Three little pigs go to the Gym
You have all heard of the story of the 3 little pigs well here is the remake. (abridged edition)
Once upon a time there was a gym called Barrys and their was Mothership who attended Barrys 7 days a week / 360 odd days a year. Happily she went nightly at 8.30pm sharp for 5 years.
Meanwhile on the other side of town their was Emmett and Giuseppe who changed Gyms nearly as often as their underwear.
They seem to have problems with every gym they join.
Amsterdam is a small city and there are only around 10 gym gyms. (Real Gyms) . There are a number of places which call themselves gyms but any real gym going person like Mothership would laugh while being shown round most if not all theses, but Giuseppe and Emmett have even joined theses places. But there is always a problem.
In their last gym The Pantanna (name changed to protect the innocent) the owner ended up attacking Emmett. Here is Emmett's version of events.
The place was been renovated , with a lot of competition now the owner was adding a few new bits and bobs. We should never have joined this place as it is a total joke of a gym. Our 1st trouble started even before we joined. After our last gym and the nightmare we had there we decided not to go on a yearly membership but to pay monthly instead.
The owner spoke No english and we spoke even less Dutch anyway after long negositations we managed to explain to the ape man lookalike that we wanted NO YEARLY MEMBERSHIP but to pay monthly. Euro 60 instead of Euro 50. After a bit of nodding on our parts and grunting on his we agreed with this and signed on the dotted line.
No direct debit on out bank accounts but would pay in cash 13th of each month. Only later I realised we were doomed in this gym. (Emmett is very superstitious) . It's only Friday the 13th is bad luck Brendan explained to them but Giuseppe being a doughting Thomas went straight for the internet to check this fact out. I think Brrendan's right again Emmett. Giuseppe said after checking several websites. Well I do not it's anything 13th, 13 eggs in a dozen, 13 drummers drumming, it's all bad luck anything to do with 13. My mother told me.
Well Emmett was right, This gym had very few members. At first we thought the guy was using it as a front for money laundering as we went nightly and were most nights totally on our own, like having your own private gym.
Problem was the owner was in the habit of saving on electricity (as I am) but this was crazy. Nothing was turned on, cold sauna, steam room without the steam and when you went from one floor to the other he turned off the lights.
You had to request the sauna and steam room to be turned on no more than 10 minutes before you were finished working out. I once tried 15 minutes but got such a look I never did it again.
Well to make a short story even shorter. the other day Giuseppe and Emmett went to the gym around 3pm. The owner was varnishing the counter and the fumes where unreal and with no windows and no air-co it was hard to breath. Giuseppe as usual could not breath at all. You cannot spray anything near, around or beside Giuseppe or he goes mad.
Anyway he stuck the fumes for around 30 minutes and then reported he could take no more and left, leaving Emmett alone.
Emmett stayed another half hour and then also decided to leave at around 4.15pm.
Next day Emmett decided to go to the gym on his own as Giuseppe was busy visiting Dog. On entering the gym , the owner was on duty. Emmett handed him his card but the owner was not interested, instead he jumped into a rage and started screaming at him in Dutch and in front of several other gym members, then vanished under the counter for a second and then sprung back up but now with a bright red face and brandishing a fire extinguisher and proceeded to run from behind the counter at the same time ranting and raving while still waving the fire extinguisher and pointing at the same time. Even an empty fire extinguisher is not light but the owner is built like an ape man with the strength of ten men. Emmett was scared and started to back up towards the door now fearing for his life. Eventually the owner managed to make himself understood. He was accusing Emmett of setting off the extinguisher in the mens dressing room the day before.
Emmett not a man to do anything silly like that got very angry but explained in a clear quite voice that "Not in a million years" . He then accused Giuseppe of setting it off. But it was set off after 5pm yesterday and as Giuseppe had left at 4pm he was also not guilty. Emmett then informed the owner he would be hearing from his lawyer , The ape man on hearing Advocate (Dutch for lawyer) he quickly changed his tone and apolgised as best a Dutch ape man can do.
Emmett left never to return.
Since then several reminders have arrived informed both Emmett & Giuseppe that they were in breach of the Gym terms and conditions and they now owed Euro 180 in arrears. Emmett wrote back and informed them of several reasons why he was not paying and we have heard no more from them.
