Counting down the hours till BB departs

Morning all.
Yes it's 6.30 am here in wonderland. I am up early as this is the final day of Brendan. After today he is no more. Gone, departed for 56 days or is it 65 days. Anyway he's left for down under. Sydney to be accurate.

From tomorrow Emmett is in charge. ha, ha, ha.

We are going over live to Emmett's desk for a quick interview.

Question. Now that you are in charge while Brendan is away, what changes do you intend making.?

Emmett. Well to start I have a long list of simple changes to make.
1. For check ins before 6am we make all guests check in themselves or wait till I get up at 9am.

2. I'll use 3 elastic bands around the 3 reservation books to keep the current date open.

Question - How will this help with reservations.?
Emmett- Well it won't but the desk will look better. It's a neatness thing. I hate mess. (ha. ha, ha, hee, hee hee, Several Escape committee members break into laughter on hearing this answer and take out their phones and take pictures of his desk and right away start white mailing him that they will post a picture of his desk on this very blog. I have no time for white mailers, give me a black one every time.

Question.
Can you get up at 6am like Brendan does?.
Emmett. Not a problem, I have just bought a sonic boom alarm clock.

Question.
Will it wake you?
Emmett. Well it says on the box, guaranteed to wake the dead. I intent testing in on my mother tonight.


Question.
Brendan will be away for over 2 months how do you intend to cope with the main man away.
Emmett. I have bought a large calendar and I am going to mark off the days as they happen. Just like prisoners do in the movies with a knife except this will be the real thing and but I'll be using a black felt tip marker.


Emmett ---nO MoRe QuEsTiOnS , nO MoRe QuEsTiOnS.

Sorry folks we have lost Emmett there.

Now for something completely different.

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The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of "Baywatch"
have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise.
After all, both companies have made millions off airheads with
flawless skins, Malibu tans, and synthetic breasts.

If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certain
to follow. Some possibilities:

Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment,
where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessories
include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets and an arrest warrant.

Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders
important tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how to
take care of their nails while shoeing a horse.

America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crime
against feminism.

Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks!
Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is,
Ballerina Barbie's struggle with bulimia, and Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.

My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as regular teens who
don't have huge wardrobes, pools, ponies, and perfect bods.

Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American dream is explored with this doll,
which shows what happened after Barbie graduated from high school, married too
young and ate too much.

Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder stateswoman of the Barbie set (she's 27!)
arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.

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Well I did warn you.

More?

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody

This is a story about four people named everybody, Somebody, Anybody
and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was
sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but
Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was
Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody
realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that everybody
blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

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NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR -

Got a friend who's life needs changing?

A Fat, meat eating friend?

. Well buy a copy of harvest for Hope by Jane Godall and read it. Then pass it on to your friend in need.
It changed my life, my grannies life, my mothers sister on my fathers sides life and the neighbor next doors life.

AND YOU COULD BE NEXT
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wElL DeArEsT Readers. I must go and play with myself now as it's past the witching hour and as you know when you gotta go, you gotta go.

See you later fruit cakes

over and Out

Robbie Retard
Going where no retard has gone before.

MotherShip returns today. Time unknown

Good day readers. Robbie here with all the news that is the news.

The return of Mothership.
We are preparing for the return of Mothership. We have not been issued with a time (keep us on our tippy toes) so we are flat out getting the red carpet cleaned after the paint accident, balloons blown up, huge hand made banner "WELCOME BACK TO THE SWEAT SHOP" Painted in large red block capitals, decoration hanging and everything else looking ship shape.
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Went for the daily crossies and made the eggs. No fights reported but tensions are running high and moods are not the May West but we have our fingers crossed.

More Later

Well it's later now, much later,in fact it's already the 28th so I better stop blogging as it's way past me bed time and boy oh boy do I need my beauty sleep.

Mothership landed in one piece around 9.30pm (USA time) / (21.30 earth time)
100's of well wishers lined the streets to greet her. On entering her apartment she was last seen heading for her stash of class c drugs. Smok'in.

