare of a day. Day after Sunday and the one before Tuesday. maybe Moanday would be a better name for it or Recoverday.
Today is officially the last day of the summer, all terrace cafes must by law remove there terraces after today. It's always a bit sad to see them go as the square looses that summer feel about it.
But he laws the law and anyone caught breaking it will be sent to fort smith for trial and punishment........
Just had a knock on office door , on opening I found the girl from Chillout in terror. "There's a man in the house come quick". Me realising it's just Johnny the mannequin who shares the basement I told her not to worry. I went in to house and went to where Johnny hangs out, he's headless and harmless but where he stands in the laundry room he would frighten the life out of most people. Pointless me talking to him. It's one of the only bits of fun we get it when we hear the screams of guests on finding Johnny. Tonight he was wearing a tee-shirt with a picture of John Paul 2 and it read, I love the Pope and the Pope smokes dope.
More later perhaps. perhaps not.

Sunday bloody Sunday

Hi Again, so little to do and so much time to do it.
What an amazing day weather wise.
Off to the beach - see ya later.
- 4pm
I am back , well I never made it really. Got as far as thinking about beaches and decided to watch the movie instead (Bete Midler). Gets me every time.
Well a very quite day altogether.
Robbie
Todays quote - better to rattle than wobble.
over and Out.
p.s -- No Word from Delhi - Power must be down again , poor bastards.

Amsterdam Mad or not Amsterdam mad that is the question

Friday 28th October
Well I have spend all morning down in Amsterdam Mad and as I said yesterday it's as about as Mad as you dear reader (escaped mental patients excluded). I think we will have to have a name rethink/ name change. There is just not the space in mad to go mad. Madness needs space, a thing greatly missed here in Amsterdam. We are going to have a board meeting later today to discuss the name change along with other less important matters like curtains.
I am going off to buy a large board now.
Back later and I will be reporting on the meeting

Friday again

To me the day of the week matters not asall days are the same.

Well another day is over.

Feeling tired tonight like I haven't been asleep in 24 hours or more. maybe something to do with smoking 15 to 20 joints so far to day or the fact I am sitting in front of the computer for last 16 hours.

Amsterdam Mad or not Amsterdam mad that is the question

Well I have spend all morning down in Amsterdam Mad and as I said yesterday it's as about as Mad as you dear reader (escaped mental patients excluded). I think we will have to have a name rethink/ name change. There is just not the space in mad to go mad. Madness needs space, a thing greatly missed here in Amsterdam. We are going to have a board meeting later today to discuss the name change along with other less important matters like curtains.
I am going off to buy a large board now.
Back later. I will be reporting on the meeting so tune in - but first a few words from our sponsors.
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Intermission. Back soon.
Me back down to Mad.

Giuseppe's uncle arrives + Update

Busy, Busy, Busy getting Amsterdam Grass ready as it's D.Day- Giuseppe's uncle arrives 4.30 Schipol.
Got to go and inspect it.
More Soon. need a few joints and a cup of coffee first then the Grass inspection.
Expect me back around 5.30ish but don't hold your breath. A friend of mine did this once and ended up in the morgue.
Over and Out
8.34 How time fly's and how long everything takes to get done.
Well Uncle arrived, very small man (In size) smaller than my mother and she was 4 feet 6 inches. He spoke a little English and managed to say he loved the colour and the different shades used. I must say looking at Amsterdam grass tonight it really looked lovely and this is without any of the grass effect items been added. When finished it will look pretty amazing.
Had another Ikea trip today. I just cant stand the place. I only go alone nowadays as no one will go with me as I get so stressed I start ranting and raving and making a show of anyone with me.
I had to run to Ikea to get a table which you can fit to the wall and which can fold down. Our carpenter man sort of went of strike when at 3pm I asked him to build me a table. He sort of ignored me and asked the others did they want a sandwich. I think he could see i was a bit annoyed as i was banging my head with a stone age man's club.(Plastic) Decor for Amsterdam grass. Anyway it did not work so I dashed of to Ikea for the table.
I did the Ikea trip in less than 2 hours (roundtrip) only got lost twice which is not bad for me. I dropped off the table and our man Ken said he would fit to wall. I arrived back a half hour later and he had fixed the table to the wall. problem was the table was for two high stools (bar stools) but our Ken decided the table was normal table height (even thought the stools were standing next to him). I screamed at him something like "You f...... Retard. Anyway he pissed off upstairs not to be seen again for 30 minutes.
Anyway all's well that ends well.
He moved the table in the end. But after seeing Giuseppe's uncle he need not have bothered. I dought he could climb up on one of the stools and the table would have been the correct height after all.
Lovely day in Amsterdam today, warm and sunny. But I hear rumours the rain again is on the way.
The leaves have started falling from the trees. Bye Bye summer.
Half of Downmarket is starting to look like it's old self again. When it's finished it should look quite well.
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Hi welcome back.
Just going to roll a joint while I wait for the Chillout guests to arrive.
More later.
1am (28Th October)
Chillout guests arrived (4 Irish) repeat Chill out guests so I had an easy check in as they new the place.
Giuseppe arrived back in office with his uncle, both a little drunk from the vino. He brought some nice cake with him and Giuseppe got a present of a bracelet. Which he keeps showing to everyone who comes anyways near him. I seen it three times in a few minutes.
Off to bed. More in a few hours.

A lovely sunny day in Amsterdam

Well we awoke to a lovely sunny day here in Amsterdam. Everyone in good form.
We received a nice mail today from one of our recent quests working in Iraq + a video clip of a sand storm well worth a look. Amazing in fact. Click here to view sand storm

Guest Mail below.
Brendan…….A friend and I stayed at your apartments back in June 05 and had a BLAST!!!!!! I work in Iraq and he flew in from the USA. My name is below and his name is CJ Everson and he is almost married now. Well I will be coming thru AMS alone in Feb 06 and intend to stay at your place again for a few nights. I will give you the confirmed dates on my arrival in a few weeks just wanting to say hi and give you the skinny. Attached is a pic of you and I and a sand storm from Iraq. The sand storm is some wild and biblical stuff.
11.18. More later.
Hi back again.
We are busy today getting Amsterdam Grass and Amsterdam Mad ready. Out all day buying the finishing touches to both.
Our leader Dee is sick and has not been seen alive by anyone today. Posie has been dispatched.
7.30PM
Dee is alive but not kicking. Sick as a dog as they say. The place is not the same without her.
NEWS FLASH-- I have just been told Giuseppe's uncle arrives tomorrow and not friday as I was told. Amsterdsm Grass looks like it's been hit by hurraicane or worse. I just left it a few minutes ago. We have till 5pm tomorrow to get it liveable in. All hands on deck.