Once upon a time there was a gym called Barrys and their was Mothership who attended Barrys 7 days a week / 360 odd days a year. Happily she went nightly at 8.30pm sharp for 5 years.
Meanwhile on the other side of town their was Emmett and Giuseppe who changed Gyms nearly as often as their underwear.
They seem to have problems with every gym they join.
Amsterdam is a small city and there are only around 10 gym gyms. (Real Gyms) . There are a number of places which call themselves gyms but any real gym going person like Mothership would laugh while being shown round most if not all theses, but Giuseppe and Emmett have even joined theses places. But there is always a problem.
In their last gym The Pantanna (name changed to protect the innocent) the owner ended up attacking Emmett. Here is Emmett's version of events.
The place was been renovated , with a lot of competition now the owner was adding a few new bits and bobs. We should never have joined this place as it is a total joke of a gym. Our 1st trouble started even before we joined. After our last gym and the nightmare we had there we decided not to go on a yearly membership but to pay monthly instead.
The owner spoke No english and we spoke even less Dutch anyway after long negositations we managed to explain to the ape man lookalike that we wanted NO YEARLY MEMBERSHIP but to pay monthly. Euro 60 instead of Euro 50. After a bit of nodding on our parts and grunting on his we agreed with this and signed on the dotted line.
No direct debit on out bank accounts but would pay in cash 13th of each month. Only later I realised we were doomed in this gym. (Emmett is very superstitious) . It's only Friday the 13th is bad luck Brendan explained to them but Giuseppe being a doughting Thomas went straight for the internet to check this fact out. I think Brrendan's right again Emmett. Giuseppe said after checking several websites. Well I do not it's anything 13th, 13 eggs in a dozen, 13 drummers drumming, it's all bad luck anything to do with 13. My mother told me.
Well Emmett was right, This gym had very few members. At first we thought the guy was using it as a front for money laundering as we went nightly and were most nights totally on our own, like having your own private gym.
Problem was the owner was in the habit of saving on electricity (as I am) but this was crazy. Nothing was turned on, cold sauna, steam room without the steam and when you went from one floor to the other he turned off the lights.
You had to request the sauna and steam room to be turned on no more than 10 minutes before you were finished working out. I once tried 15 minutes but got such a look I never did it again.
Well to make a short story even shorter. the other day Giuseppe and Emmett went to the gym around 3pm. The owner was varnishing the counter and the fumes where unreal and with no windows and no air-co it was hard to breath. Giuseppe as usual could not breath at all. You cannot spray anything near, around or beside Giuseppe or he goes mad.
Anyway he stuck the fumes for around 30 minutes and then reported he could take no more and left, leaving Emmett alone.
Emmett stayed another half hour and then also decided to leave at around 4.15pm.
Next day Emmett decided to go to the gym on his own as Giuseppe was busy visiting Dog. On entering the gym , the owner was on duty. Emmett handed him his card but the owner was not interested, instead he jumped into a rage and started screaming at him in Dutch and in front of several other gym members, then vanished under the counter for a second and then sprung back up but now with a bright red face and brandishing a fire extinguisher and proceeded to run from behind the counter at the same time ranting and raving while still waving the fire extinguisher and pointing at the same time. Even an empty fire extinguisher is not light but the owner is built like an ape man with the strength of ten men. Emmett was scared and started to back up towards the door now fearing for his life. Eventually the owner managed to make himself understood. He was accusing Emmett of setting off the extinguisher in the mens dressing room the day before.
Emmett not a man to do anything silly like that got very angry but explained in a clear quite voice that "Not in a million years" . He then accused Giuseppe of setting it off. But it was set off after 5pm yesterday and as Giuseppe had left at 4pm he was also not guilty. Emmett then informed the owner he would be hearing from his lawyer , The ape man on hearing Advocate (Dutch for lawyer) he quickly changed his tone and apolgised as best a Dutch ape man can do.
Emmett left never to return.
Since then several reminders have arrived informed both Emmett & Giuseppe that they were in breach of the Gym terms and conditions and they now owed Euro 180 in arrears. Emmett wrote back and informed them of several reasons why he was not paying and we have heard no more from them.
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