Mothership recounts her away tales to rest of Escape committee. tick tock, tick tock.

and now it's after 1am.

Well readers as you can see this entry is very small. Sorry about this but it's life Jim but not as I know it.

over and Out , until tomorrow

Robbie Retard
The weirdest retard in the west

Sunday, Sunday Sunday, How long , How long must I live this N........

Sunday, yes you guessed right another one.
52 in a year or if your unlucky 53.

Some people love them, some people pray for them, others pray on them a lot shop on them and more and more of us work on them but everyone will agree Sunday is just another day only worse.

I am not a fan of Sunday's at all. In fact I would go as far as saying I hate Sunday's almost as much as I hate Monday's.
Tuesday's do very little for me either as for Wednesday's the only good think about them is their not a Thursday.

The only day I like really is Friday and I have no idea why. It might be something going back to my childhood or my school days. Friday was Jam sandwich days. My favorite. Monday & Thursday was corned beef, Tuesday was Cheese. Wednesday was current bun.

In my present life all the days are the same. I hate them all, the long days, the short days and the in between ones. I think it's time we had a few new one's. We renew, update, change, remake, remaster, remodel, mess with, fuck around with almost everything on earth but in several 1000 years we have never changed the days of the week. Shorten them, make them longer, skip a day, a week, a month, make June July & August 40 days each and shorten them nasty ones like Janurary.

Why is February 28 days? I think it should be 27.

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202pm
More Later, if there is one.

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Well what do you know, There is life after death.
12.07am. it's actually 27th now but I am letting on it's still the 26th.

Today was quite with not much happening at all so I am very little to write about.

Intact I have nothing to say at all except it's mighty cold here in Amsterdam.
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Went to see Brokeback mountain again tonight for the 2nd time in a week. Good movie.

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Smoking is again allowed in the office. Giuseppe is thorn between letting me smoke in the office and the new smoking rooms upstairs. He has removed the smoking signs from the office and toilet but went out and bought a very noisy air purifier and has it going full blast. I think I would rather have the smoking ban than the noise.

I am deaf in one ear and cannot hear in the other and even I think the machine is very loud, DOG help anyone with normal hearing.
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Tomorrow (today 27th) is another day. It's a Monday. Just got a cancellation for a weeks stay starting tomorrow in Chillout . Guest just mailed and said he was robbed in Rome of Euro 2000. Not sure if the prices were just too much for his credit card or he actually lost cash. I know Rome is very expensive.
Bad news all round. Cancellation is one of two words any hotelier dreads the other one I dare not mention - Sorry. It starts with an F
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Well Mothership arrive back tomorrow Monday 27th. We will have the red carpet rolled out ect ect.
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well it's good night from me and it's goodnight from me.

Good night
Robbie Re
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Oh shit I'm still alive, it was all a dream ---- Me & Bobby Ewing

Saturday, what a day, so little to tell and so much time to tell it.

Feb 25th. Saturday

Got up at the usual time and went and on the usual croissants buying trip.
Bakery was packed with riff raff and other lower forms but I managed to brush them all aside and make my way to the counter.

Made the eggs and Coffee. Coffee was 100% perfect. Mothership would be proud of me.
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Giuseppe decided the other day to change his entire life. The list went something like this.

First buy a bike.
Then
1. Get up 7am daily
2.go to gym 8am
3.go swimming twice a week
4.Finish work 5pm daily
5.Buy big screen TV (ceiling mounted version)
6.Take a months holiday in August.

So to start the ball rolling he and Emmett went on a bike buying spree, well two to be truthful. One for Giuseppe and one for Emmett. Non-stolen bikes at euro 75 each from WaterLooplein market. You can buy stolen bikes for euro 15 or less but with bad karma the way it is they decided to be honest and buy stone cold bikes and not hot of the lorry.

2 locks cost us Euro 51.50 each extra
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Evening all or is it still morning. One can never tell when living in a basement like I do. Small is no name for it, tiny is a better one. I have seen convicted low life's living in better conditions than I do. I only have a 14 inch (You filthy minded so & So )TV and with my eye sight the way it is I can not see much.

I had a friend visit recently and I have to move out to make room for him to stay.
yes that small.
The rent is Euro 850 a year but it's way too much for this mouse infested little dump.
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Had to give the cleaning crew a hand today as without Mothership around hell is about to go POP.

Giuseppe as usual takes charge "No No, Charge later after sleep" he tells possible guest on phone. He's from Barcelona or Sicily. Giuseppe not the possible guest. God help us.

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Brendan is marking off the last few days on this huge count-down calendar he bought at the beginning of the year. Only 3 days to go and he's off.

HELP!

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More later or maybe not

Robbie Retard

Life without Mothership

Greetings All

Me here. Just dropped in to give you your daily bread and other info about life, the world sitation, Amsterdam, your mother and other shit to numerous to mention like mood swings and swings in general, rain and the lack of it, noisy cheap shreadding machines and even more.

Amsterdam today was cold but sunny. Looking out the window one one think it was a summers day until you look at the people shivering to death in the cold.
I have just caught my second cold of the winter all because I never wrap up.

Our Brendan is the best wrapper upper I ever did see. First sign of winter and he has his hat, gloves and scraf on. Me on the other hand loose every glove, umbrella, hat and scraf I get my hands on. So I freeze most of the time. I can feel a cold or worse coming on as I type this. Hope it's not cancer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Word reached us that Mothership arrived in one piece and their accommodation was fine. We have had NO direct contact (even thought there is a phone in the room)but this is not ususual infact once mothership leaves town on a mission from DOG or anyone else she forgets everything else and just focuses on the mission ahead.

Warp speed captain.

Full Report as soon as we receive it.
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8.42pm
Sitting in office waiting for a few guests to arrive. Brendan off playing squash and Giuseppe is off playing with him self somewhere.

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8.50PM
Giuseppe has just arrived into and annonced "It's Friday" (This is the signal for I am going out, gis a loan). If i asked him " Are you going out tonight" the answer coming back would be "No, I stay home tonight".

"Try walking in my shoes is blaring out of this computer and even thought I can only hear in the right ear (deaf in the left) I am being blasted by "Try walking in my shoes".

I will try it - Stayed tuned.

Question --- "Giuseppe are you going out tonight"?

Answer --------NO where I go, I am sick.

See I was right.

I will let you know tomorrow what happens.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Feel like poppin a pill. If I was not waiting for guests I would.

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Mothership departs for a home run.

(ABOVE PICTUREsS
One IS OF B. R BOWIE ON MEETING ME FOR THE 1ST TIME BACK IN 2002.
other is flowers given to Motherhip on her departure.

Good day to yah all, sure it's me here. Robbie Retard.

While I have a few minutes I'll fill you in on the latest from this mad place called Amsterdam and the latest happenings at Amsterdam Escape.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Today is the day mothership and Frankie boy depart for Irish waters. They left for a flight but at 4pm were still in the airport.
Their taxi got stuck behind a bin/garbage truck for over 1 hour so they missed the flight.

More on this later.

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Ever wondered where the meat you eat comes from ?Check this out and this

If you live in the USA chances are your eating GM foods and you don't know it.
Learn all about them and why your government will not make GM products and products which use GM in the manufacture say so on the label. Big business does not want it so YOUR government says OK.

So much for government by the people for the people. It's government by the few for the few.
Next time you are asked to vote by one of your so called elected politicians, complain to him about you and your family are being poisioned by GM foods and it's HIS/HER fault. Ask to do up a bill and keep doing bills until one is at least read in the house or if luck would have it, passed in law. Maybe the next president?
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Brendan and his ball of fluff (Caroline) are all excited about escaping from us for 2 months, 65 days in total. Asta la vista babies.

Little does he know that behind his back we have sold the entire business right out from under his feet and as soon as he has left the buildings will be running after him, in the opposite direction clutching the cash in our little fists and laughing all the way to ????. Nearly gave the new location away there. All I can say is there are NO TAXES, NO VAT, no low life's and other riff raff and sun 362 days a year.

I am safe writing about it here as he never reads this blog any more.

But readers please keep this info under your hat.

We have been really busy selling all the furniture off and other bits and pieces all without alerting BB.
We have for the last few weeks managed to keep him from visiting any of our apartments because if he saw no furniture and all our bags packed even he might get a little suspicious.

More on this later if your good.
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Nervous Wreck

Good day to you all. I may not show it from my typing but I am a nervous wreck.

I am nervous about everything. I am nervous when I wake up in the morning knowing one of theses days I won't. I am nervous in the shower In case I fall and damage my manhood. I am nervous brushing my teeth in case I brush too hard and they fall out. I am nervous when walking down the street as I imagine a car mounting the pavement and hitting me or just being mugged. I am nervous about talking to people and I try to avoid this as much as possible. I am nervous about meeting people and nervous about not meeting people. I am very nervous driving a car either by myself or with someone else at the wheel. I hate driving nearly as much as I hate root canal work.

9.38PM sitting here waiting for guests to arrive. BB has gone to the pub and Giuseppe followed close behind. "I done enough for 1 day" Brendan said as he left.

I turned a few different shades of red, blue, green and then white. Now sitting here with my stomach turning with fear. The office door open and the freezing cold wind blowing in waiting for the guest's to arrive. I thought being from Sydney Brendan would check them in but how wrong I was.

I hate checking in people. In fact I hate nearly everything. I hate the world, myself, my mother, my back pain which never goes away, Dutch dentists (I am on number 4)all butchers. I hate carrying bags, climbing stairs, the cold, the heat, rain, sun, sand, most people and nearly everything else you can name.
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9.46pm
Tick tock.

How long, how long must I sing this nightmare.

9.47pm
Another minute gone.

9.49pm
I walked to the door as I heard voices.
My hands are so cold from the wind.

9.50pm
Just felt the heaters. Giuseppe has turned them all off.
Fucker.

9.51
Heaters on.

Tick tock, tick tock.
The guests which are arriving are only staying until tomorrow. And we cannot even give them a late check out as we have others arriving.

Arrive 10pm checkout 12.00

Seems crazy man.

More later or maybe tomorrow as my hands are blue with the cold.

over and out

Robbie Retard
The coldest retard in the west.


PS-- UPDATE.
Guests loved the apartment - Amsterdam Hideaway.

A day just like most others

Hello readers. Long time no read.

Me long time no blog, Sorry dearest readers but if you remember I retired almost 2 weeks ago.

There was a great response to the "return Robbie ballot " which Amsterdam Escape carried out on thier site
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Today my head is not good. Infact it's bad.
I have been depressed for several days or is it years now.
I can only think of death and ways to do it. Wish I was not such a coward.

Sick in the head is worth two in the bed. - See I really am sick.
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Last few days have not been kind too us.

Very few days go by without some disaster hitting you straight in the face.
This weeks was the Amsterdam council paying us a repeat visit to try catch us breaking there silly rules. They gave us a 15 minute warning this time. But we always play by the rules silly or not so they were wasting there time and our tax money.

More later folks. I need a joint. OVER

Just another Manic Monday

Welcome welcome one and all.

Its me your Host Robbie Re. So glad you dropped in for a wee read.
Speaking of reading - Looking for a life changing book? Jane Goodall's latest
"Harvest for Hope" is a wonderful read and could change your life as it did 3 of us, Mothership, Giuseppe and myself.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We have 19 cleaning jobs this week. A busy week indeed. Does not sound much maybe but cleaning 19 apartments from bottom to top is no mean task.
Back breaking stuff and I have the back to prove it and so has mothership.

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12 days to BB day. The day Brendan migrates to warmer pastures. Lucky bleeder, lucky bleeder. He ain't half one clever bastard skipping off for the two busiest months of the year. I tried getting into one of his cases but I am just too large/fat. Hope he does not notice the large hole my shoe made in the inside of his case. I patched it up with selotape as best I could.
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Well it's a Monday so I better get my ass in gear and go and do something. What I am not quite sure. I'll let you know when I find out. I had a list some where, the same one I had last week only longer.


Over and Out

Robbie

Simple Minds - Friday 17th

Greetings low lifes and other critters.

Woke up at 8.25 to the council coming into my apartment. Fucking assholes.

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They come around to check each year that we do not have more than the allowed amount of guests in each apartment.

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Brendan + Caroline, Emmett and Giuseppe along with a few other 1000 simple minds are all off to see the band in concert tonight leaving me all alone once again to check in simple guests.

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Joint time, back later.

Valentaines Day

Hi there all you Valentaines please spare a thought for all us retards who some how or other have been left on the tree, Ripe but unpicked.

Isen't life strange with it's little twists and bumps and the odd turn. I know all about it I read it on the box of my cornflakes box during breakfast.

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Received no cards and sent no cards so we're even.

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Robbie Retard

Feb 11th Saturday - Roses Roses everywhere.

This valentine's day racket has really turned into big Business.
It's amazing the power of marketing. We are told to buy flowers, cards, chocolates, teddy bears and and lot's of other junk. And each year they think of new ways to screw cash out of us.

Counting down to Brendan's departure

Hi everyone it's Friday 10th.
I have increased the font size so all my older readers will not have to squint so much.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Got up and got ready as per usual and went for the crossies .

I entered the bakery and was 2nd in line. There are 2 assistants on. 1 is serving and the other is placing rolls in bags. 4 more customers have now entered the shop. making 6 and only 1 being served.

Now 7 people in and shop is crowded but still she puts the rolls in the bags.

Finally the other assistant says something too her. The face and expression she gave her back,. like "What, you want me too serve theses low lifes bread" .

Anyway finally I got my 6 crossiants and headed to make the eggs.

Eggs 100% perfect

All moods good.

Brendan in fine form. Giuseppe in fine form. Emmett in fine form and mother ship is in fine form (what else dare I say) except for the pain she is surrering from after the dentist butcher got hold of her 12 days ago.

12 days in terrible pain. She has begged and borrowed pain killers from anyone and everyone and mother ship is not one to take tablets. She hates taking any tablets.

"Not good for you" she informs you, if she catches you taking even the smallest pill.

She went back to him to complain but came away still in pain but even more so. While he got hold of her he removed the 3 stitches she had to have on her 1st visit.

" Have you been washing your mouth out with them mouth washes" He demanded to know.

"NO I never use any of those products" Mother ship replied.

He cannot admit he has fucked up. He just sent her away.

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7pm

Giuseppe decided to cook his specialality dish (sorry forget name) . Only 2 takers me and mother ship.

A lot of work to take on just for the two of us. Giuseppe must be going out tonight. Buttering us up for the " Gis a loan" requests.

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Tonight I have my 1st check in (10.30 Schipol). Not having done one for so long I am a nervous wreck.. 10 lads on a stag weekend and just little old me. "You took the booking you check them in" Brendan informed me the other day. HELP!

Alarm bells started ringing in my head, hot and cold sweats and what's left of my heart went crazy everytime the thought came into my mind.


Well I am crazy. Everytime someone see's our places they love them so I should not be worried. But I am a worrier and not a warrior like Brendan.


From the time I opened my eyes this morning it's been on my mind.


Tick tock tick tock. The check in time approches.

10.30 PM Schipol.

I head down at 10.30 even though Brendan will phone me when the taxi has collected them, but me being nervous as hell I head down too make sure all is ok with the apartments and to turn on all the lights and gadgets.

10.50pm
Brendan phones " There on there way" he inform me. My heart misses several beats and then starts racing like mad.

10.55.
Our crazy landlord arrives back from Eygpt with a ton of bags and suitcases. I helped him inside with them praying that the group would not arrive for a few more minutes.

11.30
I am still waiting for them when our land lord comes out all spick and span, showered and shaved and wearing his finest.
The minute I saw him I knew it was Friday. (He goes out on the town every friday) . His taxi arrived and he was off.

11.40

I have forgotten the guys name at this stage and am thinking of phoning Brendan again to ask him for the 2nd time but though better of it. I'll just say "Hello lads" or "Hello Guys".
I said both over and over too myself to see which sounded best.


11.45
The two taxis arrive with the group.

The taxi doors open and they start to pour out. They all get thier bags and they march into the hall. I am holding open the door and greeting each one on entry forgetting each name instantly opon hearing it.

All in all in. I close the door and turn around to a packed hall, 20 eyes all staring at me. I swollow deeply and say

I'm Richard , one of them pipes up.

Hi Richard , I replied and "Follow me" I said one and all.

We all tramped up the stairs and suppenly there was a mad scramble and all ten were gone. I walked into COKE and guys were running about looking for somewhere to call MINE keep off / out.

After a few minutes several started to panic. I could see it on there faces "NOT ENOUGH BEDS" SAHRING BEDS WITH MY FRIENDS , HELP , ALARM BELLS start to go off in several of there heads.

"Where are all the beds" people start too question Richard.

I broke my silence and spoke up " Order, Order, calm down There is a bed for everyone . No sharing required. No need to abandon ship.

Several faces turned from worry to happiness on hearing my words.

They had ordered NOTHING to be in the apartment for there arrival so all they got was the standard complimentary mini bars which were consumed in minutes, all 20 beers and all other drinks and sweets were devoured.

Then the questions started. " Where can we get, this, where can we get that' "Beer " Sex, hookers, strpippers, the wicked "D" word.

Several of them followed me down to our office and borrowed several cases of beer and several packets of jaffa cakes.

So it's jaffa cakes and beer all round, I guess.

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Today in Amsterdam was a ok day, started cold but got warmer later on.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Very busy in Amsterdam. We are turning away 100's of requests for accommodation as we only have a few apartments and we want to keep it this way. Any bigger and we fear loosing the personal touch we offer at present.

And already we are working 13-16 hours a day each just keeping a few apartments operating.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2.46am

me tired of to watch coronation street.

More later

Robbie Retard

The sleepiest retard in the west.

ZzZzZzZz ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Brain transplant required

Hi readers.

Johnny two times here tonight, I say Johnny 2 times here tonight. Standing in for Robbie Retard. he is unable to make it tonight due to industrial trouble in Greenland and also due to the fact he is on the short list for a replacement brian transplant

We hope he is tested and rejected as we like him just as he is, cuddley.

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More tomorrow night. By the man himself.

Over and Out

Help. I need a life

Greeting earthling.

Where do I go to get a life. I need to escape asap.

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Wednesday 8th
Sitting in office and thinking of ways to escape.

I have just read back the list to myself and I am

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Think I better finish this at a later date as I will have you all suicidal


Robbie Retard signing off
The most depressed retard in the west.

Feb 7th, feels like Jan 9th

Evening all.

Tuesday 7th.

We start with something for all you meat eating readers - If you think you love animals there's something you should know about - Where the meat you eat actually comes from. www.Meatrix.org

-------------------------------------------------------
To see Robbies 2005 blog click here
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Ever wondered were your 100% beef /hamburger comes from.?
actually every time you enter a fast food joint and eat any of there meat products you are actually poising yourself and paying for for it.

It's true. Think about it. How can anyone sell a product like a hamburger for $1 / Euro 1 or even Euro 3 and be anyways good for you.

It is true, they are made of 100% beef but the 100% beef is so fucked around with by growth hormones, pills, fattening tricks, no natural food like grass, no day light or very little and this is just the mild stuff.

The beef you eat (Unless organic meat) is BAD for you.

"But it's to expensive" I hear you say. The answer to this is - , eat less but better. We all eat too much anyway. Organic meat will taste great and will do your body no harm.

Meet your Meat- see the video here
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Amsterdam Today.

Well today in Amsterdam was much like yesterday only different.
What else is there to say. Amsterdam is Amsterdam where else on earth can you go out walk less than a few minutes and legally go and get stoned.

More later

But a joint first.

Robbie Retard

It's me -

Hi All

I am just noticed I am developed a nervous twitch in my face. Driving me too drink so I am off to the pub.


See you all later.


Twitch twitch


Robbie Re
The twitchiest Retard in the West

It's official I'm a retard

Hello everyone, yes you too.
I have had to rent out space to advertisers on my blog. I need cash to make my great escape by Friday so I have taken on a few sponsors and a couple of real crazy dudes.

Now a Word from our main sponsor

"It's 1000% official. I am now officially dead".
Like the sound of theses words?
Wish you were saying them instead of me?
Well you can too with our new super easy death programme.
For just the price of your house we will fly you off to our suicide paradise resort where you will live for 2 weeks forfilling your every fantasy and then it's off to never never land. Packages start at just $399.000 dollars which includes our all in service.

I signed onto for this new death programme. They guarantee you a perfect death or your money back. It's quick, painless and really really works.

This guy has bought an island and is offering amazing package deals. One way trips only. One in a life time sort of thing.


Robbie Retard

Thursday Early Feburary 2006

Well hello sports fans.

Yes Robbie here, fresh and ready to go.

Good bye

Robbie Retard
The Roibbiest Retard in Greenland.

Welcome welcome every one if your special branch or on the run.

Good day .
Yes it's me I'm Cathy (Formally Robbie). I've come to Amsterdam to get the operation. More about this later, much later.

Onwards and upwards

This just popped into my head and now it's coming out of my mouth, there is no stopping it.
Hello Sid Snot here. Me and my bird Deirdree went to the park, to feed the pigeons, to my cat. - Kenny Everett. As a kid I grew up watching Kenny Everett. During the 70's and early 80's he had a weekly show and was the original alternative comedian along with Dave Allen and I am sure I can trace a lot of my craziness back to watching "The Kenny Everett Video Show" and the Dave Allen at large Show alas both are now fertilizing daffodils now

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ESCAPE NEWS

Giuseppe (cost cutting) Urso is totally gone mad. After preaching at us for nearly 2 weeks about cutting costs and all that shit (We at escape work 16 hours a day and at the end of each year HAVE NOTHING to show for it all. 5 years in and we have not made a penny. All money is spend on making the guests happy, in the last 6 months they have added PC's in most apartments, free hash or grass on arrival for all guests and are constantly spending on painters, replacements and everything else.

I told him straight - "Cutting Costs is like asking my mother to give up Vodka. Impossible".

Giuseppe has demanded with menace all the bills we pay monthly, gas, electric, phones, internet and every other bill you can name and some you can't. Dee in an effort to save the office from another coup quickly produced all said bills with ease from here very efficient filing system (2 metal boxes and 1 cardboard one).

He has spend the worst part of 2 days on the phone to each company demanding (Italian style) cheaper rates, bigger discounts, bonus points, free coffee machines, a toaster and other so called "free gifts" you get to switch over to a competitor.

I tried to tell him there is NO such thing as a free anything but before I could get the words out he had signed us up to a new electric company. Effective immediately.

5 minutes later as I was leaving the building I heard Brendan shout "Who turned off the power" and I heard Giuseppe say "Oh Fuck"

Just another day in Escape land.

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Were did January go?

Well dear readers. Yes 1 month gone and already into the 2nd one.

Time has really increased, some one, some how has managed to quicken up time and has gotten away with it, still 24 hours in the day so we THINK but really a day is just a few hours now.

Have you noticed everyone is much busier than they were just 5 years ago, everyone is rushing about like ants trying to get everything done but with a lot less hours in the day it is not possible. How mnay times have you heard someone day "There's just not enough hours in the day". This is Someone on the verge of realising that there is and never will will enough hours in the day. THis type usually commit mass murder or worse.

We now work longer hours, weekends, bring work home with us and do we get paid extra for this. No, it's now expected of you, if you want to keep your job you have to play ball and do whatever the employer wants.

Most people are scared of loosing there jobs but really your better off just givng up and changing your entire life. A complete turn. Escape the rat race and go and find your paradice. I saw a programme recently about a village still cut off from the rest of the world. Living like they did 1000's of years ago. Their day is made up of getting food in and when finished they are free for the rest of the day to do whatever they like. Conversation, making babies whatever.

Thing is I felt right at home. Escape the madness of this crazy world and with a bit of money from selling your home you could go to a place like this and get up a place and retire from the world, no tv, no internet, no mobile, no nothing or maybe a couple of home comforts.

After all your going to work till you are 60/65/67 and by then your to old to enjoy anything. Send your entire life doing only the things you want too do.

Sounds good? Join here.
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Blog blog blogging around. Help I am 7 days behind.

Greetings low lifes , all new readers and a special hello to Stephenie Farnell-Wilson.

Robbie here blogging from high ground. I am trying to keep things as high as possible. getting to higher ground is most important.

Today is Feb 1st, 2nd 3rd, 4th, 5th , 6th & 7th all tossed into one longggggggggg big melting blog entry. The kind of entry what would make most people so mad and sick you would want to get up and take a hammer to there grandma's head, if she still has one.

Confused? Me too. Read on anyway.

Where do I start. Feb 1st is so long ago and my short term memory has been on a go slow ever since I increased my joint intake to 20 joints a day so I am just going to make it up as I go.

It was a Thursday or was it a Tuesday, anyway it was a bright, cold, wet, windy Amsterdam day . (just covering all angles) .

I awoke as usual and went for the crossies and made the eggs.
I think.

All Escape memebers are in fine form and no bad moods to report but the day is early.

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A now a word from some low life we picked up in the street.

Sir- Sir escuse me.

What ya want.

Every day we let some nutter have their 15 minutes of fame, today is your lucky day. Get it off your chest.

Well , well I am sick of the way our (the people's) money is spend by the governments of the world on behalf of the people. They decide what they want to spend OUR money on. This happens no matter where you live.

Take In Engand at present- The new brest cancer drug . Herceptin would cost 100 million pounds to give to every womon who needs it.

But no no it costs twenty thousand pounds per womon , too much to save a life. They can spend billions on going to war to kill 1000's of innocent people against the wishes of the people but when it comes to SAVING there citizens lifes they say . Too costly.

The latest on 1 case. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/4689992.stm

And take the failed "Millenium Dome" also in england http://www.londonnet.co.uk/ln/guide/about/dome.html
government ministers from both parties spent over 1 billion of our money on this crazy idea. One Billion sterling pounds.

Every country is the same, wasting billions and billions of OUR HARD EARNED MONEY on projects they decide is best for us.

Another crazy thing is the police. We pay the wages of theses guys to go about giving us shit, giving us fines for this, that and the other. No lead on your god. I got a Euro 78 for having no poop scoop and no lead.

Abolish them all.

Thanks for that ya mad man. But come to think of it you speak a lot of sense.
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Now moving on to other inportant stories just in.

Amsterdam Today or was it yesterday

Weather so so.

Life so so.

My mother so so

Your mother so so (or was last night)

Everything else is just wonderful or so so.

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And if anyone of you are thinking of going into hospital, a word of warning. Keep your eyes open in those places. A friend of mine went to one and came back with a baby.

Dentists are just as bad why my sister went to a new dentist after her last dentist tied to remove her teeth.

This new guy was a real charmer. After her 1st visit she came back full of praises for him, " He's gentle as a pussy cat, he's wonderful, he's Super dentist. But it was only a front. Just after she arrived for her 2nd visit last week , no sooner was she in the chair then he had removed one of her wisdom teeth and was making a try for the 2nd one until she kneeded him in the you know what's and made a run for it. She got 3 stitches but is in real angony. She has another appointment along with myself on Tuesday next. I will issue a full report in Wednesdays blog if I can still type.
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Well now on to more pressing matters.
Sorry forgot what pressing matters I have.

let's move on to matters not so pressing. Intact lets move on altogether. and skip the rest of this entry.

Ready, if we all jump together it's much more fun.
No pushing each other.

1, 2, 3, jump

Well that's it , hope you got some laughs and please tune in again real soon for some more fun and frolics and you never know who will be hanging about.